Behold, the Rain is Here!

Whoa. What a Crazy Weather Weekend…

We are definitely back into the dark, deary days of fall here in the Pacific Northwest. It is 8:18 am here on Monday morning and seems a bit more dark than normal. You just know that today, you’ll be turning on all the lights inside the house to keep your depression at bay. Maybe you’ll be lucky and commute to your vacant office, where you and your spider friend, Ralph will discuss the GDP and stock market over a cup of morning coffee.

Watching the weather report this morning didn’t help either anyone’s mood. All the local news stations agree that this week is going to be rainstorm after rainstorm, following by another weather system bringing more rain. What does that mean? It means you’ll never see the sun again.

By now, you should have all of your rain gear out of summer storage. The rain boots are no doubt clean from all the rain we’ve had over the past 72 hours. The only person I know who won’t be getting out his rain gear is my jerk friend who moved to Arizona two years ago. I’m sure he will post a nice photo of gorgeous sunshine, filtering through his palm trees and bouncing off the water of his swimming pool. No one needs your desert oasis photos, ok?

Wind? Sure, we have that coming too. We even had lightning hit one of our ferries and knock it out of commission. Add that to your morning commute across Puget Sound on a miserable rainy day! Did I mention it was raining?

The good news, we have all been here before and we’ll survive it. Good luck on your Monday adventures.

As If Your Life Isn’t Already Messed Up Enough….

It is Friday already. My, oh my….where has the week gone my dear readers? If you are like me, the week has flown by and you are at a loss of what to do for the beautiful fall weekend. Note: We have rain and more rain in our forecast.

May I suggest watching some nice cat videos on YouTube?

If that doesn’t work, you can always think of all the mistakes you have made in your life. All the missteps, the missed career opportunities, the sales you failed to close. Reflect on all those negative things so that you can return to work with a new lease on your work life!

Home Office – Must Have Items! (A list of the prefect items…..)

It has been roughly 7 months since COVID shutdown numerous corporate offices around the USA and the world. Recently, Starbucks said their corporate office employees won’t be returning to work in the headquarters until the summer of 2021 and maybe even beyond that. Perhaps you thought it was going to be a short work assignment in your spare bedroom and now it has become a prison sentence.

Now, as a self-employed photographer, I know what it is like to work from home and I’m here to give you a few tips. I have an extremely messy home office that is organized in a delightful chaos theory manner. I have a desktop computer, file cabinets, boxes, postage stamps, and empty coffee mugs in this man cave. Over the many years I have been working in my home office, I have developed a “Must Have Item” list that makes working at home a much more enjoyable experience.

Must Have List:

Cat: Your cat should sleep on your desk (preferably right on your keyboard) to keep you from using your computer at all. The cat should just lay there, draped across your desk, with its tail in your face.

Dog: Your dog can be located in your office or in the backyard. The dog must bark at EVERYTHING. A leaf that falls from the tree? The dog must bark. A squirrel running along the top of the fence? That dog better be barking at it! Your phone ringing? The bark will wait until you answer the phone and then the dog should bark repeatedly.

Printer/Scanner: This wonderful tool should fail to communicate and work with your computer at all times. Hopefully, you’ll get so upset that you purchase a second one. Once the second one actually works, then the first scanner/printer will magically start to work again. That’s until they start talking to each other and decide to strike and both won’t work at all.

Kids: You need at least two and they should fight as much as possible. Bonus points if they start arguing during a Zoom or Teams Meeting when you are the featured speaker. And why the hell aren’t you doing their school work for them since you are now the teacher as well?

Neighbors: Hopefully your neighbors like to mow their lawn every other day and your office window is right there so you can listen to it. Maybe you will be lucky like me and have your dog go crazy and bark uncontrollably at the mere sound of the lawnmower starting up. Even better if your neighbor likes to mow at odd hours….7 am and then 8 pm the next day, followed by the 12 noon mowing for no reason whatsoever.

A Bar: After everyone and everything drives you nuts, it is nice to have your fully equipped bar (or just a nice fridge stocked full of beer) handy.

Good Luck with the next 18 months….you are going to need it!

I’m sorry, did I interrupt your whining?

Sure, it is now fall and summer is dead and gone. Throw the last scoop of dirt on this summer; it is gone and buried. Now I know I’m a little late on complaining about summer being dead but we did have a nice September. And since I am unemployed at the moment (since March due to COVID), I keep wearing tee shirts and shorts and forgetting what day it is. Heck, I don’t even season it is or month or year it is.

Luckily, my neighbor mention Halloween and trick-or-treaters so we must be in October.

All of this won’t keep me from whining about losing summer. The deck chairs are put away, the cushions are moved to the storage shed to hang out with the spiders, and the deck will most likely be wet and miserable for the next nine months of Seattle rain. Oh joy.

We also pulled the boat out of the water and got it back on the trailer. We winterized and have it stored in the garage. We are all sad now. Even the ducks and the seagulls that like to poop on the boat are sad. Just a sad end to summer.

What would you like to whine about today?

Don’t Hate the Negative Nancy in your Life!

It’s a nice rainy day here in the Seattle area. We have the September rainstorms rolling through again so we are back to our normal doom and gloom weather. Yet another reason for you NOT to move to the Puget Sound area. It is a disaster here. Stay away.

Speaking of disasters, I’m enjoying the various posts across social media about how to get rid of the negative people in your life. How negative people are “bad” for you and your dreams. It’s not negative people you should be getting rid of, it is toxic people. Poor negative people are getting blamed for a host of problems and it isn’t their fault.

Let’s chat a bit about negative people. We all have that friend or family member who is a negative person. If you are lucky, you have more than one in your life! Negative people like to remind you that the world is falling apart and that we are all going to die soon. If we didn’t have all those negative people with their negative thoughts, we would never be moved to improve ourselves or our situations. Be happy that we have negative people. They help us to make us feel better about ourselves. You can say “At least I’m not that Negative Nancy. Her life sucks.”

Use those negative people to make your life better. Enjoy their misery. Let it motivate you to do better, improve your life and society.

Just remember to thank them for their negatively. They desire at least that from you!

I am thankful for those negative people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I don’t want to be.”

Threats of Poetry….

Being married to me is probably a curse for my wife. The other day, I mentioned that I would start writing poetry for her. Considering I have no background in poetry, I don’t read poetry, and I probably couldn’t tell you what good or bad poetry is, this statement probably scared her to death.

Her answer: “No, that’s ok. I’m good.”

I’ve discovered that writing poetry is very hard. Sure, I’ve only spent three minutes on the whole poetry project. Honestly, it was too hard to even think of writing poetry much less than actually writing it. I’m not inspired looking out my window to the view of trash cans and recycling bins, nor does the endless rain showers of the Pacific Northwest bring majestic words to paper for me.

I’ll just say my poetry writing is another failed attempt of unleashing my creative side. And remember, failure is good.

Well, well, well…another post from Slacker Kevin!

Since my long absence of blogging on this WordPress site, the WordPress editor has changed and been updated. As you can imagine, I’m clearly lost on the new WordPress Editor and I’m certainly going to screw up my blog posts for the next several posts. I’ll stumble through, discover new items, widgets, and tricks to make my blog “pretty”. I might even have some advice to give along the way.

Why haven’t I been blogging? I wish I could say that I’ve been absent because I wrote an amazing novel but that isn’t the case. The answer is that I really don’t know. We could go into some therapy chat about the underlying reasons but that might be helpful. And you, Cyndi (my Imaginary Stalker), and I all know that is a blog about “Worthless Advice” and we need to keep it that way. We don’t want my blog to get too many followers and have too much good, helpful advice. It is much better to sit in my ivory tower and judge people in a sarcastic tone, throwing out comments and not helping others.

(Most likely, we have gone down this road before in a previous blog post. I’ll have to ask Cyndi if I have written about it before.)

Blogging is a hobby for me (I’m not getting rich from it) so I’m sure you understand how hobbies come and go. I did replace traveling with blogging.

Over the past few years, I’ve traveled a great deal. My wife was hired on at a fabulous airline and I’ve been to Germany, Holland, Luxemburg, Austria, passed through England. Then there are a good deal of domestic trips. I’m trying to get out and about. Due to Covid-19, my travel days have been very limited, very much like everyone else’s travels have so I should start posting more.

That’s it for my rambling thoughts. I’ll be back and as always, your comments are always welcome.

2020 – Update (Psst…it sucks).

Well, it probably has been two years since I have written anything remotely interesting for my blog. One may ponder what happen to Kevin’s beloved blog? Have I fallen off the face of the Earth? Did my worthless advice run dry?

What can I say? My life is fine and I’m not dead. I just stopped writing because at the time, I was interested in other adventures. My wife got a job at an airline and I ended up traveling quite a bit. Sure, that added to my knowledge and I probably should have passed on more worthless advice to you, my dear readers. Yet, I didn’t and here we are in 2020.

What a shitstorm 2020 has been. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better either. But you know all about that….

Which brings me to my business. Oh yes, my business has crashed to a standstill. I may have to give up the self-employed lifestyle and get a job. I shiver at the thought of a real job. However, I have been applying and looking for a job. I’ve been reading about job interviews and how to impress the job interviewer. (Note to self: Don’t mention my Worthless Advice Blog).

Wherever the winds of change blow me to, you can rest assured that I will tackle whatever new challenges the job world throws at me. I have accomplished a lot in photography, writing, and real estate. Now, I’m ready for the next challenge.

And I’m still smiling……

I’m the Hopes and Dreams Killer….

Oh, tonight I have decided to kill your misguided hopes and deranged dreams. You think that you are safe from me? Thanks to Facebook and Twitter (hell, all social media), I know what you like and dislike. I know your hopes, your dreams, your scrape goats, your demons, I know who your truly are.

You can tell yourself “I’m a good person.” But you aren’t.

I’m here to tell you….I will destroy you. Your racist dreams will be the sweat soup I enjoy as I torture you and destroy you. For every post of you complaining about the “good old days”, I will smash you down. I will stomp on your sexism views, your hypocrisy, your holier than thou attitude.

I will redirect your hate and anger. I’ll crush your worthless, thoughtless, and insecure paranoid.

And when you die, you might think you will be going to heaven. Instead, you’ll be in hell….and I’m Employee of Forever (not, month or year…..Forever) in Hell. Your hell will be my Heaven.

So….go back to racist rants, your crying and tears of how unfair life is, your blessed life….but remember to keep in the back of your mind the fact…..I’ll be there to greet you at the Gates of Hell. I will torture you forever because of your sins on Earth!

Thoughts and Prayers to you! You will definitely need them.

Good News…it’s Saturday…and I still don’t care

Good morning….did you get to sleep in? You snuggling with your dog on the couch, coffee cup in hand?

It’s not like I don’t really care. I do care. I just want to make sure you know that I’m hungry and there is a piece of bacon calling my name. I’m distracted.

You know what I do care about? Breakfast.

It’s a fine meal…pancakes, eggs, some coffee, bacon. It’s the “Let’s Kick Ass” Meal of the day. You eat a hearty breakfast and you can take on the day.

Lunch? That’s the “I’m halfway through my miserable day” meal. Halfway! And you never get to enjoy lunch because you know you have to go back to your awful job.

Don’t get me started on Dinner. That’s the “My Day sucked so let’s get it over with” meal. You sit there, wishing your steak was cooked a little bit better, the bread wasn’t as hard, and your salad wasn’t trying to kill you.

We’ll talk about drinks later…..

As always, your thoughts and comment are welcome. Pretend you and I both care and send me some comments.