Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Feelings and why I don’t have them!

The other day I was told not to use my blog to express my “feelings”.  First of all, I am a guy and I don’t have feelings.  If I did have feelings, I would be a woman.  I would cry at sad movies and care about what I was wearing that day.  I merely have opinions based on how I have perceived the facts of a particular situation and the observations I have made over the course of my meager existence.  My whole attitude and philosophy of life can be attributed to the movies I have watched, books I have read, and songs I have listened to.  These influences are mostly comical in nature and lean heavily towards the sarcastic side of the humor scale.  I also like science fiction so you can throw in a bit of the nerd factor as well.

 When I enjoy your company, I enjoy throwing some sarcastic comments your way in a ritualistic way of bonding with you.  Over the years, I have scaled back my sarcastic humor with small children in an effort not to scare them.  Now, if I have know these small children (and these small children are now pre-teens or teenagers) for a number of years, I’ll raise their level of humor awareness by giving them a small taste of sarcastic humor.  In this manner, I am preparing them for real life in small baby steps.

 Since I don’t have feelings to express, I must rely on my wit and humor to get me through life.  Remember the old saying “When life gives you lemons; make lemonade!”  Of course, that saying forgets that you also need water and sugar to make the lemonade.  If someone squeezed the lemons, all they would get would be lemon juice.  Yuck!   Who wants to drink that?  Now, by adding water and some sugar you can create a refreshing drink.  Add some vodka and you might have a party.  When I have a bad situation, I can roll over and die or I can use my humor to change that situation into a light hearted funny situation.  Is that so wrong?  Am I wrong for trying to uplift people and make the best of a bad situation?

 Now if I did have feelings, is it wrong for me to express them?  I don’t have feelings so it should be perfectly fine for me to write about my observations and my thoughts.  I’m not talking about my feelings because I don’t have feelings.  I don’t feel anything.  I talk about what I have seen and what I am thinking.

 I’ll continue to post my insightful observations and my thoughts so everyone can enjoy them as much as I do.  It is my gift to all three of my dear blog readers!

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15 responses to “Feelings and why I don’t have them!

  1. Karen October 30, 2010 at 11:34 am

    You just hid the feelings behind the comments you make.

  2. Is Everyone an Idiot but Me? July 16, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Good point about lemonade. I am very sarcastic as well and sometimes need a reminder that sarcasm doesn’t make children laugh…it makes them cry.

  3. supertylor August 1, 2013 at 2:27 am

    In the immortal words of Hunter S. Thompson, “Don’t take any guff from these swine.”

  4. beijas April 3, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Express away! Your fourth follower is now listening! 😉 Thanks for liking my “He’s Not You and I’m a Jerk”. Glad someone got the sardonic humor out of that…

  5. julie November 18, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    HA! Hi Kevin! I share a sarcasm and wit. My children have learned well. When they were still young I was well aware they could hold their own. There must be some kind of secret technique I stumbled upon while raising them.

    I have no idea what number follower I would be, if I were a follower. I prefer to think of myself as a free spirit. 😉 I followed you home from Gibberjabber. you know, just so you know where you picked up this parasite.

  6. fritzdenis November 20, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    I teach at a community college and have to be careful with using sarcastic humor with students. I don’t want to have a chat with my dean. It’s a tricky maneuver, but it’s worthwhile when I see the wheel turning in their minds as they try to figure out if I’m being serious. Thanks for the post.

  7. Pingback: My Wife is Pleased that I Found a Blog-Buddy | PlanBMentality

    • Kevin January 14, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      Don’t worry; my blog is only funny to my imaginary stalker Cyndi, my cat Mr. Whiskers (not to be confused with my rabbit Mr. Snuggles), and myself. Oh, and a few other people. My wife hates my blog and says I should write more “uplifting” blogs. One of my followers thought I should try to act like Dr. Phil and Oprah’s lovechild…but quickly retracted that idea and went back to reading the rest of my Worthless Advice. You have to love a true follower. Thanks for taking the time to comment and read my blog.

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