If you didn’t know this already….kids whine and they whine a lot. They whine about the color of their shoes, they whine when they are hungry, they whine when you forget to pick them up from school three times in row.
Most likely, they learned the whining from your spouse (or ex-spouse). Don’t worry; you aren’t to blame. All the bad traits come from your spouse. They are probably big whiners and passed this annoying behavior onto your children. While it might be too late for your spouse to change, you can at least mold your mini-me into the person you were too lazy to become.
You can keep your kids from whining by following these worthless parenting tips from your favorite Uncle Kevin (or your Cousin Kevin or your Idol Kevin…you pick which name you like best for me). In a short few hours, your child will stop whining and you’ll be able to leave a nice comment for me below.
Listen to Your Child:
Whining is usually a call for attention from your child. This means you should probably put down your smartphone and pay attention to your child for one brief moment. Listen to them for that few seconds so they feel important and loved. You aren’t actually going to do anything besides listen to them for a few seconds, so don’t worry if you were a little slow on getting that Facebook post up; you still have time to post how cute your child is or to share the latest blog post from Kevin Hellriegel’s Worthless Advice Blog.
Play the “I Don’t Know You” Game
When your child begins to whine, play the “I Don’t Know You” game. To play, you simply pretend you don’t have a clue who this whining kid is next you. It is really fun at the shopping mall when security comes and takes your child away. The whining stops immediately and is replaced with the look of utter terror on your child’s face as security drags your kid away. It truly warms one’s heart when your child realizes you aren’t going to save them. Then the whining will stop for sure.
Schedule “Whining” Time
Allow your kids to whine. Of course, you won’t be there to hear them but at least they can whine. I personally like to schedule whining time outside, in the rain, on a Thursday afternoon when I’m not home but the kids are. Whine away, kids, whine away because your parents aren’t listening.
Ignore Them to Discourage Whining
You could listen to them or you could ignore them. Just like you ignore the salad on your dinner plate, you can ignore the whiner. The whining won’t disappear but you can at least toss it into the trash just like the salad.
Have a Whining Bank
If they want to whine, just let them know they are taking a loan from the Whining Bank. To pay back this loan from the bank, they get to work for you doing the worst of the household chores: picking up dog poop, changing Grandpa’s diaper, eating leftovers from three weeks ago (because we don’t waste food in our house you spoiled whiny brat!). If they don’t want to do chores you can introduce them to Vinny the Chores Enforcer and his baseball bat.
Overschedule Your Child
There is nothing better than having your child doing too many activities causing them to be too exhausted to even think about whining to you. As an added bonus, you can then be that martyr parent that is so busy. You can talk about how busy you are driving the kids around from place to place and you have no time for yourself. Yet you have time to post comments on Facebook. Every heard of reading a book while you are at the tennis lesson
Add a few of your whining comments below and complain about how unfair I am. Go ahead…whine away!
Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 
Ha! I’m nominating you for the best dad ever.
Since you are a retired teacher, I’m hoping your vast experience will help convince my family and kids to agree with you!
cartoons and Sitcoms where they have the stereotypical clueless dad seems to hold a little more weight here not that I have read this.
Clueless dads always seem to make the sitcom great! It’s even better when they don’t understand the problems of the family.
I like the ” I Don’t Know You” game. Occasionally I play that on the bus as I sit a couple of seats behind them. Then I look at around like the other passengers and mumble, “Their parents should really tell them to quiet down.”
Overscheduling seems to be a popular tactic! I’ve used it myself.