Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Monthly Archives: November 2013

Thanksgiving is Over! Bring on the Old Fat Guy in a Red Suit!

Ah, the big Thanksgiving holiday here in America is over.  You can now bring on the Black Friday sales and the endless hours of holiday music.  Who can wait for the crowds at the malls and the endless lines that are produced by Black Friday?

 As you can imagine, I’m not one who gets up early to get the best deals on Black Friday.  My family is lucky that I even buy them anything at all consider how uninspired I am when it comes to gift giving.  I really haven’t a clue on what is a good gift.  I know you aren’t supposed to give kids liquor or cigarettes but beyond that I’m pretty clueless.

 If you talk to me, all you get is a bunch of worthless advice on what people want.  Sure, I seem like an expert because of my awesome blog (and I probably am) but gift giving is not one of them.

 I do know that some people frown upon the idea that all gifts are worthless.  I can tell you that you can find worthless gifts everywhere if you look hard enough.

 Where to Find Some Worthless Gifts:

Garage Sales – totally awesome place to find gifts that are totally worthless.  Plastic containers without lids, clothes that are too small, too big, far too ugly, broken toys, empty Mason jars, etc.

Hardware Stores – While this might be the perfect store for a man, for a woman it is the worst.  What woman wants a hammer for a gift?

Auto Part Stores – Almost as bad as the Hardware Store.  No one likes new windshield wipers or motor oil as a gift.

Things you shouldn’t buy as Gifts:

Artwork – your taste in artwork is not the same as your friends.  Of course, you can certainly use some bad artwork to annoy your friends.

Clown Related Items – this stuff is just scary.  I grew up watching The Poltergeist movies and Stephen King’s “It”.  Clowns scare me to death.

Ashtrays – I don’t smoke so I have a total bias against ashtrays.  Hence they are totally worthless to me.

Garden Items for Apartment Dwellers – I don’t think your cousin that lives in an apartment in New York City really needs a shovel.  Unless he is a serial killer, that shovel is worthless.

Bathroom Scales – unless you are shipping large packages, don’t bother buying a scale as a gift.  Your spouse doesn’t need to be reminded about how much they ate over the holidays.

Stuffed Animals for Adults – you aren’t a redneck at the country fair.  Just leave the stuffed animals for the children under ten years old.

 Enjoy the rest of the weekend and good luck with your holiday shopping.  I know you’ll need it.

Thanksgiving 2013

Thanksgiving is tomorrow here in the United States and I’m usually out of town with no internet access.  This year is different, this year fate has told me to stay home with the family and enjoy the wonders of my neighborhood.   As you know, this also allows me the chance to write a blog post and reflect what I should be thankful for.

Am I thankful for family, friends, or a great dinner?

Dinner brings on a set of interesting items to discuss.  Now that friends and family know we are in town, our Thanksgiving dinner has ballooned from a reasonable dinner of eight to a huge dinner of 21-23 people.  I assume the range of possible guest attending is due to the guest’s lack of commitment to our dinner.  I really don’t mind a huge gathering because Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  No gifts involved but lots of food and good drink to make everyone healthy, wealthy, and wise.  I feel like a Viking getting ready for a raid after I gouge myself on a turkey dinner and fine drink.

Ready the oars!

I’m also fortunate to have a wife who knows how to cook a turkey and other side dishes.  The meal will be worth it.

So enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner and enjoy the time with your friends and family.  That’s if you can stand your family.

Kevin’s Summer Camp of Practical Life Skills

Never Too Early for Summer Camp Plans….Welcome to Kevin’s Summer Camp of Practical Life Skills!

Why not learn life skills?

Why not learn life skills?

I’ve decided to offer a summer camp at my house next summer.  Most of the summer camps work to improve the children but lack a real sense of accomplishment for the participants.  The projects the kids bring home are pretty drawings and bracelets made of cheap plastic beads.  Yet are the kids learning anything that prepares them for real life?  In my opinion, most bead projects are total waste of time because there are millions of underpaid kids in China doing that kind of work in a quarter amount of the time and for a tenth of the wage.

It is simple economics, your kids should be learning skills that can make them money or save them money.  Is a bead bracelet project really going to help them in real life?

Now some summer camps are fun.  Soccer camp, swim camp, basketball game; these are all camps that your child might actually enjoy and benefit from.

But as a parent, you also need to benefit from your child attending summer camp.  At my summer camp, I plan to offer such great classes such as House Painting, Deck Restoration & Refinishing, Pond Building & Maintenance, Building a Hot Tub, Yard Maintenance, and Window Replacement & Enhancement.

From my informal survey of fathers, this seems like a worthy endeavor.  Imagine your children learning valuable home improvement skills and hands on job skills that will ensure future job employment.  The kids will be able to bring home these skills and you (as a parent or even a grandparent) will benefit.  Imagine your kids painting your house, all by themselves, at a faction of the cost of a professional painting company.  For a small summer camp investment in your children, you can save thousands of dollars by having your children paint your house.  It is a win-win situation.

Is anything better than investing in children’s future?  The children of this world are our future; why not make sure they learn something that benefits their parents and themselves?

I’m currently working on the cost and length of training.  But really, does this knowledge come cheaply?  Wouldn’t you pay a few dollars for this training?  Definitely a bargain at any price, I assure you.  If you are interested in Kevin’s Summer Camp of Practical Life Skills, please make sure to leave your comments and ideas below.

Don’t forget to share this post with your friends, family, and fellow parents; I need the business and more blog followers!

 

Why My Worthless Blog Advice is Doomed to Failure

It’s November and I’m really trying to get back into the swing of writing my blog.  It’s not easy coming up with worthless advice for my fans to enjoy.  The burden of writing worthless advice is far more difficult that writing about good advice.  My followers always want me to fight the evils of good advice and I hope I fulfill their needs.

And it isn’t an easy battle.  I always try to instill a sense of greatness into my blogs but often fail.  There is nothing more annoying that all the mountains of great advice you can find on the internet.  There is a lot of bad advice as well but worthless advice is in short supply.

It really doesn’t help that I haven’t be motivated to write because my life has been busy.  Writing is an excellent escape for me and I enjoy it.  I just sometimes have a hard time thinking of witty things to write about.  But then again, who doesn’t have a bit of writer’s block once in a while, right?

Unlike my Facebook page, I do attempt to make this blog interesting.  If you are a Facebook friend you know I barely keep that updated.  Let’s face it; social media is a huge burden.  I am often lost in the huge arena of the internet and the vast outlets of how one can promote themselves and their blogs.  How can I keep up?  I’d need an army of teenage girls to explain and keep me posted (and others posted).  I should consider outsourcing my blog or having guest writers if I want to keep this worthless advice blog going.

Now is the time for you to throw out those great suggestions on what to write about.  Brainstorm and hit that comment button below.

Did you miss me?

Yes, I know I have not written or posted anything since August 30 on my blog which is plain awful.  It really is shameful if you think about it.  I have a great deal of wonderful excuses I could give you for not writing but it all comes down to laziness.  Ah, our old friend “laziness” has reared its ugly head and I use it as an excuse.

 To be honest, I have been busy but that isn’t a good excuse for letting my dear blog readers just sit there and wait for my next entry.   I know you have been waking up every morning, opening your smartphone app or your laptop, checking your email to get that notification that a new blog is up.  Yet, I have failed you.

 You have probably felt a little lost, maybe even abandoned, but I’m here for you again.  I’m back and I promise we’ll have lots of fun adventures in the next few months.  Lessons will be learned, wonderful advice will be given, and your life will be on the upswing again.

 All this just from reading my blog.  Are you lucky? Or maybe even blessed?

 Don’t you feel special already?  The best part of feeling special is that it makes you want to post comments below and have a really cool photo on my blog post.

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