Bad Parenting Just Keeps Coming!
Category: Family
Why You Made a Mistake Marrying Your Husband
I recently finished watching a comedy show on Netflix and came to the conclusion that I’m pretty much a failure. Yup, hop on the loser train, because the next stop is disappointment and resentment.
Now, most husbands would surmise that their life isn’t that bad. You might have a spouse that also works so you have a duel income. I’m sure you have decent cars, a fairly nice house, and the school down the street your kids attend isn’t that bad. Maybe your kids give you a hug once in a while. As a husband, overall, it looks like a fairly normal life. You listen to your wife and kids about 36-45% of the time, you don’t have any feelings so they can’t hurt you, and you remember most of the important dates you should know (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.). Yet, if we talked to the wives and kids of these husbands (yes, I’m talking about your wife and kids), we would hear a much different tale. We would hear a story of broken dreams, shattered promises, and unfulfilled desires.
Now let’s take those results back to the clueless husband and fathers (again this means you), you would learn that you (as the supposed breadwinner) are an utter failure. If reality TV has taught us anything (and it has taught us a lot), you should be a much better person than you are. How can Dr. Phil and Oprah be wrong?
But are men the ones to blame? Certainyl as a woman, you should have been smarter and married the guy with higher earning potential, a happier attitude, and a better understanding of how you work. You should have seen that your life wasn’t going to turn out the way you thought it would. Would you have switched out the train engine at the roundhouse if you knew what your life was going to be like?
Whoa, hold on a second, Mr. Worthless Advice, my life isn’t full of doom and gloom, right? Or is it? Aren’t you regretting your choices? Doesn’t your husband work too much? Doesn’t spend any time with you? He neglects the kids? He plays too much golf, stays up too late, works out in the yard on the weekend. This isn’t what you expected when you signed up.
If you had picked a better mate in the beginning, then you could have switched careers yourself. You were probably a successful up and coming female executive. You could have made the move to a being a housewife. Or a stay at home mom. Now, that stay at home housewife idea might make you sick because (at one time) you enjoyed working a career and having a dual income household.
Sure, I understand your husband should have been making more money, you should have had a spa day every Tuesday, yoga on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 10:30 am, a haircut every three weeks on Thursday. You definitely deserved to be driving a new Lexus to the gym everyday day. That yoga mat isn’t going to roll itself.
As you read this from your lounge chair, I hope you are enjoying your vacation. You do like vacation trips to Hawaii and Europe? Yeah, I bet you do. I bet if you had married someone better you could have stayed at the nice five star resort. But you didn’t. Life is rough, suck it up.
Windows are for Winners! (and that’s why I’m sitting here by the window!)
On my recent trip to the Big Island, I left a few days before my wife and travelled by myself. Like many others, I love to take vacations and fly in airplanes. I enjoy sitting, looking out the window at the clouds, think about my cat Mr. Whiskers, enjoying the landscape below, with the knowledge that in a few hours, a new adventure awaits for me. When my wife and kids travel with me, I give up the window seat to one of them. I’ll get stuck on the aisle seat or the middle seat (I’m usually stuck in Coach because this blog isn’t a national success as of yet and I can’t afford First Class).
So, the highlight of the flight was when the little kid next to me wanted to look out the window. He asked his mom if she would ask me if I could change seats to the aisle seat.
What? First of all; man up kid, you are five years old…talk to me yourself. Stop being a whiner. Second, I don’t want to sit by the aisle because I know this kid and his mother will have to go to the bathroom 15 times during the flight, Third, the flight attendant will bump my elbow EVERYTIME she goes by with the drink cart, Finally, you know some lady will need to get something out of the overhead bin (right above my head), it will be too heavy, and she’ll drop it on my head (thus awaking me up and annoying me). Just leave me alone.
I turned to the kid, raise my left hand, slowly pulled the shade down, and said to the kid.
“Windows are for winners and you aren’t a winner.” Then, with a smile on my face, push the “Play” button on the podcast I was listening to (“How to be a Sarcastic Jerk Podcast Episode 167), closed my eyes and started my vacation.
(if you haven’t figure this out by now…this didn’t happen…work of sarcastic fiction…well, the flight and vacation to the Big Island did happen).
Crazy Teacher Night- Spanish Teacher Introduction
Bueno Dias! Ya, that’s about it for my knowledge of Spanish. But for some reason, my son’s Spanish teacher thought she should give her Parent’s Night speech in 80% Spanish and 20% English which equals 100% Annoying! Now, I admire someone who wants to flaunt their foreign language ability as much as the next guy, however, I would like to understand what the heck you (the teacher) are saying. Really, when I’m in your classroom (wasting my time), listening to you rambling on in Spanish, I’d like to know what the hell you are saying. If I wanted to listen to an all Spanish dialogue, I’d flip on one of the many Spanish cable channels. (On a side note, why are the Spanish actresses so hot looking?)
Most of the other parents present, were just as confused as myself, no doubt thinking that perhaps they were suppose to be fluent in Spanish BEFORE their child took her class. Maybe they should know spanish so they could understand what she was yelling at us about. (Why do Spanish teachers always seem like they are yelling?)
I’m was only in her class to see her grading system and how much percentage she allotted to homework points (grade) versus quiz and test points. However, since most of her speech was in Spanish, I really don’t know what my son will be learning (besides Spanish…I hope). I’m still not sure how she grades. Maybe after I become fluent in Spanish, I can ask her.
There was a Question & Answer session at the end of the class period, and it took all my sarcastic willpower to not ask a question in German. I just want to ask her ANYTHING in German, then when she said she didn’t speech German and didn’t understand, I could say “Exactly. You don’t speak German, I don’t speak Spanish, but we both speak English. Perhaps next time you could speak English and all of us could understand you.”
But I didn’t because I’m trying not to be “that” parent. You know the parent that the teacher (and everyone else) hates. And because the teacher hates the parent, the student gets a bad grade and the teacher acts like a jerk to kid. My poor son has enough problems dealing with me, he doesn’t need a pain in the ass Spanish teacher bugging him as well.
So I bit my tongue and rolled my eyes in a passive aggressive way. Then I decided to blog about it and express myself so my three followers know how upset I am. I’m sure Cyndi (my imaginary stalker), my mom, and Mr. Whiskers are equally upset.
Enjoy your Friday!
Mercer Island I-90 Phantom 3 Drone Flight
This past weekend, my son flew the drone around Enatai Beach Park and underneath the I-90 bridge on the east side of Mercer Island. We then did a second flight on the west side of Mercer Island where the I-90 floating bridge begins.
You’ll see some jet skis, a few nice boats, and some salmon sports fishermen.
I’m posting from my iPhone 6 and can’t see to embed the video. However, below is the link. Enjoy and thanks for watching!
Drone Footage of Mercer Island and Enatai Beach Park
A Visit to the Big Seattle Boat Show!
Sometimes I come up with some odd ideas on what I should be doing with my life. Last summer, I had the strange notion that I should be a yacht salesperson. I honestly thought it would be a fun and glorious summer job. Sitting at my desk at the marina, the sun shining outside, the wind gently blowing, and the yachts gleaming outside. Rich people would just stop by, I’d take them out for a test cruise, and I’d sell a yacht a day.
Luckily, my laziness and my desire to enjoy myself kept me from a life of khaki slacks, boat shoes, and washing seagull crap off some yacht on Lake Union.
Instead of becoming a boat salesman, my son and I went to the Big Seattle Boat Show yesterday. Now, I haven’t been to a boat show since I was a kid so this was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it is extremely fun to see the variety of yachts and boats available (and this was only the ones they could bring inside on trailers). A curse because the boats I like are in the price range of $600,000 to $900,000. Sure, I could get by with a smaller boat but once you look at a $800,000 yacht, the $225,000 is small and not really up to your standards. The $1.3 Million yacht wasn’t even that attractive. I would have to pass on it.
I would also like a yacht that isn’t too big where I would need a crew to run it. I want to be able to handle it with myself and my wife. I know; I’m a bit picky when it comes to big boats.
I also wouldn’t mind a retired classic Coast Guard cutter or even an older working boat (tug, fishing vessel) that had some space on it. Retrofit that baby with some modern electronics and you’d a vessel that would have some style to it, yet be fun to be on.
However, unless I win the Power Ball Lottery, I won’t be buying a new boat anytime soon. Besides, who wants to worry about having to find a boat slip, fueling it up, getting through the Ballard Locks? Am I right?
New Drone Video Footage of Anderson Island, WA
This past weekend, my son and I took a quick trip to Anderson Island to fly the Phantom 3 drone and get some awesome raw footage. We did three flights and the video below is a short video of those flights.
On a side note, for us to keep the YouTube channel name “Seattle Drones”, we need at least 100 subscribers. Do us a favor and hit the “subscribe” button when you view the video. And we need you to “like” this video too! Heck, you should post it on your Facebook page and email all your friends about this video!
Anderson Island is located in the south Puget Sound area of Washington State and is accessible by ferry boat, boat, or helicopter. You could also land a seaplane or parachute in if you like. I’ll stick to the ferry boat ride (I don’t jump out of perfectly good aircraft) and using the drone (or an airplane) for bird’s eye views of Anderson Island.
During the drone video, you’ll see one of the two ferries that Pierce County operates between Steilacoom (mainland) and Anderson Island. My son Hayden ran the drone from the parking lot near the ferry landing on Anderson Island. He doesn’t seem to trust me with flying it at this point.
The lake portion of the video is Lake Josephine with views east towards Mt. Rainier. You can also see Oro Bay during this section of the video and we launched from Ray Park.
The third and final part of the video shows McNeil Island to the north, Eagle Island (a Washington State Park – day use only), some more of the ferry, and a gorgeous sunset with the Olympic Mountains in the distance. We launched from Olso Point for this flight.
Below are some helpful links if you are interested in a visit to Anderson Island:
Ferry Schedule for Anderson Island Ferry
Join our Seattle Drone Twitter Feed: Seattle Drones
Why I’m changing my kids’ names to Names of Prescription Drug!
Recently, I’ve discovered I have made a terrible mistake by naming my children just plain, old normal names. How will they ever stand out in the world with average, run of the mill, names? Sure, they could change their names later on when they are old enough but why wait? Let’s do it now!
Think of all the neat drug names that could belong to your kids.
Lyrica
Zoloft
Adderall
Cialis
Crestor
Abstral
Akten
As you can imagine, the list is endless! I really have only looked at the A’s and names I remember from some vague TV ad. But all of these fantastic names are just waiting to be used!! I really have only scratched the surface with potential names in which to express my child’s uniqueness and individuality.
Since we are on the topic of TV ads, I’ve noticed no matter what the drug is, the TV ad is tailored to make sure you know that this drug will make you appear normal to everyone else. You have an unsightly third eye? Just take some buxtinlininepo! (Not a real drug for you people with a third eye…which would make you a space alien). Side effects may include vomiting, projectile diaherra, excelarated heart heart, dizziness, laziness, fatness, heartlessness, and funny spots on your face. If you die, please discontinue this medication.
Every drug on television comes with scary ass warnings. So in my mind, I think: Well, if I had that disease, and I could live with X side effects, would I do it? And in mind, I do the mental checklist, and I think “yeah, I could handle that”. Maybe it’s a itchy rash or my left earlobe swells up for a bit, but sure I could handle it. Sometimes the side effects are “death may occur” and I’m not ok with that. Heck, I guess we all have to weigh the positives and negatives, right?
I believe the best part of my new prescription drug name idea is that it will become a fashionable trend and I will be a trendsetter for a brief moment!
Hold On…I’m busy designing my vacation home!
Sure, not everyone has the time to design an amazing vacation home like I do. But then again, most people have real jobs and work for a company that wants them to produce a measurable amount of productive work. I, on the other hand, am a slave to myself and, frankly, my own worst nightmare as a boss. I show up late, watch funny cat videos (with my co-worker Mr. Whiskers), and drink on the job (while operating heavy machinery). Well, if you count my desktop as heavy machinery….
So you can imagine how I quickly jumped onto the chance to read a recent article from The Washington Post titled “Three Tips to Avoid Headaches when designing a vacation home”. I won’t ruin the article for you but the first tip is to be wealthy enough to afford a vacation home you can design. That wasn’t one of the tips but it should have been because who has a the time and money for a vacation home?
Now, I have designed numerous vacation homes in my mind, and have even made drawings in my sketchbook (of lost hopes and broken dreams) so that I don’t forget my ideas. My designs vary from the recycled 20 foot ocean crossing storage container home, to the midrange 1000 SF cabin, to the 5,000 trilevel overlooking Lake Chelan. In fact, half of my future vacation home will be a “man cave” in the style of industrial chic while the other half will be whatever my wife wants. Really, we both have to live there together so I have to be sure to make her happy. Because we know if she isn’t happy, then I won’t be happy.
My next thought is: Is this a “vacation” home or my “retirement” home? Are they one in the same? Because I basically hate people, I would like a home out in the middle of nowhere. A small town or city feel to it. I really don’t want to be social. One other idea: I’d like to have an outbuilding that is a simple Japanese style dojo. Which then makes me wonder if I should have a home with a courtyard in it and thus more in the style of an Asian country home.
As an introvert, living in a rural setting would suit me fine. Yes, I do like to hang out with dear friends so my vacation home will need a few guest bedrooms. Or better yet, cottages for guest to visit.
In the meantime, I’ll work and see if I can’t finish the rest of my working career.
Halloween 2015
Yes, Halloween is tomorrow! Are you excited? Ready to get your freak on?
No? Me either….
This year we didn’t even bother to get the Halloween decorations out. Sure, we made a quick trip to the pumpkin patch with our Girl Scout troop a few weekends ago. This is where I paid $12 for a pumpkin. Ironically, that “special pumpkin patch” pumpkin was trucked in and placed there by a farm employee; it wasn’t grown there on the spot like everyone wants to believe. So I guess we know who got “Tricked”, right? Just me and my wallet, that’s all.
Our family did however, want to carve a few pumpkins (so we can at least pretend we care about Halloween). We went ahead and purchased a few more pumpkins at the local grocery store which is a mere 2 minute drive from my house. That 2 minute drive was in comparison to the 30 minute drive I had previously done for my $12 pumpkin. And guess what? The pumpkins at the grocery store were $4 each. Yes, my $4 grocery store pumpkin was the same size as the $12 “farm/pumpkin patch” one.
I know, it is all about the “experience”, right? Everyone wants to drive 30-40 minutes, walk around a muddy field, look at a bunch of dirty pumpkins, carry the dirty pumpkin, buy the pumpkin, overpay for the pumpkin, and then drive back home for another 30-40 minutes.
My daughter is actually into carving pumpkins and turning them into Jack-o-lanterns. I was pretty impressed with her ability to slice and dice up these pumpkins.
Now the pumpkins are carved and ready to be kicked in by some teenager’s shoe on Halloween tomorrow night. We strive to make it a pumpkin smashing good time!
Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 