On my recent trip to the Big Island, I left a few days before my wife and travelled by myself. Like many others, I love to take vacations and fly in airplanes. I enjoy sitting, looking out the window at the clouds, think about my cat Mr. Whiskers, enjoying the landscape below, with the knowledge that in a few hours, a new adventure awaits for me. When my wife and kids travel with me, I give up the window seat to one of them. I’ll get stuck on the aisle seat or the middle seat (I’m usually stuck in Coach because this blog isn’t a national success as of yet and I can’t afford First Class).
So, the highlight of the flight was when the little kid next to me wanted to look out the window. He asked his mom if she would ask me if I could change seats to the aisle seat.
What? First of all; man up kid, you are five years old…talk to me yourself. Stop being a whiner. Second, I don’t want to sit by the aisle because I know this kid and his mother will have to go to the bathroom 15 times during the flight, Third, the flight attendant will bump my elbow EVERYTIME she goes by with the drink cart, Finally, you know some lady will need to get something out of the overhead bin (right above my head), it will be too heavy, and she’ll drop it on my head (thus awaking me up and annoying me). Just leave me alone.
I turned to the kid, raise my left hand, slowly pulled the shade down, and said to the kid.
“Windows are for winners and you aren’t a winner.” Then, with a smile on my face, push the “Play” button on the podcast I was listening to (“How to be a Sarcastic Jerk Podcast Episode 167), closed my eyes and started my vacation.
(if you haven’t figure this out by now…this didn’t happen…work of sarcastic fiction…well, the flight and vacation to the Big Island did happen).
Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 
Comedian Jim Jefferies has a hilarious routine about airplane seating and entitlement to the corresponding armrests. Definitely Rated-R material, NSFW and all that, but if you don’t mind strong language in your comedy, then this is a great bit to check out.
Thanks for the recommendation! And I don’t mind a bit of swearing.
Alas, being 6’4″ I do not relish being compressed into an accordion against a cold, fuselage wall. I’ll take the aisle seat risks and hazards you cite any day. 🙂 More importantly, I’ll opt for Amtrak any time, if it gets me to where I am travelling. The whole flying experience is downright unattractive anymore.
Yeah, I’m a short 6′ but I’m a bit of a big guy (hey, not fat…broad shoulders). I also dominate anyone sitting next to me, hogging the armrest. And I never go to the bathroom. To put it bluntly; I’m awesome.
A welcome row mate then if you never go to the bathroom. I’ll leave you to tangle with the middie.
Oh, and I keep waiting for Amtrak to start a route to Hawaii.
The inference was to book Amtrak if it gets one there. Otherwise, I’ll hold my nose and deal with the TSA, lost baggage and delayed flights nightmare. None of that, ‘All aboard.’ 🙂
Yeah, don’t you just hate it when kids hold you to ransom for the window seat. We’re about to do our first family trip involving a plane. I’m being gracious about the window seat. It’s the Kid’s first shot on a plane, so I’ve paid the extra to bag seats at the front of the plane so his view is not blocked by the wing. He’s letting me sit in the middle, so I’ll still get a view. But I wouldn’t give up my window seat for somebody else’s child – they should have booked it!!
I like sitting over the wings because the exits are there. I also heard that the ride is a little smoother there. But I don’t care because I love roller coasters and bumping rides! Good luck with your flight!