Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

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Bad Parenting Just Keeps Coming!


I always enjoy watching the news in the morning.  It’s just a nice reminder to know that I’m not the worst parent alive. 

Just a week or so ago, we had a family let their kid climb into the Gorilla World at the Cincinnati Zoo.  The kid falls in and the zoo officials shot and killed the gorilla.  Concerned parents all over are asking “Who the hell was watching the kid?”

But let’s be honest, who hasn’t been too busy on their smartphone to watch their kid?  I mean, people text and drive and nothing bad ever happens.  Why not let your kid run around and do whatever they want?  Being a parent is hard.  Those clever Facebook posts aren’t going to post themselves.  The boy’s mother also had three other kids she was watching at the time, so losing one isn’t that bad.  I can live with a 25% kid loss ratio.  I bet that is acceptable in most places.

The other story that was on the morning news was the seven year old Japanese boy that was lost.  I wasn’t sure why this story made international headlines.  It was one kid and he had two parents watching him and yet they still managed to lose him.  Sure, they left poor Yamato Tanooka by the side of the road to discipline him for throwing rocks at people and cars but they did go back for him (after a few minutes).  Yamoto just had wandered off by the time they got back.  They probably called out for him in low voices but he ignored them because he was sobbing so hard after being abandoned by his parents.  I know I cry every time my cat Mr. Whiskers leaves me.

Don’t worry; the story has a happy ending.  He was found six days later after sleeping in an unmanned building.  No wolves chased him down.  No bears made him jump over a cliff into a river below.  At least he will have a great story to tell of how he sat around in a building for six days without his smartphone, TV, or internet.  Think of the trauma of no internet or video games for six days.

“Hey Mom and Dad…remember how you lost me for six days?  You do? Ya, so do I.  Now can I have that cookie?”

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3 responses to “Bad Parenting Just Keeps Coming!

  1. allthoughtswork June 7, 2016 at 11:52 am

    I want airlines to install noise meters in every seat back. When your kid hits any decibel louder than the plane, itself, your credit card is billed $25 dollars for every minute the rest of us have to sit through that shit. Parenting skills would suddenly appear out of nowhere.

    Come to think of it, those meters would be great on shopping carts, too.

    • Kevin June 7, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Now that is a brilliant idea. On my last flight to the Big Island, I had a kid kicking my seat. I know little kids kick seats but when I turned around to give the look of death, it was a damn teenage girl. What the hell is wrong with that?

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