Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

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Why I’m changing my kids’ names to Names of Prescription Drug!


Recently, I’ve discovered I have made a terrible mistake by naming my children just plain, old normal names.  How will they ever stand out in the world with average, run of the mill, names? Sure, they could change their names later on when they are old enough but why wait?  Let’s do it now!

Think of all the neat drug names that could belong to your kids.

Lyrica

Zoloft

Adderall

Cialis

Crestor

Abstral

Akten

As you can imagine, the list is endless! I really have only looked at the A’s and names I remember from some vague TV ad.  But all of these fantastic names are just waiting to be used!!  I really have only scratched the surface with potential names in which to express my child’s uniqueness and individuality.

Since we are on the topic of TV ads, I’ve noticed no matter what the drug is, the TV ad is tailored to make sure you know that this drug will make you appear normal to everyone else.  You have an unsightly third eye? Just take some buxtinlininepo! (Not a real drug for you people with a third eye…which would make you a space alien).  Side effects may include vomiting, projectile diaherra, excelarated heart heart, dizziness, laziness, fatness, heartlessness, and funny spots on your face. If you die, please discontinue this medication.

Every drug on television comes with scary ass warnings.  So in my mind, I think: Well, if I had that disease, and I could live with X side effects, would I do it? And in mind, I do the mental checklist, and I think “yeah, I could handle that”. Maybe it’s a itchy rash or my left earlobe swells up for a bit, but sure I could handle it. Sometimes the side effects are “death may occur” and I’m not ok with that. Heck, I guess we all have to weigh the positives and negatives, right?

I believe the best part of my new prescription drug name idea is that it will become a fashionable trend and I will be a trendsetter for a brief moment!

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3 responses to “Why I’m changing my kids’ names to Names of Prescription Drug!

  1. Kally November 11, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    While you at it, you probably could get drug companies to bid for naming your child. πŸ˜‰

  2. kimboxin November 14, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    Cute and clever. πŸ‘

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