Why I hate Grocery Stores, Children, and Old People

Yesterday, my wife convinced me to go to the local grocery store to purchase ingredients for dinner.  Normally, I don’t mind making a quick stop at the grocery store because I’m fairly familiar with the store layout and I’m in and out in a few minutes. Well, on a normal day, I would have been in and out. Yesterday, it was POURING down rain (I know that is a major surprise in Seattle), the store was unusually crowded on a Saturday afternoon, people were parking like dumbasses, and I was in a (slight) hurry.  All of these factors mean that my trip would be doomed from the start.

Please note, I’m middle age myself and I go with the flow. Some might call me old. I don’t get upset with traffic; I just accept it. I know that it does no good to rush around the store just to gain 30 seconds, push old folks out of the way, and get out of the store just a little faster.  It doesn’t work to be a jerk.

But then again, maybe I should have rushed because the other customers in the grocery store were just pissing me off.

I just want to tell people: “Please, just move your cart out of the way. I’m just trying to buy some tomato sauce.”  It isn’t that much of a challenge to be courteous to other shoppers, isn’t it?

“Oh, please, could you walk a little slower for me?” This is what I’m thinking to the old guy in front of me…I know that is terrible but he was weaving back and forth.  Just pick a lane, please, pick a lane before I shove you into the potato chip display.

Then, I have to deal with a guy that parks his grocery cart in the middle of big aisle. It wasn’t a small side aisle. It was one of the major aisle where everyone walks through. This aisle is already blocked by the grocery store’s dairy employee’s huge cart, and then I have to watch another grandpa slowly pushing his cart with his granddaughter in tow (who just stared at me like a zombie).  I know she was thinking “Hey, I don’t care that your wife sent you to the store, you are on toddler time now.”  All I can think is that I’m just want some French bread…just MOVE!

So I get my bread, I’m headed to the check stand and there are four checkers. Yes! I can’t do the 15 items or less line; that’s ok. I pick a line. And now Murphy’s Law kicks in. My line turns out to be the slowest line.

Side note: I usually pick a male cashier. They tend not to talk as much as female cashiers and their line moves faster.  This theory was proven wrong yesterday.

Mr. Chatmaster Chad decided he would scan an item, comment about the item, chat about the item, then finally give the item to the bag boy to actually put in the bag. I was totally tricked and deceived. As the other lines zoomed by, I just stood there. I knew I should jump lines but I was in that state of denial.  You know, that thought that I was almost there, so close, my items almost to the scanner…almost….there…  Chatmaster Chad can’t possibly go any slower, right?

I’m pretty sure Chatmaster Chad found a way. The discussion about that cool new microbrew? It happened.  I’m pretty sure my teeth were ground down a bit more just standing there.

I know. I’m a horrible person. This situation isn’t that bad. But I just wanted to tell them to shut up and get the transaction done.  I just wanted to go home.  I wanted to get my groceries and get out of there.  Does that make me a terrible person?  Probably not.  I was calm and didn’t throw a temper tantrum.

Don’t you love long lines?  I know I do!

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

10 thoughts on “Why I hate Grocery Stores, Children, and Old People

  1. Hahaha! This is funny. Do you know the Chinese love long lines? Especially Singaporeans, they will queue when they see a long line no matter what it is for whether it is food or McDonalds giving out Dolls, they will queue.

    1. I usually pick guys because they never talk to me, sometimes they grunt a few words about the latest sport team failures, but that is it. This time, it was an utter failure.

  2. Glad I found your site through a series of rabbit-hole click-throughs in my WordPress reader page πŸ˜‰

    Honest humour works well for you, keep doing what you’re doing – looking forward to more.


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