The School Holiday Sing Along (or better known as punch to my head would be better than this crap) Holiday Assembly
December 20, 2012
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I hate singing and I hate Sing-A-Long Caroling style assemblies. I know that my singing sucks and should be left to people who are either professionals or are really good at it. I purposely left out the people that enjoy singing because someone might enjoy singing but that means they are most likely just as bad as me. Just picture Johnny Cash performing at Foslom State Prison.
Every year at our children’s school the last day of school has a “Sing Along” before the Christmas break. They start an hour before school is dismissed and it is an hour of the worst children’s singing around. This isn’t a pleasant experience in which you would be listening to the voices of the angels singing your favorite holiday tunes in perfect key. No, this is every off-key student, teacher, and parent singing to every holiday song the music teacher dragged out five minutes before the concert started. We have a majority of Christmas songs, a few Jewish songs, and a Kwanzaa song. Most of the kids don’t know what a Kwanzaa is and they only know Hanukkah because of Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song on Saturday Night Live!
The worst part is listening to them scream the lyrics of the songs instead of singing them. I might as well be at the zoo listening to the monkeys scream. At least monkeys shut up from time to time so they can throw their poop and eat.
After about seven years of going to these caroling Concerts, I came in for the last song but managed to trick my daughter into believing I was there the whole time. She tried to call me out by saying I came in late. I quickly rattled off some Christmas songs we had “sung” and she was convinced that I was there the whole time. This year was no different. She didn’t notice I was in the back 30 minutes after the concert (I use that term loosely) started. My wife on the other hand was like a rookie at the first day of summer camp and comes in the front left door right where everyone can see her. She is a little hard to miss with her red hair. Again, she’s a rookie but you never come in the front door where everyone is looking. You have to look for the back door. If it is locked, you gently knock on it and some kind parent will let you in. You sneak in and no one is the wiser.
After I suffered through the rest of the Sign & Torture Along Songfest, my daughter never did asked me if I was there the whole time. In her mind, I was there the whole time. That is the difference between being a “good” parent and a “great” parent. If your child thinks you were there the whole time, you were there the whole time and therefore you are a good parent. On the other hand, my wife is the parent who comes in late and is lumped in with the other parents that didn’t show up at all. This fact clearly demonstrates that those parents really don’t love or care for their children because they chose to stay at work and provide for their families a warm home and a hearty meal.
If you want to know more about Kwanzaa or Hanukkah, feel free to read below:
Kwanzaa: A seven day celebration (actually pretty cool life lessons – see below)
Click on this link to visit the History Channel’s page about Hanukkah http://www.history.com/topics/hanukkah
As always your comments are welcome and enjoy the holidays!