Day: December 18, 2012

The Garage of Insanity and Tomb of Treasures!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Be hold, the garage of junk and treasures awaits you!  Much like the Island of Misfit Toys, my garage is full of useful and never to be used items.  With the holidays fast approaching, soon I’ll have more junk added to my collection of treasures.

Perhaps you wish to venture into the Tomb of Treasures?  We have a big screen Sony TV that weighs more than a baby elephant and still works!  Hmmm, perhaps you’d like the small portable 13 inch version that sits on a shelf (with remote too!).  Or a wine fridge which I recently saw on sale at Home Depot for $177 but now I merely use for it as a table in my garage for more junk!

I also have a lovely black side by side fridge that many have said they wanted but never picked up.  We also have a lovely assortment of camping and backpacking gear, a train set that I was suppose to work on for the past five years, and a bunk bed (soon to be headed to the cabin).

I also have an awesome old time steamer’s trunk….so awesome it is in my garage collecting cobwebs and dust.  Actually, I had it on Craig’s List for sale but everyone interested flaked out on me.  Jeez, just come and pick the trunk up already.  You know you have some hooker’s body you need to dispose of in some backwoods lake. Everyone knows you have to get rid of the body before she starts stinking the place up.  Once that dead hooker smell gets into your car seats it takes FOREVER to get rid of.  Psst…You know the voices in your head want you to buy that steamer trunk!

Of course, if you had the fridge/freezer & steamer trunk plan, you could have freeze the body until a free spot in your “disposal of dead hookers” schedule opened up.

We also have various pieces of wood, cans of nails, and whatever the family has decided to toss into the garage.  Looking for a 1” plastic pipe? I got it.  Need a strip of beige carpet?  I have that too!  Looking for an extremely large work table with metal legs?  Oh, I have that ready to be delivered to your home!

Come ye faithful, enjoy a tour of the Tomb of Treasures and see the wonders that await you!  I’m positive you’ll find something you desire!

Worthless Gifts for Your Friends: Making the Most Out of Christmas

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Christmas is around the corner and I haven’t been good to you.  I haven’t helped you in the least bit in your holiday shopping.  What kind of planner am I?  Everyone and their drunk uncle seems to have a creative Christmas List of “Must Have Items”.  But does that really help you?  Doesn’t it just make you a slave to the latest trends?  It makes you lazy and slow.  My list is much more helpful and productive.

Worthless Gifts for Your Friends:

Napkins from Fast Food Restaurants.

Let’s face it.  Most of your friends are slobs and need napkins.  If they have children the need for a napkin is even greater.  Those little beasts always have messy hands or snot running down their noses.

Mini packets of ketchup, mustard, and that pink sweetner stuff for ice tea.

Do you know how annoying it is to carry around a ketchup bottle?  Well, it is really annoying.  So giving your friends portable, serving size ketchup packets are a perfect gift.

A Cat

They don’t do much but eat, poop, and meow a lot.  My cat is available if you need one.

Beer Coasters

I use to collect these things because I love the designs and artwork on them.  That means since I like them, every other beer drinking man should also like them.  If they don’t, they are slobs and you should dump them.

Cookbooks

They look good on the window sill for the babes.  Of course, after your guests taste the crap you call a gourmet dinner they know the cookbook was for looks.

Video Tapes

This shows you are “Old School” and they are really a cool size for building forts with your nephews while Grandpa snores away.

Traffic Signs (Stop signs, yield signs, etc.)

I prefer the “No Parking” signs right in front of my house.  Keeps the rift raft (like your relatives) away from my nicely decorated house.

Refrigerator

Who doesn’t want an extra fridge for the garage?  I love my friends so much I am willing to depart with my my two extra ones sitting in my garage this very minute!  I have a wine one and a nice black side by side model.