Tag: worthless advice

Why wear sunglasses on a dark, cloudy day?

~ K ~ 24 Comments

You know what drives me nuts?

People who wear their sunglasses on dark cloudy days.

Sure, I know you can have a bright cloudy day and need your sunglasses. You need your extremely cool sunglasses on bright sunny days; I get that.  I’m a photographer and I am aware of the amount of light I see every day.

No, I’m talking about dark, overcast, ready to pour down rain on you days. I’m talking about people who insist on wearing sunglasses regardless of how dark or light it is outside. I’m not talking about the old grandma types that need them because of cataracts. I’m talking about people who are old enough to know better but want to look “good” in their shades. They can be in their twenties, thirties, forties, and fifties, and they still insist on wearing sunglasses when they clearly don’t need them.

Granted, some people’s prescription eyewear does change with the amount of light that hits them but they have a free pass to wear them. They need them and they aren’t trying to be a model from a hip clothing line. It makes no sense to me. You look like an idiot and it seems to me that you are hiding something.   A little too many martinis at lunch today? That hit off the old meth pipe too much? You were crying because you realized your boyfriend was an ass and you should have dumped him three months like your friends told you to? Why wear the sunglasses? Why look like someone who is clearly an idiot?

Being from the Pacific Northwest region, we have over 200 days of cloudy weather. I understand you might want to wear the sunglasses but it makes no sense. Accept the fact you live here in a cloudy, rainy area of the world with no hope of sunshine except for two months out of the year. Get use to it. It is cloudy here most of the time and the weather is cold (40-50 F) most of the time. If it is 65 F and sunny, we are in heaven here!

Comments? Please for the life of my blog….make some comments!Image

Oh Man, Where are the Followers and What Do They Read?

~ K ~ 4 Comments

The other day I was reading a blog posting about how one of the bloggers I follow on WordPress just got his 11,000th follower on his blog.  In July 2013, he only had 6,000.  He wrote a brief “success” blog about how and what he did to reach 11,000 followers.

I am a bit jealous of his success. In his humble opinion, he isn’t the world’s best writer or blogger. His blog is so poorly written it is hard to read and gives me a headache.  I want to take my red ink pen out and correct it like a murderer/slasher on a 1990’s flick.  A lot of his problems are due to the run on sentences, bad sentence structure, and terrible grammar.

Yet, he has some great stories and 11,000 followers so I can pretty much suck it, right?  I have measly 400 or 500 followers so I really can’t say how to build up a huge following, can I?  Of course, my blog is built on Worthless Advice so maybe I’m killing myself and my blog?  He spins his tales like a drunken sailor (his description of himself) and people love it.  Imagine what he could do with a ghost writer living on Kauai?

What is the secret to his success?  He uses a bunch of tags that the magic internet search engine spiders love and brings in his type of readers (followers).  Even if his blog post has nothing to do with those tags, he still uses the same tags and categories over and over again.  Now, I’m not sure he is making money online but he has written a book and has self published it.

Oh, and a lot of his terms are about sex, crime, and drugs.  His life experiences are downright scary.  So we do know what the general public is looking for, don’t we?  And I don’t have anything against others blogging and writing exactly what they want to write.  I admire anyone willing to throw themselves out there and open themselves and their writing up for the world to see.

Your thoughts and comments?

How to Stay Demotivated in Life: Worthless Advice that is Great for Years to Come

~ K ~ 3 Comments

Sigh…it is so easy to stay motivated when you have a bunch of positive people around you, a stable work environment, and a loving family.  But is that really the best you deserve in life?  To be a highly motivated individual that contributes positively to the world?  A person who is chipper and upbeat; who gets knocked down but still gets up again?

Let’s get unmotivated and demotivate ourselves, shall we?  Here are some worthless advice tips to help you become the loser your girlfriend’s parents warned her about.

Hang Around Losers

Remember how when you were young you had goals and dreams?  No? Me either.  One of best ways to get those silly dreams out of your head is to hang out with losers.  Now, you can find them at your local bar, in friend’s basement, or maybe down at the local park.  The only requirement is for you to stop trying to make yourself better by hanging out in studying groups, book discussion groups, or trade groups.  Just accept that these people are the best individuals you will ever find in life and you’ll never do any better.

Find a Career You Hate and Stick with It!

Remember you took that job as a temporary gig until you found your dream job?  You promise yourself that you’ll do the best you can at it but it is only temporary….  Now, here you are 3, 5, or even 12 years down the line and you are still there in hell staring at your egg salad sandwich (yummy).  So much for keeping your eyes and ears open for a better job opportunity, right?  You might as well stay in your terrible job until your retire…or your company goes bankrupt and your meager retirement funds disappear faster than a donut at a fat farm.  And don’t you dare join a trade group that might help further your career; that might motivate you to better your career and actually enjoy your job.

Watch Mindless Reality Television

Whoa, Einstein…put that book down and turn on your TV.  Why read a book when you can watch a bunch of worthless TV all day long.  As soon as you get home from work, mark sure you turn on that TV and just watch TV.  Maybe learn how to make a bird cage out of willow branches for the imaginary bird you will never own.

Eat Junk Food

Nothing makes you feel like a total loser that that chocolate bar you just pigged down.  Oh, it tastes wonderful as it melts in your mouth.  What is the saying…ounce on the lips, a pound on the hip.  Skip the salads, fresh fruit, and clear water.  Instead focus on yourself and your personal enjoyment.  Your kids love you no matter what and they’ll love you even more when you are dead far too early and you never know your grandchildren.

Take Up Smoking

Don’t listen to all those naysayers, millions of people smoke and they are just fine.  Besides smoking helps keep our medical-industrial-chemical-pharmaceutical overlords in business and money flowing through the economy.  Smoking adds to high blood pressure, lung cancer, throat cancer, and a boat load of other fun diseases to keep your doctor busy for years to come!   See?  Bad habits can be good for someone!

Never Try to Improve Anything

If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.  Remember how the big rage was continuous improvement?  It was the idea that you should always be trying to improve yourself, your company, your product.  Why?  Why bother?  You just look like a go getter, a mover and shaker.  You don’t need that.  Let things be the same.  Don’t go back to school either and try to improve yourself.  Stay stagnant.

Never Complete Your “To Do List”

Lists are great demotivational tools!  You can look at how long it is and how many things you have failed to do…again….everyday….forever….  My worthless advice is to put that list up on your bathroom mirror so you can see every day how you aren’t accomplishing anything at all.

Well, I’m glad you managed to waste more of your time (and your employer’s time) by demotivating yourself by reading my post for today.  Now, share your witty comments and personal best demotivating tips below in my comment section.  Come one….you know you want to!  At least hit the “Like” button so I know you feel worse than when you started reading this.

Too Many People Feeling Worthless And How I Can Help!

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I have to admit that I’m beginning to worry that chosen field of worthless advice may be becoming too crowded.  Most advice out there is worthless but at least I admit my advice is worthless and awesome.  However, the term “worthless” is being thrown around out there by everyone trying to butt in on my niche.  It is becoming annoying and rather troublesome to think that now I really have to pump out the worthless advice.

These clever imitators try to offer “helpful” advice but we know it is really “worthless”.  Top Ten Lists are the worst offenders making it easy to muck up the reader’s life by following the bullet points.  Worthless advice isn’t easy to dish out in a cookie cutter fashion.  You must be skilled at it.  You have to know that your advice really won’t help anyone but yourself.

As I scorn through the vast information highway, a simple search through my WordPress Reader makes me sick when I use the term “worthless”.

Bring on the depression when you click on the link to any blog with the term “worthless” in it.  I fall deep into a person’s written account of how they feel worthless and I need to fight the strong urge to stab my eyes with a letter opener to stop the insanity.  Then I realize that all the letter openers are in landfills because no one writes letters anymore and all those noble letter opener manufacturers are bankrupt.

Are these blogs I’ve stumbled upon really worthless?  Probably not.  Most of the writers admit that they have a good family life, a good home, and food in their stomachs but they feel worthless.  I just want to slap them upside the head and tell them to stop complaining.  Things could be worse for them.  They have access to the internet and time to write a blog about feeling worthless.  They could be stuck watching a local production of a musical by a bunch of untalented elementary students singing off key and missing their cues.

But then again, maybe they have some mental issues and I’m not being sensitive.  I understand mental issues and the problems they bring.  I know that the chemical imbalance causes havoc in the mind and crazy stuff happens.  I read a few of those crazy bloggers and they are some of the best blogs around.  You have to love craziness.

So I won’t slap them upside the head because I am sensitive (shhh…don’t tell anyone) and I do have a heart.  I usually write a positive uplifting comment on their blog to give them some encouragement.  Jeez, I’m getting soft, aren’t I?  Next thing you know I’ll be adopting sixteen cats and starting an animal shelter in my basement.  And even that wouldn’t be worthless to me or my sixteen kitty cats because I would be an awesome Crazy Cat Guy.

DSCI0327Good luck on your blog and write your witty comments below.

So why don’t you get off your lazy butt and write something?

~ K ~ 3 Comments

So why don’t you get off your lazy butt and write something?

OK folks.  I’ve been quite neglectful in my blog writing.  Sure, I could blame it on the holiday season and say I was too busy hanging up my holiday lights all over my house, my trees, my rocks, my roof to write anything remotely exciting (or sarcastic for that matter).  But the truth is (since we are being honest, aren’t we?) I have been lazy for the past month or two.

Maybe I’m in the mist of trying to discover myself?  Or perhaps the hot butter rum was just so delightful that I could hardly string a few words together to make a sentence much less write a blog for you to read.

Even my imaginary stalker Cyndi is disappointed in my lack of writing.  I’m sorry to let her and you down.

I didn’t even wish you a Happy New Year and it is already January 7 of 2014!  Man, I am scum, aren’t I?

Let’s start writing, shall we?  Let’s talk about your New Year’s Resolutions that will fail miserably.  My worthless advice: Never make New Year’s Resolutions.  You are setting yourself up for failure.  Instead, commit to a lifestyle change for the better (why would anyone make a change for the worse?).  Choose to exercise more and to eat healthier.  Choose to read a good novel, choose to drink less alcohol, choose to limit your Facebook time stalking your ex-girlfriend (or ex-spouse), choose to get your finances in order, choose to follow my blog by subscribing to it.  Just make the choice to improve yourself.  Certainly subscribing and promoting (and sharing) my blog is a good choice for you.

See?  Isn’t that better than a worthless New Year’s Resolution?  Make better choices in life.  And your spouse says I never write anything “uplifting” in my blog.  Poppycock I say!

I look forward to offering a new batch of worthless advice to you and your fellow mankind in 2014!  Let the games begin!

Why My Worthless Blog Advice is Doomed to Failure

~ K ~ 6 Comments

It’s November and I’m really trying to get back into the swing of writing my blog.  It’s not easy coming up with worthless advice for my fans to enjoy.  The burden of writing worthless advice is far more difficult that writing about good advice.  My followers always want me to fight the evils of good advice and I hope I fulfill their needs.

And it isn’t an easy battle.  I always try to instill a sense of greatness into my blogs but often fail.  There is nothing more annoying that all the mountains of great advice you can find on the internet.  There is a lot of bad advice as well but worthless advice is in short supply.

It really doesn’t help that I haven’t be motivated to write because my life has been busy.  Writing is an excellent escape for me and I enjoy it.  I just sometimes have a hard time thinking of witty things to write about.  But then again, who doesn’t have a bit of writer’s block once in a while, right?

Unlike my Facebook page, I do attempt to make this blog interesting.  If you are a Facebook friend you know I barely keep that updated.  Let’s face it; social media is a huge burden.  I am often lost in the huge arena of the internet and the vast outlets of how one can promote themselves and their blogs.  How can I keep up?  I’d need an army of teenage girls to explain and keep me posted (and others posted).  I should consider outsourcing my blog or having guest writers if I want to keep this worthless advice blog going.

Now is the time for you to throw out those great suggestions on what to write about.  Brainstorm and hit that comment button below.

Worthless Advice: Back to School Tips from Your Uncle Kev

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I sometimes forget that I am here to help my readers in their life.  Now, I know everyone doesn’t have kids in school and some of my readers look to me as an inspiration to when they make the choice to have children.  Seriously, I am an awesome father that knows how to raise awesome children.  Who wouldn’t want some worthless advice from me?

For those of you with children, you will probably learn from my worthless parenting advice that you have been raising your children all wrong.  Yes, you are incorrect in the way you parent your offspring.  Perhaps there is still time for you to reverse those bad parenting habits you have learned from the so-called “experts” out there.

One of the major things we worry about is when our kids go to Back to School and whether they will survive.  Will they be able to make it through a day without us?

To prep your child for the first day of school (and the beginning of another exciting year of learning! Oh yeah!), you should set up an imaginary school at home.

 Bullying:

Have your children dress up in the worst possible clothing combinations and make fun of their clothes.  This teaches them that bullies come in all shapes and sizes and they aren’t safe anywhere….even in their own home!

Lunch:

Ask your kids what they want for lunch.  To simulate a school lunch, take these tips to heart.  If they want hot pizza, make sure it is cold and half cooked.  If they want a cold sandwich, warmth it up so it taste terrible.  Make sure the milk is warm too.  Nothing like that taste of spoiled milk to ruin your child’s appetite!

School Supplies:

Do you get those crazy school supply lists?  We do.  I merely view them as suggestions.  If every parent bought everything on the list then the teacher would have way too many school supplies.  You should be that one parent that holds out and refuses to be a puppet in the educational supply purchasing machine complex that is controlled by our robot overlords.

Backpacks:

One way to strengthen your child’s back is to overload their backpack with useless stuff.  Throw in their favorite rock you collected from your back yard.  Add in a brick from the neighbor’s walkway.  Have them take cans of food back and forth to school.   What doesn’t break their little spines and spirits makes them stronger!

Reading:

Did your kids read during the summer?  Well, if they didn’t your kid is probably in the same boat with about 80% of the other kids in their class.  Not to worry, you can still have them read a cereal box or an old phonebook.  That counts as reading doesn’t it?

Good luck with your student this year!  Only 179 more school days for my kids until Summer Vacation 2014.

How to Make Your Husband feel Bad about having a Blog

~ K ~ 11 Comments

The other day, my wife pointed out that one of her classmates from high school was a writer and had a blog.  She mentioned that I should read it because it was not like my blog, that it was “uplifting”.  Ouch!

She also told me she doesn’t read my blog.  Double Ouch!

I enjoy mentioning this story to everyone I know because it is an excellent example of when your best client might not be your friends and family.

Certainly, some of your best clients will be people you know such as friends and family members.  However, most likely your best customers will be people who are not related to you but respect you because you do an awesome job.  They somehow discover that you are more than a stick in the mud and will get the job done and will make them happy.

My wife informed me years ago that she wouldn’t work for me because she says I’m too intense.  That doesn’t hurt my feelings in the least bit.  I also know she doesn’t do the best job for me as she could do.  She does an awesome job for everyone else but me.  What is the difference?  Why do I get average business support?

Marriage is the difference.  I know if I screw up, my wife loves me no matter what.  I also know that if I’m late, she might be mad but in the end, she loves me and knows that me being late isn’t that big of a deal.  Again, I know she’ll be pissed off but in the end she loves me.  And when she makes a mistake, I know that I can tease her about it for years to come.  We both know that that after 17 years of marriage, this is what you get.  Baby, if you wanted to end it, then you should have done it a long time ago.

We complain about each other (of course she says she never says anything bad about me but I know she has a lot to complain about.  Seriously, she is married to me!).  Every couple has there ups and downs and we are no different than any other normal couple.  If a couple says they have no problems, they are lying or one of the members is a dishrag.  Everyone has disagreements.  Claiming you get along all the time is you denying who you really are.  You are a liar.

Oh, did I hurt your feelings with that last statement?  Good.  Come to grips with reality.  If you love someone, they make a mistake, it happens.  Forgive them and move on.  If your life as a couple is so awful, then it is time to move on.  Cut your losses.

I read a lot of different types of blogs.  And if you were a good foller you’d know this, right?  I follow blogs that range  from ex-spouse horror stories, to dating horror stories of twenty somethings, to miniature horse advice stories (seriously…now that is some good stuff!).  If you want to become a great writer, you need to read a wide variety of different stories, blogs, novels, to know what is god writing and what is really bad.

Keep in mind, that I’m not a great writer or a marriage/couples counselor so my advice might be labeled as “worthless advice”.  Or perhaps it is advice that is so true to your heart you just don’t want to listen to it?

So if you were reading this blog for some worthless advice then I probably failed you greatly.  If you read this blog because I write about the truth, then you should be delighted with the reading experience.  The knowledge I have bestowed on you should keep you going for years (or at least days) to come.

As always, your comments are welcome as long as I love them.  Who are we kidding?  I’m a whore for comments….keep them coming and hit that “LIKE” button too!  Make me feel important and prove my wife that I do have some followers besides Cyndi my Imaginary Stalker!

 

Another Fun Trip to the Post Office

~ K ~ 5 Comments
Please, only 300 pieces of mail at one time!

The other day I was lucky enough to enjoy being stuck behind a woman putting 300 outgoing pieces of mail in the drive through mail box at my local post office.  I was delighted further as she did this while talking on her cell phone and used only one hand to accomplish a two handed task.  Very talented, indeed!

I think she merely forgot that there was a line of cars was behind her.  Maybe it was her day to “try” to be a better human being.

And who am I to complain?  My measly six pieces of mail were in no hurry to be placed in the mail box.  My cell phone sat in its resting spot, lonely and sad I wasn’t using it.  I should defer to her great abundance of common sense when it comes to mailing out numerous handfuls of letters.  Who would actually park their car and carry one box of 300 letters of mail into the post office?  Clearly, a moron like me who has nothing better to do!  That is probably why I wouldn’t follow my own worthless advice when it comes to mailing out some letters.

However, I know I need to be more patience in my dealings with the general public.  I sat in my car, allowed her to finish her task (without honking my horn), and she moved on.  I then mailed my letters and proceeded to be got behind her again as she sat waiting to make her turn out of the mail drop off lane.

Hmm, which way is she going to turn?  Maybe she told the person she was talking to on the phone because I didn’t have a clue.  But wait, her turn signal comes on and she is turning left.  Yes! Left at the worst possible time of the day!  Excellent!  We shall never get out of here!  And with her attention split between driving and chatting on her cell phone, this should take close to FOREVER to make the left turn.

A good five minutes later, she makes her left turn somewhat safely and we make our right turn.  Another fun trip to the post office is over with.

Are You A Crazy Writer? Then maybe I’ll follow your blog!

~ K ~ 5 Comments

What Blog Style Is the Best?

 I follow a number of different blogs to give me a cross section of reading material.  Some bloggers swear, others are inspirational, some are crazy, others suffer from their craziness (mental health issues), a few are funny, and others are sarcastic like me. 

Crazy?

 Like a hobo attracted to the railroads, I love a good train wreck of a blog.  The suffering the writer has to overcome to get their feelings and thoughts into words is one of the most attractive things about writing.  My life in comparison is quite dull and drab, so I vicariously live misery through others.  Undoubtedly, this frees me up to be more sarcastic in my own personal life.

 Everyone’s time is valuable and I appreciate you reading my worthless advice blog.  Personally, my blog postings tend to go from sarcastic to informational at times.  I also try not to post just to say I posted “something”.  Of course, I could post anything, anytime because my blog has “worthless advice” in the title.  It gives me a free-for-all writing attitude.

Oh, you don’t even know the half of it!

 Of the blogs I follow, I enjoy the bloggers that have mental issues the best. This isn’t to say that you don’t have mental issues yourself; you just don’t share them enough.  The ones with mental issues allow me to step into a different world.  What is abnormal to us is normal to them and vice versus. 

 Remember when someone does something crazy or insane?  You say to yourself “What were they thinking?”  Most likely, they were crazy and that was their normal path of thinking.

 By reading crazy people’s blogs, you get to step into their head.  These bloggers gives me an insight in their craziness.  They wouldn’t blog and write about their issues if they didn’t want you to read about them.  While I may be not in the same writing arena as they are, I still like them.  I even follow a blog about a miniature horse that gives advice.  Who is more crazy…me or the miniature horse giving advice?  But I must admit, the advice is usually pretty good…..

 Thanks again for reading and enjoying my blog.