Cyndi – My Imaginary Stalker!

~ K ~ 3 Comments

As a lazy blogger, I really have to thank Cyndi, my imaginary stalker for helping me stay on task.  I realize that life does get in the way of my blog and I don’t contribute to it as much as I should.  Sadly, this punishes the people who need my wise and amusing words more than anyone else..YOU my dear reader.  So please accept my deepest apologizes when I say I’m sorry for not being able to write as much as I should.

Do I sound like a whiny little complainer?  Oh, my life is so tough and so hard…whine, whine, and more whine.  Actually, if the blog was truly important I’d write in it everyday with my two followers hanging on to every word I managed to spill forth from my humble keyboard.

Hmm, narcissism approaches…or is it the fear that my blog is one of the millions out there that is deadly boring.  Really, what do I have to offer to the average reader besides my charming and sarcastic wit and humor?

I observe that at least Cyndi is a true die-hard reader (even if she is imaginary).  And boy, is she good for the old ego!  She never complains about my work (of course, it would be helpful if she offered a bit of advice once in a while).  Perhaps, I can expand on Cyndi’s life to bring her into more of an active role as a stalker and give her some background in which my other two readers can feel like they know Cyndi.  I think Cyndi deserves a little background and to become a little more human.

I would say Cyndi is in her mid-thirties (hey, she’s my stalker..I can make her into my imagine), she has two children, and a good husband.  She lives in the suburbs and dreams about living in the big city.  She doesn’t want to live in the big city but she dreams about it due to watching too many love stories set in New York City.

Perhaps if I had a novel or something publish, Cyndi could come to a reading…pen in hand.

Ah, enough of building our imaginary stalker Cyndi for one evening.

KOTS gets a job…and gets fired.

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Working is hard to do.  It’s even harder when you are KOTS and your stepfather offers you a no-brainer, easy job to do.  Imagine, here is your chance to work, get paid, and redeem yourself before your parents.  You’ll actually have some money and won’t have to beg or steal money from your parents.  You can prove to yourself that you can do something!

What is this dream job?  A small painting job that should keep you busy for a good 5-10 days.  The job is offered to you on Thursday.

Friday…can’t work because you have a supposed doctor’s appointment and a job interview.  Please note: You are a wussy boy who had to physically have his mommy take him to the doctor so that she knew for sure he made it.  Hmm, using a doctor’s appointment probably isn’t a good excuse unless your stepfather has a very bad memory (hint: I don’t).

Saturday…can’t work because he is working at his other (once-a-week) job.  He would have more hours there except, hmm, the manager knows he is KOTS…King of the Slackers and it shows in his job performance.

Sunday…going hunting with his friend.  I call him at 1 pm to discover he is done with hunting.  Hmm, again, another day of working hard.

Monday…can’t make it in because he has another doctor’s appointment and a job interview at 12 noon at the Olive Garden restaurant.  Seriously, another doctor’s appointment?  Really?  And a job interview at 12 noon at a restaurant?  What kind of manager would do a job interview during the lunch rush hour?

Tuesday…has to go to school in the morning, has a second job interview at Olive Garden.  Can’t make it in…

Wednesday…it’s magic time!  KOTS makes it in to work!  Tara, the job site manager, tells him to paint the trim and paint the sunroom.  KOTS quickly gets to work doing…nothing.  He spends ten minutes watching deer outside.  He has to text back everyone that texts him…he is only working…why should he stop texting for something important like work?  You know, that job that is paying him?  Oh, did I mention KOTS had to leave early for some reason…

I stopped by to check on KOTS and after KOTS left, Tara and I reviewed his work.  Tara told me not to have KOTS come back.  I was wasting my money and her time because he didn’t do anything.  He never painted the trim (what was he doing in that room?) and she had to redo the sunroom painting.  KOTS also walked across the kitchen wood floor with wet paint on his shoes.  Yes, more work for Tara to do.  Hmm, at least she’ll get some extra hours in.

That was our job experience with KOTS.  Now he is off working with his dad’s girlfriend’s son (you like that relationship explanation?)  We can only wish KOTS and his boss the best of luck!

 

The Mess that is known as KOTS’ bedroom!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

The other day, I mentioned to my imaginary stalker Cyndi that KOTS (King of the Slackers) had been asked to move out of house.  Now, this has been a long time coming because KOTS hasn’t done much of anything to advance his life.  His dear mother has been at the end of her rope with his behavior.  She kindly told him that he needed to move out.

Now, one of her fears that KOTS would be “homeless”.  Considering that we aren’t the only relatives in his family, it is pretty much impossible for him to be homeless.  Perhaps he could be homeless if he decided not to return to a home that evening.  Certainly his dad wouldn’t let him stay homeless and not offer him a room in his home.  For KOTS to be homeless, it would be his choice not his family’s choice.

Besides, KOTS isn’t into “changes” and “personal improvement”.  For him to make a choice like this is totally out of character for him.  His idea of “personal struggle” is the fact he doesn’t have any clean clothes to wear because he is too lazy to do laundry.  His suffering (or rather the people around him’s suffering) is the stench of his clothes.

This brings us full circle back to KOTS and KOTS’ situation: KOTS is not homeless.  He has a place to live and is doing quite fine without his mommy helping him.

The amusing thing about this whole situation is that our house is no different from before.  He still comes over and eats our food, he still takes showers here (and leaves his dirty clothes and towels on the bathroom floor), and still doesn’t flush the toilet.  It’s like he never left.

The only major difference is that I have taken the huge task of tackling the mess that is known as KOTS’ bedroom.  I’ve been cleaning this mess and it is a very scary mess.  I strongly believe KOTS didn’t know how the washing machine worked, what a garbage can was, or that dirty dishes are supposed to be returned to the kitchen.  I have found things that would make a professional garbage man puke.

I’ve made some headway in the room but it still has the smell of port-a-potty on a hot summer day.  I have managed to wash a good deal of clothes and packed them away for KOTS.  I could pack them away dirty, however, I have a hard time imagining myself doing that.  One bigger mystery is why I’m bothering packing up these clothes when they didn’t matter to KOTS before and they don’t matter to him now.   I found a pile of socks that could have been easily washed and worn again.  Yet they were in a pile just sitting there.

Instead, my socks have been disappearing for a long time and I have discovered where they have gone.  Mystery solved!  Sometimes, I’m so proud of myself!

 

Yet another power cord blog? Are you kidding me?

~ K ~ 2 Comments

Can you believe I am writing yet again about my laptop power cord?  You’d think we would never have to see another blog about my power cord, yet here we are again!

The other morning (after I had purchase my new power cord), I came out to living room to work on my laptop.  Sadly, I found it without the power cord attached.

I know you have to be saying to yourself “What the hell are you talking about?”  What idiot in his right mind would take your power cord?  Oh please, can we only guess who I’d like to instill the wrath of Kevin?

After my recent threats of kicking KOTS (King of the Slackers) out of the house….of my continued discussion of how I never wanted him to look at my power cord much less touch it, KOTS takes my flipping power cord!

Being the kind and understanding individual, I turned on all the bedroom lights in his room, told KOTS I’d kill him if he touched my cord (again) and clearly stated that is not to touch any of my things ever again.

Now some people might criticize me and say I overreacted.  One could argue that point until I introduce them to KOTS’ bedroom and bathroom and enlighten them to the numerous stories of KOTS misguided thinking.  KOTS has gone thru four power cords and I had to purchase a fifth power cord to get my laptop to work.  Now, what is wrong with this last sentence I just wrote?

One, KOTS has gone thru four power cords.  Two, he hasn’t paid to replace any of them.  Three, I had to buy my own replacement cord, and fourth, he took my power cord again!

What do you think would have happen to my poor little power cord?  It would have died a sad lonely death!  It would have been broken and been worthless!  I save it and myself from more misery.  Now ask yourself, did I overreact?  Did I become the monster or did I become a savior?

KOTS gets a JOB!!!

~ K ~ 1 Comment

KOTS gets a job?

As the two of you who actually read my blog know, we are in the one the worst economical times we have lived in the past 26 years.  King Of The Slackers (KOTS) supposedly has been looking (really, really hard dude!) for a job since February of this year with not an ounce of success.

I understand how depressing it can be to be unemployed…not having any money…always asking your parents for money…well, I can’t really understand it because I worked full time and went to college full time at his age but I can pretend to understand.  I decided that we need to help him out by asking all of our friends, family, associates if they knew anyone that was hiring.  Perhaps we can help him get a job and help establish himself as a productive member of society.

Our friends mentioned that their nephew ran the Kentucky Fried Chicken in West Seattle and maybe he was hiring.  They called him and inquired about any job openings.  Sadly, he didn’t have any at that particular moment, however, if KOTS could come out, he’d interview him and ask around to see if any of the other KFC restaurants were hiring.  Great news!  A step closer to some kind of job…except that KOTS decided that driving 15 miles is just too far to go for the prospect of actually getting a job.

Yes, dear readers, I was a bit upset that he didn’t rush right over there in his car that happens to be filled with gas that I paid for.  Heaven forbid, that he try to get a job, any job, and become a tiny wee bit independent from his parents.

All of this happened about two months ago at the time of this writing.  Meanwhile, KOTS continued his supposed “job search” during this time.  Then another stroke of luck come about…our friends’ nephew was given a new KFC restaurant and it was located roughly three miles from our home!  Perhaps this would be another chance for KOTS.

Again, our friends ask their nephew to give KOTS a chance and he does.  KOTS goes in for an interview and he hires KOTS!

It gets better!  KOTS is given a busy schedule of working Monday thru Friday from 10 am to 6 pm.  He has to drive all the way to Lakewood (South Tacoma area) for training one day but we are happy because he has a job and he won’t be asking us for money!

Two weeks later, KOTS’ mommy decides to stop by KFC to check on dear old KOTS.  She asks if he is working in the back and comes to discover he hasn’t come to work for the past two weeks!

Now what lame excuse did he use?  Does it really matter?  KOTS had a job but couldn’t step up to the plate and actually work.  He is scared to grow up.  At least that’s what he told us.  Really?  You are scared to grow up?  You are 19…it’s time to stop being a baby and man up!

So now old baby cakes was given another chance and is supposedly training…strangely his manager hasn’t showered him with lots of hours as a reward for lying to him.  Go figure!

So KOTS continues to tip toe thru life…..

Toilet Paper Rolls

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Sometimes I make the mistake of finding myself in the downstairs bathroom in my home.  Now most readers of my blog (well, the two readers that actually read my blog) are probably wondering why I’d be saying that being in a bathroom would be a mistake?  I write this because this bathroom is used and maintained by KOTS (King of the Slackers).

As you can imagine that KOTS isn’t Marta Stewart of housecleaning, or cleanliness in general, when it comes to keeping his room or the downstairs bathroom clean.    His bathroom is a cesspool of wet towels, dirty clothes, and toilets that are never flushed.  Yes, one can become weak in the knees entering this bathroom of doom.

On one such occasion, I found myself going in the downstairs bathroom only to discover that toilet paper roll was empty.  Not a big deal except a half roll of new toilet paper was sitting on the counter next to the toilet.  Now, a lot of homes have this situation yet it baffles me.  If you are sitting on the toilet, doing your business, how hard is it to change out the empty toilet roll and put in the brand new roll?  I mean, you really can’t go anywhere and the empty roll needs to be replaced.  Why not used some of your time to multi-task and get two tasks done in one sitting?  Is it that hard to re-focus for just a small fraction of your time and change out the empty roll for a new one?

Power Cord update

~ K ~ Leave a comment

So it has been a while since I’ve managed to contribute to my blog.  Sadly, this is because of my lack of a power cord for my laptop.  As the two of you who actually read my blog know, my power cord was destroyed by our favorite slacker, KOTS.  That was the third and last power cord in the house for the laptops.

One would imagine that it wouldn’t be a difficult task to get a power cord yet it turned into a major chore.  Now, a few months later and $79.99 later, I’m proud to announce that I have a power cord.  And KOTS paid for it!  Just kidding!  KOTS actually pay for something?  Oh please!

Everyday items in our home have a habit of disappearing and ended up in KOTS bedroom.  I noticed our water glasses have an annoying habit of gathering in KOTS’ bedroom.  They are often joined by bowls and spoons and various amounts of candy bar wrappers, power bar wrappers, soda cans, bank statements…have you seen the new show on A & E called “Hoarders”?  This is what KOTS’ room looks like.

Slacking is hard to do!

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Recently, Cyndi (my imaginary stalker…remember every “real” blogger has a stalker) commented that I’m not keeping up with my blog as much as I should.  One of the problems I’ve run into is that my power cord to my laptop has died and writing my blog has becoming an insurmountable task.  Now, I have to go down to my office and write on my desktop instead of wasting my life in front of my TV and writing a blog (that no one besides Cyndi reads).

Now, I did have a power cord that work until KOTS (King of the Slackers) got a hold of it.  One day, I was looking at my laptop and noticed that it wasn’t plugged in.  Strange, I thought because I know I plugged it in last night…

One can only guess that my power cord had wandered off to KOTS’ (King of the Slacker’s) bedroom.  Why the hell did it end up there?  KOTS informed me that his power cord doesn’t work anymore.  And why is this my problem, I wondered?  His original power cord doesn’t work so he was using Angie’s laptop power cord.  Now, his second power cord wasn’t working.  So KOTS has gone thru two power cords and is working on destroying my laptop’s power cord.  I see a pattern developing here….

Now, hold on.  KOTS can’t possible possess the ability to ruin things, can he?  Let’s review the evidence….

His original power cord…doesn’t work.

The power cord to Angie’s laptop….doesn’t work.

My laptop power cord…after he used it…doesn’t work.

And to top it off…his cell phone power cord doesn’t work either!  That’s four power cords he has man handled and now they don’t work.  What the hell he does with them is beyond me.  How can you mess up four power cords so that they don’t work?

Yet, KOTS assures me that he’ll buy new power cords for all of us…with what money?  Don’t you need a job to make money to purchase things?

Speaking of the job search…KOTS did manage to work a few days at Labor Ready.  They weren’t full days (baby steps people, baby steps…) yet it was a beginning.  However, KOTS has quickly forgotten that you must actually go to Labor Ready everyday if you want to actually work. 

Now, mind you, today KOTS’ mommy had to drive his sorry (almost) 19 year old ass to the dentist for phase one of his filling in the seven (7) cavities he has.  On Wednesday he’ll do the second appointment to fill in the rest.  Seven cavities!  Has he never heard of a toothbrush?  Where does all the toothpaste I buy go?  What about all the fluoride mouthwash?  Is it just expensive drain cleaner for the bathroom?

This morning, KOTS put up the biggest cry fest you can imagine about going to the dentist.  It was like dealing with a two year old.  He even claimed to have a “job interview” at a sandwich shop at 9 am in the hopes his mommy would cancel the appointment for him.

I think it is time for him to put his big boy pants on and be a tough little man!  I was told to refrain from that type of comment (hmmm, a little bit sarcastic?) when speaking with KOTS.  Only six more years until he turns 25 (that’s the average age boys move out of their mommy and daddy’s home).  Keep in mind that is an average age meaning some poor person (like me) has a kid that lives in the home for longer to bring that average up!

An Inch Of Milk

~ K ~ Leave a comment

I enjoy a nice tall cold glass of milk like the next person as long as the next person isn’t lactose intolerant.  Personally, I need a calcium dose daily to avoid leg cramps in my calf muscles.  I grew up in a home paid for by a self employed small business person so every cost directly affects the success of the household.  At meals, you took only what you could finish because you were taught to stretch the food budget by not wasting food.

I thought I had passed this helpful tip onto my children.  Like myself, my children enjoy milk and pour themselves a glass here and there.  This would be a good thing besides the fact that KOTS (King Of The Slackers) insists on leaving an inch of milk in his glass all the time.

It doesn’t matter how thirsty or hungry he is, KOTS will always leave an inch of milk in the glass.  It has been my experience that most teenagers eat and drink like it was going out of style.  Every time you chat with a parent of a teenager, they always complain that they can’t keep milk in the house.  The teenager will consume it to the last drop much like small children unatteded with a bowl of candy:  nothing will be left.  Not so with KOTS.  KOTS will always, without fail, pour a glass of milk and leave one inch of milk in the glass.  He can’t seem to finish that last bit of milk whether it is glass of milk at a restaurant or at home.

There is no rhyme or reason to this.  It however, is a fact of life much like the rising of the sun or KOTS ability to not find a job.  He will always leave the inch of milk in the glass.  You could question him about it but it is generally a waste of time and energy to do so (remember this is KOTS we are talking about).  He doesn’t know why he does it but he does it every time.  I have the strong belief that is done just to annoy me and to cause yet another tip in the balance of slacker vs. contributing member of society with slacker winning.

Someone could argue it is the nature of the teenager to do something that they know annoys their parents.  This “something” has developed into a habit.  I think it is etched in his personal habits and no matter what, he cannot and will not take that last drink of milk.  You could threaten to pour the remaining milk in his glass on his head and he still wouldn’t finish it.

I pose an economic and psychological question: If KOTS paid for his own milk, would he still leave that last one inch of milk in his class?

One will never now until he moves out in 6 years……

King of the Slacker’s Lastest Adventures

~ K ~ 3 Comments

Another day of doing nothing….

I clearly remember that after I finished my first year of college, I was working at a warehouse during the summer full time (after going to school the past year full time AND working full time) and usually got in about 10-11 hours a day of work.  I had to pay my own college tuition, car insurance, gas, and food.  I think at that time I had a pager (no cell phone in those days).  At one point, I had a second job during that summer being a lifeguard for a short summer program.  Now, I tell you to put into perspective when I tell you I really have a very hard time with KOTS (King of the Slackers) not having a job.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he just got back from a very successful year at college studying pre-med and getting a high GPA.  Instead, at 11:25 am, I get to hear a new excuse of “my stomach doesn’t feel good” and another day of not looking for work.  However, I was pleased to discover that his dear mother (my wife) listened to me and told him that IKEA was looking for workers in their restaurant.  He did manage to leave the house after a nice long shower and a good breakfast of eggs, toast, and milk (all supplied by yours truly). Supposedly he headed to the Renton IKEA to apply for a job we had to tell him about.  I’m surprised I didn’t have to hold his hand and walk him across the street to apply for the job.

A lot of KOTS’ (King Of The Slackers) life is based on “supposedly” and “allegedly” doing things that involve improving his life and looking for a job.  Supposedly, KOTS was going to clean his room….allegedly he was going to stop by our friend’s KFC (our friend’s nephew is the manager) and get a job application.  Yet this never seems to happen in his realm of reality.  In the meantime, I still end up paying and getting really, really annoyed.

It wouldn’t be so bad (at least I tell myself this) if he picked up after himself, turned off the lights, put his own dirty dishes into the dishwasher, and just pulled his own weight.  Instead, we get the pleasure of cleaning his dirty crusty dishes and burnt egg on our frying pans.  Even after I tell him to his face in the kitchen that he needs to put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, he ignores me.

What do you think would be a good answer when I remind him to take care of his dishes?  A normal human might say “I’m sorry, I’ll do it” or simply say “thanks for the reminder”.  What do I get out of KOTS?

“My bad.”

“Oops.”

Or my favorite “I forgot.”

How the hell do you forget something I told you flipping 30 seconds ago?  If I smacked you across the head with a baseball bat do you think you’d forget that in thirty seconds?  This isn’t rocket science; it’s simply good manners.

Now one would wonder why I put up with this crap.  I really wonder why myself.  Mostly it stems from my love for my wife and my avoidance of having to deal with arguing with my wife over KOTS lack of respect and motivation.  If I was a violent individual, I really probably would have put my fist thru KOTS’ face a hell of a long time ago.

I would argue that to encourage KOTS to actually do something, one must set goals and work towards them.  If he doesn’t like it he can move out.  There is no free ride in this world, even the bus costs you something.  I’m asking for something if you plan to ride the bus.

KOTS’ mother’s fear is that when we actually put our foot down, KOTS will be so upset, he’ll move out.  Her poor 18 year old little boy will be homeless and starve to death if we put our foot down.  She seems to forget that:

  1. His father lives about 60 minutes away and has a house.  Gee, do you think he could live there?
  2. He has numerous friends that he could crash with.
  3. He could actually find a job and rent an apartment with a roommate.

Honestly, do you really think his Dad isn’t going to take him in?  Come on, let’s wake up and smell the coffee.  Let’s shift the burden over to his Dad’s household.  Hell, I’d pay for the moving van on this project.

Until next time my two readers (and Cyndi my stalker)……

Upcoming subjects:

One inch of Milk

Kevin’s Generous Moving Out Offer

Cell Phones and Left Arms