Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

How to Romance Your Husband


This evening I stumbled upon a blog post from a wife writing about “How to Romance Her”. It was six easy steps…or rather suggestions to romance her (or other women). I couldn’t help think to myself that as a man, I could use some romance in my life too!

Below, are seven (because six isn’t enough) romance tips to jump start that romance spark in your life.

Now, this isn’t to say my wife isn’t romantic but clearly my blog is about worthless advice and not about my marriage!! Besides, we all know my wife has to live with me and has to put up with my many highly entertaining comments. So when you see my wife’s comments below, just remember Cyndi (My Imaginary Stalker) will certainly be there to stroke my ego in the event my wife doesn’t. So if my wife isn’t romancing me, be sure to send her this blog post so she can pick up some suggestions.

However keep in mind Cyndi isn’t prefect….or is she?

Enough with Cyndi….Shall we begin with some ideas on how to Romance Your Husband?

Dress Up for Him:
Skip dressing up as a sexy maid or a hooker (trust me that ship as sailed). I would suggest dressing up as the something your husband really desires: a lawn maintenance worker that actually mows the lawn. Nothing says “sexy” as a freshly cut lawn! Or grab that leaf blower and clean out the gutters…uh, that makes you so yummy!

Write Him A Love Note:
What kind of love note? I would like to have a love note written on a $100 bill. Even if you aren’t my wife, you could still send me a $100 love note. Shh, go ahead and send it…I won’t tell!

Cook Him His Favorite Dinner:
What? It doesn’t have to be his favorite, it just has to taste good. We all want a wife that can cook and we really want one that cooks something that is actually edible. So if you are watching the Food Network 7 hours a day, for goodness sake, make sure what you serve up is worth all those hours you wasted in front of the TV.

Wear Perfume:
Sure, throw on some expensive perfume. Nothing like reminding your husband that you forget to shower for the past three days. Of course, the fact you are still in your pajamas at 5:30 in the evening and have cat puke in your hair might be a giveaway as well.

Let Him Enjoy His Hobbies Guilt Free:
Well, if your husband is into hookers and cocaine, who am I to say he needs to give up his hobbies? As a loving, supportive wife you should support his habits no matter how boring and mundane they may be. So that train geek running his toy trains in the basement isn’t so bad, is he? Maybe you prefer your husband liking hookers? It’s your choice….just be supportive.

Send a Sexy Text Message:
In between dropping the kids off at soccer practice and drinking your nonfat latte, send him a sexy text. Maybe something like “oh, I did the dishes AND the laundry today. Maybe I might just tackling ironing your shirts this afternoon….meow.” Trust me, that is a truly sexy text.

Be A Maid:
A bucket, a brush, and a clean house is way sexier than just wearing a boring old French maid costume! Don’t sell yourself short; you can be super sexy cleaning up the kitchen AND the bathroom. Don’t let anyone tell you different! Be the change you deserve in your life!

So get out there and let the romance ooze from your body! Show your husband you know how to keep the spark of romance alive!! Vacuum the living room, fold some clothes, enjoy your marriage to the fullest with my romance tips. Don’t say my blog of worthless advice didn’t you something to keep that marriage (or long term relationship) alive for one more day!

As always, your comments are welcome if you can drag your tired, weary hands across the keyboard. At least hit the “Like” button so I feel like someone (besides my mom and Cyndi) reads my blog.

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14 responses to “How to Romance Your Husband

  1. Reinventing Lucky November 13, 2014 at 6:51 am

    It was an effort to drag my hand across my table with a mouse in it. That is it, I am done for the day and going back to bed.

  2. The Cutter November 13, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    Aside from the perfume (Can’t stand the smell!) this sounds like advice I should send to my wife.

  3. hollie November 13, 2014 at 9:37 pm

    This was hilarious Kevin! Should I get a husband at any point I’ll be sure to keep these in mind.

  4. Shelley November 13, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    The expensive perfume that the husband purchased??? Now that one I could go for.

  5. purpleslobinrecovery November 19, 2014 at 5:58 am

    Love, Love, Love!!
    I should have applied these! Especially love the lawn maintenance worker costume idea! Glad you commented on my blog so I found yours. So funny!
    Melinda

  6. dotcablogger November 19, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    >>Be A Maid:
    >>A bucket, a brush, and a clean house

    Ah, no!

    Here’s my reason why: I already clean our house EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. So, nope, I won’t add that to my options on how to romance my husband 😛

  7. dotcablogger November 19, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    As for the perfume: My husband has to buy it for me to wear.

    The text msg I find easy to do, and so I do it.

    Also any list on how I should romance the [insert the gender of the person right here] that I have a relationship with, I actually just ignore. I already do lots of tasks, and any such list is really only advertising “one more thing” for me to do. And suggesting to me that I should do “one more thing” just makes me think “nope” and “that’s not fair to me” 😛

    So reading these lists just makes me tired, and I just move along to another article.

    But you can tell that I’m not asking for a flame war? I like your blog, and I will just appreciate other posts of yours 🙂

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