Jeez, another year has whipped by and we are here on the edge of 2014. I could sit back and reflect upon all the events of the past year but that is what Facebook is for. I didn’t write a holiday newsletter because of that. Good old lazy me won out, no newsletter for you because I’m lazy.
I also won’t be making any New Year’s Resolutions. Improving yourself shouldn’t be limited to the beginning of the New Year. If you want to make a positive change, nothing beats the present time as the best time to do it. Make the change today; right now. Don’t wait. If you want to lose ten pounds, work out today. Start today. If you want to start a new business, do it today. Think up a clever name and logo, send it in to the state government and start your business.
A couple of days ago, I came in at 215 lbs. That is 11 pounds under my starting weight of 226. Not bad since we all started the Fat Ass Dads Weight Loss Challenge around September 4. Of course one whiny father waited until after his birthday to start because he couldn’t resist stuffing his fat face full of cheeseburgers, fries, ice cream, birthday cake, and Pacific Northwest microbrews. I guess my advice was deemed worthless advice when I muttered the word: moderation.
Besides my weight loss, I’m not sure of everyone’s weight loss progress. Only two of my friends (Mark and Kris) have reported to me their weight loss. I suspect some of the Dads are hoping I forgot about it (or them) and will let this little contest faded away. But unlike my belly fat and my hair, we are all in this for the long haul.
Now, one of the Dads would like us all to have a little get together to meet all of the participants in the Fat Ass Dads Weight Loss Challenge. I’m hoping it is so he can size up the competition and see if he has a decent chance of winning. In my opinion, he could take it all. He has the most to lose and as a result would come out a huge winner.
However, if he wants to get together to talk about our “feelings” in regards to this contest and the underlying reasons behind why we are doing it, then I’m out. I’m not here to talk about personal motivation nor dive deep into some psychology babble about how my kitty cat doesn’t love me anymore and that’s why I’m fat. My personal motivation is that I have a pot belly. Sure, it doesn’t look huge because I have broad shoulders, massive biceps, and a killer smile. On top of that, my sculptured back is hard to miss. Throw my extremely good looking muscular legs that make Arnold Schwarzenegger look like a twig stick man, then it is easy to miss my belly fat. But it is there. And it is disappearing.
So you can see, I know my motivation. I don’t need to talk about my feelings. Feelings are for your special “girlfriend” you like to talk to. Sure, some people might refer to her as a whore but who am I to judge? She could be a hooker or a therapist. I’ll be neutral and use the term “friend”. Talk to your special friend about your feelings because we know your spouse doesn’t care (or your male friends for that matter) about your personal motivation.
One method I have found useful of avoiding talking about your feelings, yet will allow you to loss weight, is doing a few lines of coke off your special girlfriend’s ass. However, I think the preferred method nowadays is crystal meth. Again, not my cup of tea but to each their own, right?
All joking aside (and it is a joke people…just say “no” to drugs), the Fat Ass Dads Weight Loss Challenge continues. I’m going to continue to eat my daily salads, eat my protein, and do a killer workout.
As always, your sarcastic thoughts, gems of wisdom, and worthless advice are welcome.
This evening I went to my daughter‘s “curriculum” night at her school. This just happens to be my last one for elementary school. Have you forgotten about curriculum night? Or maybe you are a bad parent and have never attended one before? Basically, the teacher tells you what your child will be learning over the course of the year. In the great State of Washington, goals have changed and the names of the goals have changed. We’ve had WASL goals, we’ve had Iowa tests, we’ve had critical thinking goals, MAPSAT, BS Goals, etc. The acronyms keep rolling out and the goals keep changing but it all comes down to this: we want our kids grow up with a decent brain inside their heads.
I’m all for progress and helping my child become a world thinker who is compassionate and uses critical thinking in their ever changing world of shifting paradigms while at the same time becoming a global citizen that needs to manage her own future. How about that? Is that a “mission statement” or what?
One of the new math concepts is for our students to work on the computer solving problems. Really? The teacher had a sample problem involving pizza and two kids. One kid was named Lucas. All I was thinking while she was showing us the math word problem was that Lucas was a fat pig who shouldn’t be eating 3/8 of the cheese pizza, 4/8 of the pepperoni, and ¼ of another one. That Lucas kid is going to be one fat ass kid with weight and self-esteem issues if he keeps pigging out. Poor Lucas. Did Lucas think he found the best Seattle pizza?
Welcome back to School!
My other concern was that it was fairly stupid to being solving this math problem on a computer. A good old pencil and paper would be a lot quicker and easier to use. How are they going to do the math on the fly if the computer isn’t there? Hmm? Are the children of today (and tomorrow) going to be able to do math without the use of a pull down menu? Could they mix art and math together and sketch out the problem on paper with a pencil and still figure it out?
Really, all I saw was that our schools were teaching our kids to rely on a computer to create a whole bunch of extra work to solve a simple math word problem. They can make pie graphs, charts, etc. That’s great but it is a simple problem. They don’t need to make a ten page report on it that is a waste of everyone’s time. Are we creating a society of mid-level managers that make reports for the heck of it and to justify their jobs?
“I have that twenty page report on why we shouldn’t eating Twinkles!” Conclusion: Uh, because they are bad for us? Or maybe we should eat them because it helps the fitness industry keep fitness instructors employed?
Over the years, I’ve learned that you need to watch less TV, get off the worthless texting and Instagram, Facebook, social media sites, and read more nonfiction (that was a big one tonight) and classic novels. I would also add you need to get out and experience life. Take the kids to museums, road trips, ferry boat rides, hikes, walks, boat rides, and feel the wind in your face.
Don’t get me wrong; I love the internet as much as you do. All the information at your fingertips, merely a click away…it’s wonderful.
Yet, I’m just as guilty as other parents and their children in letting social media run our lives. I have a hard time disconnecting from my iPhone. I have slowed down my use of social media. I have tried to make a deliberate effort not to check my phone when I’m doing activities with the family. I try to ignore that email buzz on my phone. It is hard. Sometimes I’m good and other times I’m not.
What are your thoughts about using only computers for school work these days? Will it work?
There are a lot of things I am good at: Photography, sleeping, swimming, aikido, to name a few. There are other things I’m OK at doing: building decks, mowing lawns, blogging, walking and chewing gum at the same time. And then are things that I have never done but I get thrown into (and thus have to rise to the challenge). A clear example: Running the cash register at my cousin’s husband’s Gyro Café Seattle near Group Health on Capitol Hill.
Allow me to jog your memory about my truly awesome performance. Back on February 4, 2014, I worked at Gyro Café Seattle for a whole two hours. As an excellent blogger, I wrote about my cashier experience here on my blog of worthless advice. Here is the link:
As in any endeavor I partake in, I rocked it. It was a little hard at first. However, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t rise to the top and become the best employee he has ever seen. I even awarded myself the Employee of the Month Award on my first day on the job (click here).
So imagine to my surprise when I received the other day, a text from my cousin Kim (who monitors the Yelp! Reviews ) about a review she had from the time I worked there. Dear cousin Kim was reading through the Yelp reviews and came across one from the day I worked the cash register. Keep in mind, I was there for a mere two hours at the Café Gyro Seattle and that was way back in February 2014. As you can see below, I got an excellent review…5 out of 5 stars. (Which is really no surprise, right?)
And I’m planning to milk this thing forever! I put it on my Facebook and now on my blog.
Here’s my reviewer…I’m sure this isn’t her real photo but she has the potential to be become the future Mrs. Kevin Hellriegel Number 2 (or it just Cyndi my imaginary stalker).
To be honest, this reviewer is actually probably one of my friends (or cousins) playing a trick on me. At least, this is my train of thought because it was created on the day my blog post went up. Or is this actually Cyndi, my imaginary stalker writing it? We had a few friends over for dinner yesterday and they thought for sure I wrote it. It would have been a big coup on my part but I didn’t write it.
So after this wonderful review….what is the next thing I plan to do? Uh, work there every Monday and be the sarcastic older hunk with the dreamy eyes for this reviewer (if this reviewer actually were a real person). What else would I do? Sometimes you have to give the (imaginary customers) public what they want. I will do anything to boost sales. I am going to be the eye candy for to help increase sales. I can accept that burden for my dear family.
I hope you see you all there on Mondays for a wonderful lunch. What could be better besides some sarcastic quips AND awesome food???
Bad news, I didn’t win the lottery with my lucky $2 bill while I vacationed in Winthrop, WA over my birthday weekend. Of course, this leads into my good news that I can now continue to blog and offer worthless advice to Cyndi (my imaginary stalker) and my three other readers (special shout out to my blogger friends on Vancouver Island and in the great state of Kansas). I do appreciate your following my worthless advice blog!
With my lack of winning the lottery, my retirement plans include to continue to work and save money. In the meantime, I will enjoy the sunshine. If you haven’t heard, we have had a rash of good weather here in the Seattle area for the past few days. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook (if you don’t, you really should), you might have noticed that I have been posting photos of myself out on location as the awesome school photographer I am (and a modest one as well). Today, we hit 81 degrees at the Sea-Tac Airport and I’m sure it was 84 here in Kent, WA. I love this kind of weather: sunshine and a little heat.
Since my blogging career and online business income hasn’t exploded into a massive fortune, I am not moving any time soon to Kauai (as seen on the TV show “Hawaii Life”) or any other warm climate. Sure, I have talked about moving but I most likely won’t be moving anytime soon.
I have considered Kauai since my parents still live there but I am apprehensive considering my past experience as a youth on Kauai. And the larger question is: What would I do on Kauai? I would probably avoid doing any work of any sort and that would be a bad thing. I’d get fat and tan and lay on the beach like a Hawaiian Monk Seal and that wouldn’t be good, would it?
I would probably have a hard time blogging too because I couldn’t complain about the rainy Seattle weather or the awful traffic. What would I blog about?
Nah, I think I’ll continue to complain about the rainy, cold weather of Seattle and give worthless advice about blogging, retirement, and how to make money online. Since, I am the King of Worthless Advice, I should be perfect at it!
Thanks for not even bothering to read my blog today. Just hit the “like” button!
I’m out on location and we are experiencing some beautiful sunshine here in the Seattle area. Usually on days like these, I would blow off work. Instead, I embrace it with open arms. Why should I enjoy an awesome day like today?
I should stay inside and close the drapes.
In reality, I want the sun. Ah, sunshine come here my elusive lover. How you tease me!
I may complain a great deal about our rainy Northwest weather but today is not one of those days. I just wish I was caught up on my work so I could skip out of work. Instead, I’m playing catch up with digital images and I’m out on location (outside) for another 45 minutes.
I also hate writing and posting from my phone on WordPress. It is so cumbersome, I mess up on my tags, I get lost in the interface menu. I feel like an idiot. I blame it on the sun.
Have a great afternoon. Sorry, that I would be able to offer any worthless advice today….the sunshine had zapped my powers of sarcasm.
I’m out on location and we are experiencing some beautiful sunshine here in the Seattle area. Usually on days like these, I would blow off work. Instead, I embrace it with open arms. Why should I enjoy an awesome day like today?
I should stay inside and close the drapes.
In reality, I want the sun. Ah, sunshine come here my elusive lover. How you tease me!
I may complain a great deal about our rainy Northwest weather but today is not one of those days. I just wish I was caught up on my work so I could skip out of work. Instead, I’m playing catch up with digital images and I’m out on location (outside) for another 45 minutes.
I also hate writing and posting from my phone on WordPress. It is so cumbersome, I mess up on my tags, I get lost in the interface menu. I feel like an idiot. I blame it on the sun.
Have a great afternoon. Sorry, that I would be able to offer any worthless advice today….the sunshine had zapped my powers of sarcasm.
Sigh. It is hard to keep motivated when you have a blog about worthless advice. I find myself distracted by all the happiness and goodness of the world. Once in a while, there is some stupid financial advice you can cling to to Demotivate you. My favorite: Make more money and spend less. Whoa. Heart stopping advice.
Facebook doesn’t help either. People are always updating their Facebook status with “I’m having a great time with my family on our trip to Maui”. Or “I just won $300 at the casino and I’m currently up $600”. No one admits they have just lost their kid’s college fund (if they even bother to start one). No one says they hate their overbearing uncle during the family reunion on Kauai. I thought you were suppose to over share on Facebook? Isn’t that what your Facebook friends want?
You don’t want to be happy all the time. You want to get upset and be angry. Oh, does that offend you when I say something like that? Should I be happy all the time and have positive thoughts all the time? Should I shrug my shoulders up and say “Oh Well” when there is a school yard shooting? Should I not be angry when there is injustice in the world?
You can’t be positive all the time. There are times when you won’t be happy. I know I won’t be a billionaire in my chosen career path. The numbers just don’t support it. I can make a very comfortable living but I won’t be flying on a private jet from photo session to photo session. That doesn’t upset me. I’m ok with that.
I do wish I was a better blogger and a better writer. I wish I could have the dedication to sit down between my other projects and write a bestselling novel. However, I accept the fact I’m lazy and making excuses for not doing the things I should be doing or the things I want to do. I own my failures and understand that in their own twisted way they help to motivate me.
I’m sorry, I’m suppose to be talking about demotivating you, not helping you! Silly me, trying to better the world through my logical thought process. If something is really important to you, then you should do them. Unless it is a meth habit, you shouldn’t do it. Highly addictive and it will cause you to make bad choices. Most of the time, you hurt your family and friends. Hmm, maybe you shouldn’t do what you want, right?
I want to run my car into the stupid driver in front of me but I don’t. I want to sleep in but I get my butt up and work. I’ll work late to catch up when I fall behind. I don’t get to do whatever I want because I’m a responsible adult with grown up bills to pay. Sigh. Now, I’m feeling more demotivated. I’m glad I was about to work though this “up and happy” moment.
You just have to enjoy a good movie on Tuesday, especially when it is a Tainted Love Tuesday movie on Lifetime. Always a source of enjoyment for me because I love the craziness of the relationships that are portrayed on the storyline.
My life is very normal. Some would say “dull”. My friends complain I drive like an old man.
All these character traits make me prefect at giving awesome worthless advice. It helps me keep my worthless advice so real and true to the heart. I don’t have a spouse that wants to kill me for insurance money nor do I have a business partner that wants the business all for himself. My career choice is somewhat dull. I do have a vivid imagination which helps me from dying of boredom but otherwise I’m a fairly normal person.
I don’t have any dangerous hobbies that makes me exciting or interesting.
Yet, I offer a solid safe port of worthless advice for my four dear followers and my imaginary stalker Cyndi. I am the clear thinking person you can email or call and I’m there to get your head back in the right space. I make calmness appear from chaos.
I’m not a therapist and I can’t magically solve your problems. I’m no superhero. I just like to listen and hear your problems, ideas, thoughts, troubles and hopefully give you someone else to believe in.
It is April and I have been too busy thinking of worthwhile advice to make any good worthless advice posts. It is a tough business thinking up worthless advice for my four followers to read about. Yes, I picked up a new follower today so I’m pretty sure I’m up to four people that follow me.
Now, Cyndi (my imaginary stalker) is by far my favorite. She loves everything I write and this does wonders for my fragile ego. Heck, I need all the pats on the back I can get. Blogging is a really tough gig, as you all know. My lack of posting on a regular doesn’t help to make my blog anymore popular either.
So I’ll be offering you the best worthless advice this coming month! Maybe we can talk about taxes, school photos, health insurance? What is more worthless than my advice (besides my travel tips)?
As always your comments are needed to keep my feelings from being hurt. Pretend you read me every day!
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Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 