Got too much debt? Try these sarcastic debt relief tips!

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Man, talk about a downer topic for my sarcastic sense of humor.  However, I know I have to help others out there with humor and wit.

Debt Relief Tips:

Stop spending money!  Seriously, do you really need to have that latte?  Try drip coffee out of the coffee pot in your kitchen.  Better yet, stop by  and drink his coffee and eat his donuts.

Speaking of breakfast: skip it!  Or see the example above for a free breakfast.

Ditch one of your many phone lines.  Do you need a cell phone and a home phone?  No one calls you anyway…maybe you should get rid of both.

Stop buying new clothes every week!  Seriously, if you are a married women, your husband could care less about what you are wearing.  He married you and he’s stuck with you.  You aren’t impressing him anymore.  Are you dressing up for that special guy at work?  Stop it!  You’re not a whore!

Haircuts, getting a haircut or a new hairstyle every 6-7 weeks instead of 3-4 weeks.  Again, your husband or boyfriend doesn’t even notice when you get it cut or get a new hairstyle, so why bother anyway?  Put it in a ponytail and call it good.

For guys, you know you are a moron anyway since you are spending $30 (plus tip) for a haircut every month.  I’m bald and I’m happy because I’m not wasting $360 a year on haircuts.  Who’s laughing now about being bald?

Don’t buy any new furniture just because your spouse wants to.  The kids are going to ruin it anyway by spilling soda pop and chips on your couch.  And in 12 months your wife will complain that your furniture is now “outdated”.  See, if you follow my advice you won’t be wasting money on a new furniture now or in another 12 months.

Switch to a one car family: Heck, if your wife can’t drive to the store she can’t spend money!

Internet: Switch back to dial up.  Again, if your wife and kids can’t surf the web fast, they’ll stop using the computer.  This helps to keep your wife from shopping online and stops kids from looking at porn!  Besides you have high speed internet at work: use it!

Those are your debt relief tips for today!

Psst! I final got a blog entry for you to read!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Hey, it’s a new year and I’m finally getting around to posting a new blog entry,  what a way to build that readership up to high levels!  Maybe, I’ll get a whole two new readers.  In fact, I gave my grandma one of my old computers and made the opening page on here search engine my blog page!  Now she is forced to be one of my readers!  Only 6 billion people more to go….

What have I been up to lately?

As you know, I split my interests between photography, reading, and real estate.  Once in a while the three major interests of my life converge together in a most interesting way.  This hasn’t happened to me recently so I don’t have a great story to tell you, however, I did have one of my clients’ homes sell and close this month.  We are looking for a new home for them in the Fairwood/Renton area of Washington.  There are a great deal of homes for sale and there definitely is no lack of inventory to see.  One of our greatest challenges is finding a house with a fairly nice kitchen, a decent size backyard, and a decent master bedroom and master bathroom.  We are looking in the $300K to $430K price range.

Now, this would be easy but once you get into the upper price range, the houses do get large in size: 2800-3500 sq ft.  There are only three people in the family so that house size is extreme.  The smaller and cheaper houses tend to have less square footage and less upgrades making them less appealing.

Add   this mix falling values and overpriced homes, a narrow search area, and you get a lot of homes to look at that don’t quite fit the bill.

You want to know a secret?  I love looking at homes!  I love seeing the layouts, the landscaping, the extras people have added to their homes.  It is fun stuff!  The best part is hanging out with people you enjoy while looking at houses…it is addicting….like Facebook.  Speaking of Facebook, I’m in a dry and sober mode now.  I haven’t been checking out Facebook or updating my Facebook page and I feel free!

Of course, now with a new blog entry I have to post it on Facebook.  Hmm, a problem.

I can log on for just a minute…I can get through it…I can resist to urge to stay of Facebook for hours and hours….I can do this!

Does a Pyschic really need your phone number?

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Do psychics really need to have your phone number?  Wouldn’t they know you were planning to call them?   Therefore wouldn’t they be ready to receive your call?

I’ve never been to a psychic (gee, could you guess that?) and I really am not educated in any manner to discuss or float any ideas about psychics.  I have no concrete proof that they are phonies or that they are real.

However, one incident that still sticks out in my mind was a trip to Lopez Island.  I was finished working on Lopez Island and was waiting for the next ferry to catch back to Anacortes.  At the end of waiting lane, there is a small cafe/coffee stand offering lattes, muffins, hamburgers to the waiting travellers.  I was bored and a bit chilled so I decided to wander down to the cafe for a nice hot latte.

I walked down, entered the cafe.  Nothing usually about that, lots of people drink lattes on cold winter days.  I entered the small cafe, nothing too out of the ordinary, just your typical small cafe.  The line for the espresso machine was short; two locals where chatting with the lady behind the counter making small talk.  I listened to their conversation (nothing too exciting) and waited to place my order.

The folks in front of me, ordered, received their drinks and moved to the side.  I simply asked for a latte.  Nothing fancy, no nonfat milk, no special flavors, just a nice hot latte.

The first thing out of the woman’s mouth is “You’re an Aries, aren’t you?”

I am!  I am an Aries!  How the heck did this lady know I was an Aries after the only thing I said to her was to request a latte!  I know a lot of different types of people who drink lattes and they sure aren’t all Aries.  How did she know I was an Aries?

I somehow managed to keep my shock and amazement contained and simply said “Why yes, I am.”

I paid for my latte and walked out of old crazy town that day wondering how the heck she knew I was an Aries after uttering one sentence.

Facebook Addiction

~ K ~ Leave a comment

I’ve recently been succumbing to my Facebook addiction and spending way too much time on Facebook.  However, it has been enjoyable catching up with voices from the past and exchanging messages back and forth; some of these people I haven’t talk to for 15-20 years and yet I still enjoy talking (writing) with them.

Or do I just enjoy in my own narcissistic manner seeing myself writing and trying to impress these friends from the past?  Do my thoughts I write down really bring anything into the lives of these friends from the past?  Are they happy to hear from me?  I’m sure they are happy to hear from me at that particular moment.  Who wouldn’t enjoy getting a note from a friend.  Yet, the novelty of the experience will soon wear off and my friends from the past will disappear.  They will return to posting on their current friends walls and I’ll be sent to the depths of their friends list.  A forgotten voice from the past that deserves to be forgotten?

Then, at the moment, my inbox will never grow and I’ll have to go and find some new friends on Facebook or worse yet, communicate with my relatives!

I must admit that I really do enjoy hanging out with my cousins so it really isn’t that bad that I communicate with them on Facebook, texting, or even using the good old phone.  Some of my cousins (and my siblings ) share my sarcastic sense of humor or have a mild form of it.  Sadly, I am the one with the huge pot of steaming sarcasm waiting to boil over and engulf its victims.

One would think that this endless cycle of ex-friends, ex-girlfriends, and distant relatives coming into the friend’s list would turn me off of Facebook.  It would make me a cold, heartless blogger that is only out to build up my list of followers in the hopes to get a big writing contract and make millions of dollars in the process….well, we certainly know that I’m already a cold, heartless person so I’m a quarter of the way there.  I have a stalker Cyndi (who claims to be real yet we haven’t heard from her lately…Cyndi, I miss you, I really miss you…).  Yet, I lack a major following at this junction in my young blogger career.

Yet, I press on in the hopes that one day I’ll be famous and my narcissistic dreams can become true!  It really isn’t narcissism if your only joy is to spread your own special brand of sarcasm, is it?

How to help your fellow coworkers with sarcasm!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

One thing I really find annoying (well, there are quite a few things I personally find annoying) is the fact that people who don’t quite appreciate sarcasm and it’s helpful, constructive, team building uses.  If you think about it, sarcasm is quite useful in a number of business situations.  It helps to keep that crazy new fad business ideas in check.  If a co-worker has a stupid idea, isn’t it better to let them know now that is a seriously stupid idea with a little well placed sarcasm?  What is the alterative?  You could let them take their stupid idea it to your boss and let her deal with it?  But does that really help your coworker out?  Does it help them become a better employee?

Suppose your coworker comes up with an idea that would involve slamming cute little kitty’s paws in the door of a car?  Now, that is a pretty stupid idea, right?

Doesn’t a well structure sarcastic comment such as:

“And my fairy godmother is going to help too!” when your co-worker suggests the slamming of a cute little kitty’s paws in a car’s door idea.  That is really much better than saying:

“Dude, that is a stupid idea.”

Really, the sarcastic comment is clearly a career saver compared to the easy, put down comment.  You are doing your co-worker a favor by being sarcastic.  Your co-worker would certainly appreciate and admire your ability to point out the flaws in his idea in a humorous manner.  If you weren’t sarcastic, you would simply default to the mean “stupid” comment.  That does nothing to help your co-worker understand that their idea is utterly brain-dead.  Plus this gives them an excuse to backslide and evaluate what they thought originally was a good idea but clearly it isn’t.  You have given them the time to improve their idea and come up with ways to make it better.  You have saved them embarrassment of taking that unimproved idea to their boss before it’s time.  You have made the idea and the employee better off in the long run. 

See how sarcasm is a good thing?

So go out there and keep up the good work my fellow sarcastic helpers!

Blogging and the “un”natural feel of it

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Recently, I was listening to the radio in my truck and the DJ had a caller/listener tell her that he reads her blog all the time.  Of course, I was jealous because I don’t have anyone call me up (or write to me for that matter) telling me that they read my blog everyday, seven days a week.  Admittedly, I don’t post as regularly as I should if I wanted to create a devoted following besides Cyndi and my therapist.  My therapist keeps telling me I need to “work” on expressing myself.  I keep telling her to stuff it and mind her own business.

However, my therapist is merely doing her job and I respect that.  She gets to listen to all this great wonderful stories from an assortment of characters.  I only get to use my mind to create these same scenarios and settings that have no bearing on my real life.  Then again, who would really want to change lives with the next average person they meet?  We all have our little quirks, problems, and hang ups.  Would we really want to exchange our lives for a stranger’s presumed “better” life?  How do you know that person is in a better situation that you are in?  Is there life that much better than yours?  Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence?  Perhaps it is greener because their lives is full of crap (which makes excellent fertilizater by the way).  Maybe they have to put up with the nagging wife, bratty kids, or insensitive selfish husband and they really just want to put a gun up to their head and end it all.

Now, if you didn’t know me as a sarcastic person, you might think I just endorsed suicide.  I don’t endorse it at all and don’t believe in it.

Clearly, things could be worse and you might think of that when you are thinking about how handsome I am and how extremely lucky I am.  I know, you can probably just barely contain your excitement each time one of my new blogs come up or a new story of KOTS appears.  Just remember that I am a tortured soul who’s only release is to write and blog…

Thanksgiving and KOTS

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Thanksgiving is over and it was a huge success. My hat is off to my darling wife (and I’m not being sarcastic either) because she, our family friend Lynn, and Lynn’s son Matthew did a fantastic job wih dinner. This was our first year where we cooked the turkey with an electric deep fryer. It turned out excellent. One of the downsides of this Thanksgiving was the lack of KOTS being with us. He couldn’t make the time to come to Anderson Island and enjoy the turkey dinner. This isn’t the first time KOTS has skipped Thanksgiving dinner with us. This deeply saddens his mother and is most annoying to me. Hopefully, he decided to make the right choice and spend time with his dad instead of just blowing off with his girlfriend.

We don’t mind him spending time with his girlfriend. We’d like her to come over for dinner (we haven’t seen her since August). We actually like KOTS’ girlfriend quite a bit. What she sees in KOTS, I really don’t know but that is for another blog entry down the road.

Another reason it was important for KOTS to come was the fact, he had moved out of our house! Yes, KOTS’ pushed his mom a little too far in his lack of motivation and was asked to leave. I didn’t ask him to leave, his mother did.

While cleaning out his room, I removed seven bags of garbage and trash. I discovered a lot of almost brand new clothes that appeared to have been worn once. I wash them and bundled them up but KOTS has picked them up yet. We also had the carpets cleaned but the stains weren’t able to be extracted from the carpet. Sad, that a carpet has been ruined (no other carpet in the house is ruined..hmmm…now how could that be?).

With KOTS out of the house, he had to actually look for a job! Luckily for him, his Dad’s girlfriend’s son got him a job at the construction company he works at. KOTS mom and dad are also helping him get an apartment so he’ll have a place to live (besides here). I’m looking forward to seeing the “before” picture of this aprtment and an “after” picture. Legal note: We are not co-signing the apartment lease if you are wondering. I mean, look at my carpet? Does it look like I’m stupid? Hmm, don’t asnwer that one.

So in the last few weeks, KOTS has been forced to grow up and act like an adult instead of the thirteen year old he’d still like to be.

Now we see KOTS a lot more than we use to. He likes to vist our home for the food but at least his mom gets a chance to see him more often than she did before. He also likes to enable him with gifts of food so he has a vested interest in coming over to the house. I suspect we’ll see KOTS quite a bit more once he gets his apartment and needs to have it filled with toilettes, food, milk, etc.

Thanksgiving and KOTS

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Thanksgiving is over and it was a huge success. My hat is off to my darling wife (and I’m not being sarcastic either) because she, our family friend Lynn, and her son Matthew. This was our first year where we cooked the turkey with an electric deep fryer. It turned out excellent. One of the downsides of this Thanksgiving was the lack of KOTS being with us. He couldn’t make the time to come to Anderson Island and enjoy the turkey dinner. This isn’t the first time KOTS has skipped Thanksgiving dinner with us. This deeply saddens his mother and is most annoying to me. Hopefully, he decided to make the right choice and spend time with his dad instead of just blowing off with his girlfriend.

We don’t mind him spending time with his girlfriend. We’d like her to come over for dinner (we haven’t seen her since August). We actually like KOTS’ girlfriend quite a bit. What she sees in KOTS, I really don’t know but that is for another blog entry down the road.

Another reason it was important for KOTS to come was the fact, he had moved out of our house! Yes, KOTS’ pushed his mom a little too far in his lack of motivation and was asked to leave. I didn’t ask him to leave, his mother did.

While cleaning out his room, I removed seven bags of garbage and trash. I discovered a lot of almost brand new clothes that appeared to have been worn once. I wash them and bundled them up but KOTS has picked them up yet. We also had the carpets cleaned but the stains weren’t able to be extracted from the carpet. Sad, that a carpet has been ruined (no other carpet in the house is ruined..hmmm…now how could that be?).

With KOTS out of the house, he had to actually look for a job! Luckily for him, his Dad’s girlfriend’s son got him a job at the construction company he works at. KOTS mom and dad are also helping him get an apartment so he’ll have a place to live (besides here). I’m looking forward to seeing the “before” picture of this aprtment and an “after” picture. Legal note: We are not co-signing the apartment lease if you are wondering. I mean, look at my carpet? Does it look like I’m stupid? Hmm, don’t asnwer that one.

So in the last few weeks, KOTS has been forced to grow up and act like an adult instead of the thirteen year old he’d still like to be.

School Conferences

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Ah, school conference half days are here and the kids are getting dismissed from school a whole three hours earlier than normal.  Yippee!  I get a whole three extra hours of fighting and disagreement among my loving children.  You don’t really know the joy of parenting until you heard the click of the car door shutting and the immediate start-up of the bickering and fighting.  The whining…let’s not forget the whining.  Music to a deaf man’s ears!

Now my darling wife insists that I am being punished for all my misdeeds and minor disagreements I had with my sister and brother over the years.  At least I didn’t sit on little brother and try to squeeze the last breath out of him, almost ending his life but I digress to a simpler time.  A simpler time of attempts to kill your sister with a well placed shove or a minor psychological torture of your brother warmed your heart.  Wasn’t it fun to tell your younger siblings that they were adopted?  The look of panic in their face as they realize they might be returned to the orphanage at anytime.

Hmm, such fond memories come flooding back whenever I hear the fighting in the backseat (remember young folk can’t sit in the front because of air bags.  Some might say I’m a bit of an airbag but let’s get back to the topic on hand).

Whoa, not another whining blog about my whining kids or my whining about them or me being a whiner…let’s stay positive..it’s an upbeat blog, right?

Now Cyndi (my former imaginary stalker but now appears to be real stalker) would probably agree that kids are the best part of parenthood.  Well, unless your son grows up to be a loser, can’t hold down a job, doesn’t know how to flush a toilet or use a toothbrush, and lives in an alterative reality where lying is an acceptable form of communication.

Parenthood, the breakfast of the narcissistic man!

 

Cyndi – my stalker lives (and I’m so excited!!)

~ K ~ Leave a comment

It’s update time for our favorite stalker Cyndi.  Rather it is update time about our favorite stalker Cyndi; whom we all thought was imaginary but has emailed me just yesterday.  Yes, Cyndi was kind enough to inform me that she is actually real.

Now, this no doubt is a huge ego booster for someone like himself who can his count readership on one hand.  Of course, how do we know for sure that I didn’t invent the supposed email/comment posting we see on my blog?  Or I’m just bringing Cyndi into “reality” myself to boost my meager readership?  Is it just a cheap trick?

Would I be that creative to inject Cyndi into the realm of reality? Or perhaps someone from Indiana University is more creative than I (which honestly is not hard to do) and helped to create the wonderful stalker that is Cyndi.

I just can’t wait to hear more from Cyndi so that we all can enjoy and share in my writing and her witty comments.  It is just more enjoyable for myself and my two readers to read my blog posts with the knowledge that Cyndi my stalker is reading it as well.  Just think, a whole new world awaits us with a special stalker/stalking relationship that will influence my writing from now on.

So sit back dear readers, read my blog (which is fantastic..am I right?  I know I’m right…just say I’m right) and enjoy my witty and thoughtful commentary on life.

Why spend time with the family?  Take a lesson from Cyndi and start stalking me!