Category: Life Advice

Oh, it’s Yard Sale Season? The Best 7 Worthless Advice Tips to make it a HUGE success!

~ K ~ 3 Comments

It’s summer here and that means there are a fair amount of yard sales in my local community.  It’s like a gold rush of junk and the everyone wants to sell their treasures!  I enjoy a good garage sale like the next guy (if that guy happens to be a hoarder).  You can find some good tools, cheap books, dangerous toys, out of style clothes, and dead Nana’s ashes.

Perhaps you want to sell your Treasures?   Follow my Tips for Huge Garage Sales!

  1. Get Rid of Your Spouse and Children – You don’t want your sentimental, sappy husband or your whining kids mucking up the sales process with their cries of “But that was my favorite bike” or “I still need that hammer to fix the gate” or “I need that heart medication to survive.”
  2. Sell High Quality Items –  Sure, that is pretty easy right?  You know what sells?  Your neighbor’s stuff.  Like their brand new lawn furniture or their ECHO weed wacker.  Or that bratty kid’s bike down the street.  Just slip them into our inventory, price them dirt cheap (like your wife’s perfume), and watch the money roll in.
  3. Advertise Your Yard Sale –  Make sure to make a big sign and hot glue it to the neighbor’s car down on the corner.  Hey, if he is stupid enough to park image2his car on the public street, then it can become a good spot for a nice sign to direct traffic to your awesome garage sale.
  4. Put on Some Music – Have your nephew and his gangsta rap music group have a concert outside.  Nothing like a bunch of swear words to get those Buyers itching to buy!
  5. Selling on a Hot Day?  Some would suggest selling lemonade…I would add Vodka and get the sales party started.  Everyone knows that liquor helps to loosen up those tight purse strings.  And what could go wrong with vodka infused lemonade at 9:32 am?
  6. Need something for the Husbands to do?  Husbands get bored at garage sales.  To combat this, start a craps game in the backyard.  Everyone loves craps!  Remember the longer they are playing, the longer their wives are at the garage sale buying your stuff!
  7. All Sales Final – Don’t forget to remind your customers that all sales are final.  They are stuck with your treasures now!

After those final customers sober up, you can get rid of the reminder items on Craig’s List for FREE!

Do you have some awesome tips or a story to share?  Leave them in the comments below!

 

 

 

 

Meet my friend Craig’s List

~ K ~ 5 Comments

Since it is summer time, we have a few chores around my house that we need to finish up.  One is clearing out the “treasures” (worthless crap) we have accumulated over the years but have no good use for anymore.  Granted, at one time I thought I did need a huge pink “Hello Kitty” desk for my office to be a successful blogger, but now I know I don’t (mainly because I’m not a successful blogger).  Besides, my imaginary stalker Cyndi said she would gladly take it off my hands anytime I needed her to.

Unlike my worthless advice I offer to you my dear readers, some of these items are good, usable items.  And you know I really hate making the trip to the local garbage dump when I know a lot of my treasures could have a second life with someone else.  That’s when I turn to my friend Craig’s List.

Sure, some people are scared of Craig’s List (because who isn’t scared of meeting a stranger in a back alley for new flat screen TV?) but when you want to avoid making a trip to the garbage dump, Craig’s List can be your best friend.  Now that I don’t have a truck, it is hard for me to take large items to the garbage dump, donation center, or the recycling center.  Instead of me asking my friend to borrow his truck, I throw everything up on Craig’s List for free.

Today, I got rid of some really cool solar water heater panels.  They aren’t as bad as having a broken down wash machine in your front hard, but solar panels were nice but a wind storm had knocked them over and the glass was destroyed.  I had a few problems setting up the solar water heater system last year, then replacing the glass seemed expensive (4 ft x 8 ft sheets), and they didn’t fit into my “White Trash Theme” I have going on in the backyard, so I decided to get rid of them.  Now, I’m sure I could have sold them on Craig’s List but sometimes that is more of a hassle that the money I’d make out of the project.

This morning I posted the ad and within 30 minutes, two guys came and picked them up. As a bonus, they also picked up all my other free junk out in the driveway.  It was awesome.  I just saved myself about $50 in dump fees and a trip to the Bow Lake Transfer Station.

If you are worried about people coming to your house, you can also put your treasures on the corner of your neighborhood with a “free” sign on it.  I have a neighbor who is gone 11 months of the year so we usually put all the items in front of his house.  Plus, I have an awesome view of watching people gathering up my “treasures”.

That’s your worthless advice tip of the day!  Keep on getting rid of those treasures!

Summer Camp for Adults? Cash on In!

~ K ~ 4 Comments

FullSizeRenderSummer is here and a few years back I read about Adult Summer Camps.  I didn’t pay much attention to the Adult Summer Camp craze because I was too busy being, you know, a parent.  Besides, I’ve done my fair share of camping, backpacking, and attending summer camps as a young Boy Scout and also as a Boy Scout troop leader.  Oh, and don’t forget my trips to various Girl Scout camps with my daughter as well.  So you can imagine, I’m not too interested in sleeping a musty old cabin eating bad food at the dining hall as an adult because we now have an Adult Summer Camp opportunities abound.

So, you see, the idea of Adult Summer Camp doesn’t really appeal to me.  However, I can see that it is a great idea because it already exists and someone is making some money.  However, I believed these “summer camps” are called business conventionsand trade shows and held in places like hotels.  Usually  you have to attend because your job requires you to.  Or you could go for pleasure and attend something like Comicon.  You know, a place where you can dress up in a costume just like you do on Halloween.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is a hobby and hobbies are something you enjoy doing and I strongly encourage you to attend a convention if you want to.  I just don’t understand why someone wants to head out to the woods and go back to summer camp.  I’d much rather head to a hotel and enjoy the pool and spa services.

Of course, I’m a fool for not cashing in on the Adult Summer Camp craze.  I know a number of experts (aka friends) that could assist me in creating a new summer camp.  If someone wants to pay me to attend a summer camp, who am I to stop them?

What courses would I offer?  The list is endless!

  • Lawn Mowing and Lawn Care
  • Complaining & Whining
  • Photography
  • House Painting
  • Blogging
  • Cheap Vacations
  • Car Maintenance
  • How to Fail
  • Drone Flying (and Crashing!)
  • Home Beer Brewing (and its sister course Beer Drinking)
  • How to Be Depressed in Your Life without Mental Illness
  • Boating and Floating
  • Camping Basics
  • Candle Making
  • Wine Drinking
  • Scotch and Whisky Drinking

Pretty much whatever you can imagine, we could offer it as a course.  I could rent some old summer camp, set up some old army tents, get some retired school cook for my mess hall, and we would have our summer camp up and running in no time.  Daily Field trips to the local pub for inspiration would be a must.  Hands on experience (like painting my house) with a touch of reality (see my highly regarded course “How to Fail”).

I know you are dying to sign up.  For only $1499 per week, this summer camp experience can be yours.  You can send me cash anytime.  I promise to save your spot for you.

Have a great idea for a course?  Want to be a part of a winning team (or you need a job for the summer)?  Let me know!  Frankly, I need all the help I can get.

 

 

 

 

Sorry Sir, your T-Shirt isn’t going to survive.

~ K ~ 5 Comments

As summer approaches, it is time we assess our T-Shirt collection and we bid farewell to some of our old T-shirt friends.

For women, this would seem like a normal course of action.  That t-shirt was so last week; time to get rid of it..  However, to a man, this is akin to losing a good friend to a random softball accident while playing the nuns of Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow and Misery on a hot Saturday afternoon.  You never think it will happen but when it does: you must say good-bye to a dear friend rather quickly.

You have to understand the simple fact that men love their t-shirts.  They remind us that life can be casual and care-free.  You know, like the time before we had a life full of responsibilities, work headaches, kids, and the crazy neighbors.  A time when you could know that whatever day it was, a t-shirt would be the appropriate shirt to wear for that occasion.  A kid’s birthday party?  T-shirt time! Going out to a club tonight?  T-shirt time!  Attending a funeral for your girlfriend’s great aunt? It’s black T-shirt time!  Hanging out with your friends at the court-house?  It’s T-shirt time!

I recently pulled out a shirt from the dryer only to discover it had holes in the back of it.  Not the arm pits or the front of the shirt, it was the back of the shirt.  It was a sad day.  That t-shirt has traveled many miles….it has been a good friend.  Whether I worn it to bed or out to the local grocery store; it was comfortable friend who was always there for me.  Sadly, no amount of duct tape will spare it from becoming a garage rag.

Here’s to you old faithful friend…I bid you a fond farewell.  May your life as a cleaning rag serve be just as fun as the time we ran our mountain bike up a tree while texting and drinking a Slurpee.  We both know it won’t be fun but we are going to pretend it will be.

Good Bye T-shirt…..

 

Dear Graduates: Welcome to the Real World (oh, by the way…it sucks!)

~ K ~ 3 Comments

Dear Graduate,

Congratulations on making it through four years of a bad dream called high school. You’ll be glad to know that your life is now beginning a new chapter. It is totally easy from here on out.  It is a world full of responsibilities, disappointments, happiness, failures, success, and misery that await you.  Sound fun, doesn’t it?

I could tell you to follow your heart but if you are anything like me, that would mean you want to hang out with your cat Mr. Whiskers, drinking scotch, while reading a nice novel. Yup, that’s my dream and if I followed it I would probably be living in a tent under the freeway overpass.  But at least I will be following my dream and living the life I was meant to live, right?

Instead you need to think about a few things. (And you thought you were done with thinking…)

Now, you might be on the path to college or you might be headed to a fulfilling career at a fast food restaurant. Whatever path you chose, make sure you are good at what you do. Enjoy it, and do it to the best of your ability so that you do a fantastic job. I’m not saying you should love your job, but you should be good at it. No one likes a half ass employee working for them or a college student in their class that doesn’t care about the course.  Enjoy the work so it doesn’t seem like work.  No one likes the slacker.

Keep in mind, it isn’t entirely possible to follow your heart and chase your dreams.  If you could follow your heart and have some crazy dream of doing nothing (like I do), you wouldn’t get very far.  You have to get out there and make your mark. You have to live life so you can see how futile and depressing it can be. See? Living in your parents’ basement, playing “Call of Duty” on your  xBox isn’t such a bad idea now, is it?

Think of the future: yeah, because it is now.  I would suggest you have your midlife crisis before the age of 30. You don’t want to be do it when you are in your mid to late forties. Rediscovering yourself at that age is sure fire way to end up broken-hearted, downtrodden, and despressed…you know, just like me.

Don’t worry; life won’t go according to your plan. Have a good moral value system and that will be your guide. Life’s path isn’t a straight line; it has ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and challenges to overcome.  Follow the compass and read the map.

I’m hoping you learned something from a bitter old man by reading this. Worthless advice doesn’t write itself, follow that dream and remember “Would you like fries with that?”  

Whoa! Dropping some Acid in the Garden

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Don’t worry; this isn’t a journey into the mind of a drug user or a bad acid trip.   

 It’s about killing those pesky weeds in your garden, flower beds, and yard by using our household pal Vinegar.  Tired of spending your hard earned dollars on expensive, commercial chemical weed killers?  Try using vinegar to kill those unwanted weeds.

Why vinegar?  Vinegar is a natural weed killer you can use in your yard without worrying about killing off your pets or kids.  It is inexpensive, non-toxic, fast acting, and doesn’t cause long term damage to the soil.  It works best on warm, dry days. I know finding those days here in the Seattle area might be tough, but when they do come, whip out that spray bottle of vinegar and kill those weeds!
I have my own special receipe that I use to make a custom weed killer.

-Quart of vinegar

-1/4 cup of salt

-1/4 tablespoon of table salt

I usually mix this up in a quart spray bottle I purchased from the local grocery store. Shake it a few times and now you are ready to kill the weeds.

Keep in mind, that this natural weed killer is non-selective.  It will also kill your grass, flowers, and other plants you love. Be careful when you are spraying.

Some weeds, I will cut down and then spray the remaining stump of the weed with my natural weed killer.  This is very effective for dandilions. 

It is easy, cheap, and non toxic. Good luck and enjoy!

Whoa! Dropping some Acid in the Garden

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Don’t worry; this isn’t a journey into the mind of a drug user or a bad acid trip.   

 It’s about killing those pesky weeds in your garden, flower beds, and yard by using our household pal Vinegar.  Tired of spending your hard earned dollars on expensive, commercial chemical weed killers?  Try using vinegar to kill those unwanted weeds.

Why vinegar?  Vinegar is a natural weed killer you can use in your yard without worrying about killing off your pets or kids.  It is inexpensive, non-toxic, fast acting, and doesn’t cause long term damage to the soil.  It works best on warm, dry days. I know finding those days here in the Seattle area might be tough, but when they do come, whip out that spray bottle of vinegar and kill those weeds!
I have my own special receipe that I use to make a custom weed killer.

-Quart of vinegar

-1/4 cup of salt

-1/4 tablespoon of table salt

I usually mix this up in a quart spray bottle I purchased from the local grocery store. Shake it a few times and now you are ready to kill the weeds.

Keep in mind, that this natural weed killer will also kill your grass, flowers, and other plants you love. Be careful when you are spraying.

It is easy, cheap, and non toxic. Good luck and enjoy!

I put Cocaine on my Roof….

~ K ~ 7 Comments

I live in the Pacific Northwest (Seattle area) and it is damp and rainy here about 97% of the time.  Perhaps, that is not entirely true but we have 226 cloudy days (4th most in the United States) and another 81 partly cloudy days.  Now, I’m not a math genius but that’s a lot in anyone’s book.

So we have a moss problem on our roofs.  I mentioned to my friend that the moss build up on my roof looked awful and I need to go buy some moss killer at the local hardware store.  He suggested to me, use baking soda.  It’s natural and you just put it on the top ridgeline of the roof when the roof is dry.  The rain comes and gently washes it down your roof and kills the moss.  The moss dies, and you can sweep off the dead moss or use your leaf blower to blow it into your neighbor’s yard.

image1 (2)
Who wants to cook their minds?

At Costco, I purchased a huge bag (13.5 pound bag) of Arm and Hammer baking soda for about $7.  I have a fairly large roof so I dumped about ¾ of the bag on it.  I went along the top of the roof ridge with a line on each side of the tip so the baking soda would be washed down both sides of the roof.  My son mentioned it looked like lines of cocaine on my roof.  Thanks son!  My daughter commented it looked ghetto (sweet!  I love to be “that” house in the neighborhood).  I’m always striving to be that house that stands out amongst its neighbors!

The end result:  Moss is dead and I’ve swept most of it off.  The white lines are disappearing and can be easily washed off or swept away if they don’t disappear on their own.

image2
Die moss….die.

Regrets, Regrets, Regrets

~ K ~ 5 Comments

 

is (1)
How did I not see that big yellow bus full of nuns?

We all have regrets.  We regret eating that extra piece of pizza last night.  We regret buying the neon yellow polo shirt in 9th grade.  We regret running that yellow light and hitting that school bus full of nuns while eating a burrito from Taco Bell.  We regret sleeping in on Saturday.  We regret our career choices.  Regrets are all around us.

Do you have regrets?  Most people with a conscience have something they regret.  Whether is about their life choices or the day old sushi they ate, regrets are all around us.

However, you need to let go of your regrets.  You can’t predict the future.  So if you knew now that making a certain choice in the past would turn into a regret later on, you wouldn’t have made that choice.  Fairly simple, right?  You didn’t know it would be a regret so why beat yourself up about it?  Let that regret go.  Acknowledge it, learn from it, move on, and let it go.

Why are regrets important?  Regrets help to improve your critical thinking and your decision-making abilities.  Your experience, whether it is good or bad, helps to lead you on a path of self discovery and awareness.  (Man, that does sound like I know about regrets).

6 Tips to Make Your Life Regrets Disappear!

  1. Don’t think about them.  Why does everyone dwell on the past?  You made a mistake, you learned from it, now get over it.  Let that crap go.  Unless you’re my wife, then you hold onto it forever and remind me about it all the time.  That’s called “Life Coaching” your spouse.
  2. Don’t settle.  Stop your whining.  If you want that mega yacht, then figure out a way to be a huge success and buy it. (Hint: Don’t have a Worthless Advice Blog; it doesn’t pay anything).  I don’t have a clue on how to buy or steal a mega yacht so you are plum out of luck with me helping you.
  3. Use Positive Affirmations.  Because using negative ones won’t be getting you into Camp Happy Thoughts.  And at Camp Happy Thoughts you can put a positive spin on anything!  You wasted five minutes reading my blog but it was for research purposes so it was really an adventure into educating yourself.  See?  You are a winner already!
  4. Set Deadlines and Goals in the Future.  Isn’t that a stupid statement?  When else would your deadlines and goals be?  In the past?  I like to set unrealistic goals like “I’ll move to the country and retire in five years.”  Notice I didn’t say in 2021 that I was moving or retiring.  If I give a solid year date, then I might actually have to do it. This way I am planning but not really planning.  I won’t be disappointed when I forget about that goal.
  5. Eat an Elephant.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  Every task starts with a first step just like that journey out to your car when you need to get to work.  How do you take on those huge, insurmountable tasks?  I don’t know about you, but I set up a deadline that I’ll ignore (see #4).  Then I tackle that task one step at a time because that sounds like I’m doing something smart.
  6. Find a Mentor.  Or in your case, the drunk at the end of the bar will do.  Mentors are great, if you can find one.  I had mentors and they helped me become the successful advice blogger I am today.  Successful…ha ha…sure…really successful with imaginary stalker Cyndi as my only true follower.  Find someone that is mildly more successful than you is easy.  In fact, they only need to appear to be successful.  You can listen to them, feel awesome that they are sharing their nuggets of wisdom with YOU, and become the awesome individual you were destined to be.

Make your regrets disappear.  Get over them.  Forget them.  And enjoy your life!

is
Probably should have watched where we were going….