Tag: Humor

Oops…how lame am I?

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Ok, this is how lame my life has become.  I recently received a warning email from the library system telling me that my books I had checked out were due back  in a few days.  I didn’t remember checking anything out but quickly scanned through the list.  Oh, I then remembered, that yes, I indeed had checked out some books and some audio books from the library.

I certainly thought I’d have some time in the evening to read them.  I was going to read them to improve my life and enhance my knowledge.  I know I’m busy but I was sure I could fit them into my schedule right after I cleaned my office, did some retouching, wrote a few blogs for the new year.

Sadly, the one book I thought I should read and I didn’t crack open until two days ago was: “The Procrastinator’s Guide to Getting Things Done” by Monica Ramirez Basco.

I seriously thought I’d get to that one.

Ten Great Reasons why I hate Frosty the Snowman

~ K ~ 12 Comments

Ten Great Reasons why I hate Frosty the Snowman!

It is the Christmas season and the wonderful time of holiday TV specials has begun.  I like most of the Christmas TV specials like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the Grinch who stole Christmas, etc.  However, the one Christmas Special I can’t stand is Frosty the Snowman.

  1. Really what is Frosty the Snowman?  He is a bad LSD trip of some whacked out meth head.  The only redeeming quality of Frosty the Snowman is Andy Griffith is the narrator of the cartoon.  The rest of it I hate.
  1. Frosty always says “Happy Birthday”.  Really?  What is he a homeless bum who thinks every day is his birthday?  Is he too drunk to remember it isn’t everyone’s birthday?  Does he need a reason to drink?  “Oh, it’s someone’s birthday!  Let’s go out to Appplebee’s and get wasted!”  That one saying drives me nuts.  “Happy Birthday?”  It’s winter and almost Christmas, I’m not thinking of your birthday, I’m thinking about Christmas presents, Christmas cookies, and egg nog.
  1. He is a cry baby whiner.  There is a scene where he is all sad that the kids are leaving to go back home.  Oh, poor homeless snowman.  Jeez, stop your whining.  Man up, build a snow house and make a snow dog to keep you company.
  1. He sleds by just getting on his belly and sliding down a hill.  Seriously, we all know that Frosty would be jumping on his belly, knocking the wind of his snowman lungs, and cursing up a storm for being so stupid.  He would be doing a belly flop into three inches of snow.  Don’t you think that would hurt?  Darn right it would.
  1. And really, Frosty wouldn’t be sliding down the hill.  Instead, a big pile of snow would build up right in front of Frosty and he would stop in three feet.  Frosty isn’t going anyway fast.
  1. Frosty is just a homeless bum.  After the kids go home to their families or single mothers.  He just wanders around after dark without a purpose…just like the guy who lives under the overpass.
  1. And do I darn mention the sequel “Frosty Returns”.  Do we really need more of Frosty’s inane drunk babblings of “Happy Birthday”?
  1. Frosty promotes smoking.  In this day and age of Political Correctness, why hasn’t someone digitally erased his corncob pipe?  Seriously, if they can change E.T., then they can change Frosty.  It’s a cartoon!  It can’t be that hard.
  1. Frosty likes little kids….too much.  He hangs around kids all day long in a nice pedophile way.  Creepy just like Michael Jackson and his “Jesus Juice”.  Next thing we know Frosty will want to invite the boys and girls over for a nice sleepover in his snow bed.  Just plain creepy.
  1. And in the song, doesn’t Frosty die?  Sure, he melts away and in a Star Trek world he comes back.  But in the lame TV holiday special he makes it to the North Pole with Santa and lives on?  This is all after he puts Karen into life threatening situations (like the refrigerator train car).  Karen takes a long trip ride in a freezing cold refrigerator car were most people would be a Popsicle at the end of the trip.  Hell, why can’t Karen be a normal kid that just sticks Frosty on the train, sends him on his merry way, and forgets about him in 10 minutes?

Frosty the Snowman sucks.  This is one holiday special I wish was lost forever in the depths of CBS television studios.

 

 

Sticks of Stupidity

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Sticks of Stupidity

We recently returned from a week long summer camp with our Boy Scout Troop where I learned about the Stick of Stupidity. I went along with three other Scoutmasters to oversee our group of twenty-two scouts ranging in ages of 11 to about 16. Some of these scouts have been to summer camp 3 to 5 times, others are on their second tour, and a few are attending their first summer camp.

Some are homesick; others are having the time of their lives without a mother or father looking over their shoulder. With a fistful of dollars and a trading post willing to help part a scout from his parents’ money; some scouts have a wonderful experience at summer camp.

One thing in common all scouts (regardless of their age) have is the strong need and desire to sharpen a stick to a very sharp point and carelessly carry it around. These sticks come in various sizes ranging from the “Toothpick of Stupidity” to the “Log of Stupidity,”

To help you understand, I have created a few definitions to better illustrate brilliance in the making.

Toothpick of Stupidity: A stick slightly larger than a pencil in width and roughly 4-13 inches long, it is sharpen to a fine point, and then carried in the mouth. One might mistaken this as a useful instrument such as a spoon or fork when it is protruding from the Boy Scout’s mouth, yet upon closer inspection, it is indeed a sharpen stick being carried in the mouth. This is usually carried in the mouth to keep the hands free to slap another scout, pick up a rock, or find yet another stick.

Stick of Stupidity: This stick ranges in size from 13 inches to 34 inches. It is really useless for any given purpose because of its short size yet it remains the most popular of all Sticks of Stupidity. By far, it is the most common for a number of idiotic reasons: easy to find, can be sharpened quickly, is easy to replace with another scout’s stick in a pinch. Since many Sticks of Stupidity look exacting alike, they are a major reason for accusations of theft between scouts. Scouts forget that there are another 300,000 sticks all the same in the woods around them.

Sword of Stupidity: The sword is closely related in size to the Stick of Stupidity but as been made into the shape of a sword. The most common look is the Samurai swords of feudal Japan. The “blade” is careful craved out of the stick to resemble the shape of a samurai sword. The handle might be crave with a crisscross pattern or wrapped with twine. The Sword of Stupidity is made at the expense of one’s own personal hygiene (showers? I’m too busy making a sword!).

Walking Stick of Stupidity: While a walking stick is helpful to many people, the Walking Stick of Stupidity is not. A long stick, one would think a walking stick would be a wonderful thing to help on a hike for balance, extra support, etc. These are all great points except that this walking stick is sharpen to a fine point. With this fine point, it is jabbed into logs, dirt, in between rocks, a fellow scout’s legs, and gets stuck quite often. The owner often stops to sharpen the point, thus slowly down the whole hiking party making a five minute hike into a 55 minute ordeal.

Staff of Stupidity: The Staff of Stupidity and the Walking Stick of Stupidity are often mistaken for each other due to their same length. Yet, the Staff of Stupidity is really too thick and heavy to be an easy to use item. The owner can barely get his hand around it but will insist that they can. The Staff of Stupidity is dropped on a regular basis because of the poor grip the owner has. Sharpening the Staff is very hard and is more of a rounded point than any other stick in the Sticks of Stupidity family.

Log of Stupidity: While most logs can be used as a bench, a bridge, or support beam, the Log of Stupidity gets its name most from the use of it as a play toy, not as a useful device. It is any unstable log that rolls back and forth and you can stand on. The user of the Log of Stupidity should stand on the log with untied shoes (or hiking boots), hands deep in one’s pocket, and rock back and forth in a matter that will make the log move. You are usually done with the Log of Stupidity will you fall flat on your face and almost knocking out all of your front teeth.

I hope these definitions are helpful in identifying the various Sticks of Stupidity when you see your scout with them. Please keep in mind that all Sticks of Stupidity are called out by the Scoutmaster and the scout is told to take the stick out of his mouth or thrown into the bushes or told to get off of it. While we are tempted to see the concept of Darwin’s survival of the fittest in actions; all Sticks of Stupidity have a short life span. I have personally sent many to the campfire for their conversion to ashes. Yet, they seem to come back again regardless of how many times Scoutmaster, parents, and other concerned adults tell them to get rid of them.

As Yoda would say “Made by Boy Scouts, Sticks of Stupidity are.”

As always your comments are always welcome!

FUIing – Facebooking Under the Influence

~ K ~ 2 Comments

FUIing – Facebooking Under the Influence

I’d like to thank my friend Kelly to introducing me to the term “FUIing” and warning me about the dangers of such behavior. I have decided not to be on Facebook while I have a few drinks in me. I have made some hilarious comments after I have had a few drinks….which turn out not to be so hilarious (or the people I wrote to didn’t have a sense of humor).

While many people think they are funny while drinking, we can all agree that they aren’t. Sure, they might do a few funny things or whip off a funny comment here or there but the reality is, they aren’t that funny. They are even worse when they are sober. Or perhaps when you are sober, you realize how stupid drunk people are.

Hold on now…this isn’t an AA commercial, but you should be aware that most likely, you aren’t as funny as you think. Which brings us back to FUIing.

Now, regardless of what you think, FUIing is not acceptable. We all know that it is extremely funny to leave your witty comments on your friend’s wall but nothing good comes of it. Especially when your lame friend doesn’t have a sense of humor. Seriously, why bother having a Facebook page if you aren’t prepared to have your chops busted by your friends? It really is your friend’s fault for not having a good sense of humor and understanding how funny you are.

FUIing can also lead to BUIing (Blogging Under the Influence) and you know that will certainly lead to nothing but trouble.

So, we have established that FUIing and BUIing can be bad things. We shouldn’t post things while we have been drinking because it can lead to misunderstandings and hard feelings. We should understand that our sense of humor might not translate into something funny online. Or your friends might not be as open minded or have a great sense of humor you thought they did.

Be careful out there while you reading about your friend’s awesome lives on Facebook while you wallow in depression over how sad your life really has become. The truth is that your life isn’t that sad. You are just being fooled by the numerous posts of all the good things people have to say. Most people don’t report how they had a bad class of diarrhea from the new restaurant down the street, or how their son is a loser drug user, or how they crashed their car while texting and checking their email.

Thanks for reading my all important blog and my need to be noticed and important in my own mind.

Brownie Troop Update: May

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Brownie Update: End of the Year!

Our Brownie Meetings for the year are winding down to a close with only one more meeting in June coming up. After my continued behavior at the Brownie Meetings, my daughter’s “wild behavior” hasn’t been an issue. Hmmm. I’ve been helping out the current leaders as have some other parents. My daughter and I even got to bring the snacks for the last meeting. She asked for nice yummy, sugar filled, high calorie, frosting covered doughnuts. Oh yum!

On the day of the Brownie Meeting, I stopped by Happy Donuts (located here in Kent, WA) for two dozen donuts. I love to support small, locally owned businesses and this one fits the bill. Plus the doughnuts are really good.

I did think about bringing some carrots, apple slices, and nuts for a healthy snack choice. But then I thought, why bother? The kids aren’t going to pick that over donuts so I axed that idea.

During our current Brownie Meetings, snack time is near the beginning of the meeting. In hindsight, donuts probably aren’t the best snack for 8 year old girls before they sit down to do a sock puppet craft project. They were a little squirreling listen to Leader J talk about the Girl Scout history and the sock puppet project. She does do a good job on crafts. I’m not a craft person (unless it involves power tools) and I don’t sing either (unless it is an Irish drinking song) so it is nice to have a leader that likes that stuff.

Do to my friction with the current leader administration, I chatted with my daughter about joining another troop (one of the girls that left has joined a troop and her Dad told me about it) or starting our own troop. We have enough girls to start one and I have the training. I also signed up a few other parents to be registered in a pre-emptive preparedness move in the event that I did want to start another splinter cell Brownie troop.

Of course, she wants me to start a new troop. So I did the unthinkable and started my own troop! I called up the Girl Scout office, chatted with my friend about it and she had seen it coming. We can start anytime she said. We haven’t told the current troop leaders we are leaving…yet. I want my daughter to go to the End of the Year Meeting and enjoy the pizza and finish up the last of the craft projects.

Then we might even have our own Brownie Troop meeting before school gets out. I wouldn’t mind a field trip or two during the summer if time permits.

Looking forward to more Girl Scout adventures with my daughter’s new Brownie troop!

Stupid Like the Rest of America!

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I’m stupid just like the rest of you!

One would assume that since I blog that I am naturally a great and gifted speller. That is far from the truth which also leads into the fact that I’m quite terrible at grammar. I switch from past tense to present tense and really couldn’t tell you which is which. The only reason any of my blogs or writings make sense is due to my love of reading.

I am a good example of learning by example. I like to read and when I do, I actually study how the sentence was structured, how it flows, and why it makes sense. It probably also helps that 80% of the population reads at an 8th grade level so it is quite easy to write at this level. Considering that, I probably don’t write to a higher level because I’m lazy. So in essence, I am lazy and stupid. Man, my college professors at the University of Washington would be so proud of me!

Let’s face it, I’m not very good at writing and I can admit it.

What’s better than cat puke? Spilled Pickle Juice!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

I’m proud to announce that at 10:15 pm, I have finished cleaning out the refrigerator after the “Great Pickle Juice Spill of 2011!” Yes, nothing beats having your son announce that at the bottom of your fridge sits a pool of pickle juice ready to be clean up. Instead of sitting down and enjoying a good book or watching some mindless television (who doesn’t like Jersey Shore??), I spent my evening pulling out the bottom two shelves of the fridge, cleaning them off and then….thinking to myself….

…since I am cleaning the bottom out I should also clean all the other shelves.

Out comes all the milk, cheese, eggs, Uncle Ray’s BBQ sauce, ketchup, mayo, Chinese hot mustard, jelly, beer, spinach, carrots, Jell-O, sour cream, etc. Out come the shelves to be scrubbed off with a beautiful solution of warm bleach water, gently scrubbing off the crumbs, dried out spinach, and other odd spills.

Looking into the empty fridge, one can step back and admire the cleanliness that has claimed its stake in the modern world. Yes, inhale softly the sweet smell of a clean fridge and relax knowing your eggs are once again safe from the foul smell of spilled pickle juice.

Brownie (Girl Scout) Leader Update

~ K ~ 8 Comments

“If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six hours sharpening my ax.” Abraham Lincoln

As you know, I received a nasty letter from my daughter’s Brownie troop leaders and was quite upset with them about the overall tone of the letter. Frankly, the letter read like a police blotter on everything my daughter had done wrong over the past two Brownie troop meetings. Honestly, I don’t think my daughter is really as bad as this letter portrayed her to be. Of course, every parent thinks their child is perfect. I know she isn’t perfect but whose child is? Well, besides the troop leader’s daughter, right?

Since I was quite upset about this letter, I did think it was for the best to meet with the two Brownie troop leaders in person and discuss the letter and my daughter’s behavior. Note: To read the letter and my response that I almost sent, please refer to my pervious blog “Is my child really that bad?” Now, I did hold back on sending that letter because I thought I should meet these two ladies face to face. It was a sharp response letter and I’m not sure if they could have handled it. When I’m upset, I tend to have a critical tongue. One might say it is a bit blunt and to the point.

I did have to send two requests for this meeting. Upon arrival, only one of the leaders was there. We’ll call her “J” and the other one (we’ll call her “T”) was late. J led me to believe with her spoken comments that she thought T might have some reservations meeting with me. Hmmm, already setting the stage for a confrontation with me? Did she think that I was going to off the handle on them?

Before this meeting, I was prepared to pull my daughter from the troop and either look for another troop or start our own troop. However, my daughter did convey to me that she liked her friends in the troop and did want to stay in Girl Scouts. To be honest, I’m not a quitter and either is my family. I might lose a battle here and there, but in the end I will win the war. Overall, I want my daughter to enjoy her experience in Girl Scouts yet I didn’t want her to be afraid of the leader. Girl Scouts is supposed to be fun; not nit picky. I reflected that I have made a commitment to Boys Scouts with my son and therefore, I should make a commitment to my daughter’s Girl Scout experience as well. With this in mind, I filled out my adult leader application, signed the volunteer agreement, and faxed it in on Friday (prior to my Sunday afternoon meeting). I’m proud to say I am now a registered Girl Scout leader!

The conversation drifted around like a life raft in the South Pacific. J likes to talk and express her unique opinion and her parenting views. She was prepared to go on the defensive with a copy of the behavior contract my wife had signed. Her trump card was this behavior contract. Her mistake was the fact she had it in her hands prepared to whip it out if I started to counter that my daughter’s behavior wasn’t all that bad. However, she left it out where I could see it. I knew I should avoid saying anything that she’d be able refer to the contract and argue that we signed a behavior contact.

Besides, as a new Girl Scout leader, I have to work with her over the next several years. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. That is why I always like to compliment my opponents and agree with their position before introducing my position. Since my position is right (and superior), I like to lure my opponents into a false sense of security. I believe that T really didn’t think that the letter wasn’t that bad. Clearly, J had written it and T had just signed her name to it. T didn’t seem too worried about this meeting (contrarily to what J wanted me to believe). We had never had a conflict with T in the past and currently don’t have a problem with her. She is a nice person and honestly wants her daughter to have a great Girl Scout experience.

J on the other hand is another whole other matter. She likes to hide behind the veil of a “detailed” individual. This is her reason and justification of being mean to other people. She thinks that by detailing out all the faults and problems she perceives, it is perfectly alright to point out these out to you because she is “helping” you. Again, everyone has faults and constructive criticism can be a useful tool; when applied correctly.

J does not accept that all people are different. Her world is black and white. She draws her lines in the sand and will not adjust her thinking no matter how wrong she is. It is cemented her brain that her thinking is correct. She can not fathom nor see the other side of an argument. Due to this narrow minded position, she thinks of only one possible outcome: her outcome. This causes conflict with others and leaves her at a serious disadvantage. On the contrast, I can see an argument, a counter argument, and another five possible arguments. She sees her own opinion as the only correct and possible outcome.

This behavior is misguided and convoluted. J is a bully whether she likes it or not. She might believe she is helpful but she isn’t. Her thoughts, words, and actions define her behavior and tell us she is a bully. It is unacceptable behavior and I will not stand idly to the side and let this behavior continued unchecked.

I informed T and J that I thought they were overwhelmed. T agreed with me and J stated that it was hard to get people to volunteer. I agreed with that. I even apologized for not helping out more. I then informed them that I was going to help out more and come to every meeting from now on. T thought this was a wonderful idea and thanked me. J wasn’t as happy and was quick to inform me that I had to be a registered adult leader to be a leader.

Here is what separates the complainers from doers. I wish I could properly express the look on J’s face when I told her I had already faxed in my adult leader application, volunteer agreement, and background check. Her look of “Oh shit…he is coming on board whether I approve or not” was priceless. If you don’t want to get your shoes dirty, then don’t step out in the cow pasture. Don’t send me a letter complaining about my daughter and expect me to roll over and do nothing. That isn’t going to happen.

If there is a problem; I’ll correct it. It is my utmost pleasure to correct the problem and eliminate the friction it is causing.

It was quite delightful to let them know that I had scheduled the following day, my three hour Introduction Course at the Girl Scout office. I believe that J was caught off guard by this. She thought she could stall me out and I’d roll over and go away like other fathers when it comes to their daughters. Really, I’m just father that doesn’t attend any meetings and has no interest in Girl Scouting, right?

Her perception was that I was going to complain that my daughter was being treated unfairly, she shouldn’t be so mean, and I would have my say. She would successfully deflect my complanients when she referred to the behavior contract in her hand. This plan had come screeching to a halt. Instead, I had offered to help. She now found herself in a position of either accepting my help (that she had earlier agreed that she needed) or not accepting it. How could she not accept my help? How could she turn down my years of experience?

In my humble opinion, T and I left the meeting satisfied with the outcome. J had other thoughts about the outcome of the meeting. I didn’t know this until the next day at my Introduction to Girl Scout training at the Girl Scout office.

The following day, training started out quite well with Wendy our local Girl Scout leader. She is very knowledgeable, easy to work with, and overall has a nice personality. She thanked me for volunteering and getting involved in my daughter’s Girl Scout career. I told her that I was an Eagle Scout, I was my son’s Cub Scout den leader for 5 years (with 11 Cub Scouts), and currently a registered assistant scoutmaster with my son’s Boy Scout troop. Furthermore, I know Girl Scouts is not Boy Scouts and I will do everything that the Girl Scouts require of me to be the best leader possible. I have no problem attending classes and camps to make sure I fulfill the needed Girl Scout leader requirements. I will do whatever it takes to be a great Girl Scout leader.

About an hour into our training, Wendys let me know that J had called her about me! She said J had some concerns about me becoming a Girl Scout leader. Can you believe that? The question of why I wanted to be a Girl Scout leader had also been brought up by my wife. My wife asked me why I was becoming a Girl Scout leader. Reflecting on my reasons, I can honestly say that it boils down to this: Scouting is supposed to be fun. Why shouldn’t I give my children equal attention? Whether it is a Boy Scout or Girl Scout activities, I should be there for both of them. As a parent, shouldn’t I protect my children? Isn’t becoming a Girl Scout leader taking that step toward becoming an involved parent? Is being a part of my daughter’s Scouting career a bad thing? With my commitment to Scouting and its values, shouldn’t I pay it forward?

I have gained a great deal over the years from Boy Scouts and I live my life by the Boy Scout Oath and the Boy Scout Law. One of the twelve points of the Boy Scout Law is: A Scout is helpful. I see this as an opportunity to live up to promise I made to myself many years back. A Scout is helpful. My daughter’s Brownie Troop needs help and I’m here to help.

Upon conclusion of my training, I did give Wendy the letter I received from J and T. I told her that this encouraged me to be more active Her impression of J is that J gets bogged down in the details and J forgets that scouting is supposed to be fun. I told her that I had shown the letter to two other Girl Scout troop leaders and they said the same thing: Girl Scouts is supposed to be fun. The letter J wrote didn’t express this. They both said that this leader needs to get a grip when it comes to dealing with 7 and 8 year old girls.

This past week on Wednesday night, I went to the local council’s area meeting. J couldn’t make it because she was feeling “under the weather”. It probably would have burned her up inside if she knew I was there. She didn’t have a chance to tell everyone about me before I made my first Girl Scout leader appearance. As the only male there, I’m sure I’ll be remembered. J will now face an uphill battle if she plans to paint a bad picture of me. I’m the only father willing to be a part of my daughter’s Girl Scout experience and I’m willing to come to this Leader’s meeting to prove it.

Our next Girl Scout Brownie meeting is scheduled for Tuesday February 15. I can’t wait! I plan to make quite a splash with my introduction speech to the parents and the girls present. It should be a night to remember!

My Big Belly Weekend

~ K ~ Leave a comment

The beginning of 2011…and my belly is getting bigger.

I hear many people talk about losing weight because they have ballooned up over the holidays. Heck, I don’t need a holiday to balloon my weight up. I can pig out and have a good time, any old time! Bring on more food and keep it coming! Why not enjoy a good meal when you can? Or a donut when you are in between meals?

This is not to say that I am seriously going to trim back down (versus just joking about it). I point to this weekend as a prime example of why I need to trim down and get back in shape (yet again).

Nothing bad happened over the weekend if you don’t count noticing my huge pot belly hanging out and my self esteem crashing to the floor. Mind you, I can still fit into all of jeans but only because I am a man. I still have the same waist as I had in high school and college; it’s my gut that has grown bigger. Women worry about their huge butts, men worry about their huge guts.

Perhaps you need some tips on how to hide those extra pounds? I’d suggest the excuse of “layers”. If you live in a somewhat cold climate, you can easily dismiss those extra pounds with your “layers” of clothing. Layers are an excellent way to hide extra weight. During the winter, it is the best time to add on those extra pounds and not feel too bad about it. Layers are your friends….

I have discovered I don’t feel bad about my weight until I take a vacation trip and actually take my shirt off in public. I’m not in the habit of whipping my shirt off in any old public spot. However this past weekend we had a family trip to Mt. Baker and stayed in a condo with access to not one, but two pools. Yes, two pools so I had double the opportunities to strip off my shirt and show off my big belly. What a wonderful chance to see how bad I looked without a shirt on. Sure, take a swim with the kids and show off the pot belly. What is the big deal? Everyone likes the jolly fat guy, right?

I could be a jolly fat guy…except I’m not exactly a jolly person.

Another good way to hide those extra pounds: always get dressed in the dark or dim lighting situations. This insures that your significant other doesn’t get that 10,000 watt spotlight view of you (at least it feels that way when the lights are on). I’d suggest a nice candle light rule in the house, thus creating a romantic and artistically pleasure portrait of you at all times.

So today, I was back to exercising with the goal to lose those extra pounds. However, I’m not stupid enough to post my goals…I don’t want to be held accountable in case that chocolate cupcake just happens to appear on my desert plate tomorrow night.

As always, your comments and posts are welcome!

Christmas Newsletter 2010 (clean verision)

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Hellriegel’s 2010 Holiday Newsletter (a must read!)

Another year has whipped by and we find ourselves back at the holiday newsletter time of year. In short, we are all alive, healthy, and wiser(?). So if you want to skip the rest of this newsletter, please go ahead, just remember to recycle it (it would make a lovely wrapping paper for my gift)!

The kids are all doing well. We still have three (I haven’t killed anyone….yet). J (20) is living with his dad and working at Toys R Us. At least he has a job in this lousy economic time. My wife and I are still both working so that is great news, right? It was one of my best years in real estate and my school photography business is still solid. It just goes to show that if you actually do a great job, your clients will stay with you!

What about the younger kids that inhabit our home, drain our energy, and think I am awesome? K (8) is in 2nd Grade and is developing my sense of humor! Thank God for that! Rest assured that after I’m dead and gone, she’ll continue to bring that sick and twisted Hellriegel sense of humor to your lives. She complete her first year of soccer (loves it), bridged over from Daisy Scouts to Brownies, continued ballet (now switched to Jazz), and went on a Dad and Me Camp (Girl Scouts) with me (where I was the coolest Dad around-at least I thought so).

H (12) is now in the 6th Grade and in his last year at elementary school. As a pre-teenager, we are seeing the switch in his attitude from child to obnoxious son. He believes 20 minutes of arguing is better than doing the five minutes of work he is arguing against doing. He played indoor soccer and outdoor soccer, is now in Boy Scouts (following his old man & uncle on the path to Eagle Scout), came in 3rd Place in popcorn sales for the troop (thanks to me!), and has long hair (unlike me!). I attended summer camp with H for a week (Camp Piggott) where he earned 5 merit badges (compared to only 3 that I earned my first time at summer camp). You’ll be pleased to know that he too has my sense of humor (much to my wife’s dismay). Perhaps that is why he likes to argue so much?

Vacation Trips: Don’t get too excited; our vacations are usually pretty boring, road trip style because I’m such a frugal person (or cheapskate as my wife likes to say). Our school vacations were also cut short because of the teacher’s strike so we did mini-vacations. We went to Portland, OR over the New Year’s Break and we rode the Portland Streetcar around (because H and I are train geeks) while my wife humored us. Luckily, we are grooming K to be a train geek as well…soon there will be another (insert evil laugh here). We also bumped into one of the four people I know in Oregon right at Powell’s Bookstore. Man, there goes my chance to win the PowerBall Lottery with a random run in with a friend named (get this) “Chance”. Seriously, that is actually true and his actual name.

We did our annual trip to Lincoln Rock for a week in June (out of the rain!). Then we did a freezing cold Oregon Coast trip (in July) with temps of 40-60 degrees. I was blamed for the cold weather (not my fault, it’s an act of God ok?). Overall, Oregon Coast was fun because we had extended family camping trip with campfires and family time. We also managed to make it another time to the warmth of Eastern Washington and a waterslide park. We did a few trips to the Anderson Island cabin. Since I’m the oldest of the children and can blame all the broken things on my brother and sister, we had a raging party with 100 of my closet friends from the tavern (at least that is what my father firmly believes).

Additional Members of the Family: This year we added a rabbit to our family named “Puppy” (that was his name before we got him). I renamed him “Zoltron: Destroyer of Planets”. It sounds more Star Trek-ish and manly (if those two terms can go together). No offense to the folks that speak “Klingon” in their spare time (i.e. no social life). Our dog Shelby turned 10 in February and is greatly loved by the kids (who don’t seem to remember to feed her or pick up her poop unless it is on the bottom of their shoes).

My wife had some good “Girlfriends without Whining Husbands and Demanding Children Trips” with a wine tour to Lake Chelan and a trip to the Oregon Coast. Thank God, I had stocked up on Pop Tarts (a most delicious dinner!), peanut butter, and insane amounts of hot dogs. What else would we eat when she is gone? McDonald’s? With each vacation my wife takes without me, our marriage grows stronger because now I can bank more days into my “Dad Alone Vacations”! I’m up to 16 weeks of vacation now. Hmm, an extended trip to Europe by myself? Maybe a trip to South America? Or a couch surfing trip to NYC (hint, hint Cousin Stephen and his wife Melissa)? Truth be told, I like to use my vacation with my family and hold it over my wife’s head as an evil overlord. This way I can “feel” better about myself (and still keep those vacation days in the bank!).

The end of the year brought us Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Thanksgiving was bittersweet because of the snow and we stayed at home instead of getting away to Anderson Island.
Other News: I continued on in my Aikido class and passed my 5th kyu (I’m “grasshopper” like in the TV series Kung Fu). I also had 11 Cub Scout finish up their Cub Scout careers and me as their Den Leader in February. Then I got sucked into an Assistant Scoutmaster position (hence my week long “vacation” at Boy Scout camp instead of Hawaii). Actually, we are in a good troop and H and I are both having fun.

Between my endless hours of wasting time on Facebook and watching TV (mostly reality shows), I have mostly neglected my family and household duties this past year. However, I did manage to write more on my blog (which I wholeheartedly encourage you to read on a weekly basis). Is it as funny as the newsletter or my various Facebook status updates? Sometimes. Will you get more of my weird sense of humor? Of course!

So important websites to remember:
Kevin’s Blog: https://khellriegel.wordpress.com/
Kevin’s Photography: http://www.hellriegelstudio.com
Kevin’s Real Estate: http://www.KevinRE.com

Feel free to call us or stop by the house anytime you happen to be in Kent!

Warmest Holiday Wishes,

Kevin & Family!