Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

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Tag Archives: cyndi

My Worst Critic….

red penI have a reader that is one of my worst critics.  She finds fault in almost every blog post I produce.  She is offended about how I portray myself as a sarcastic person.  She is clearly upset with my style of writing, complaining that it isn’t true, that never happened, etc.  She also doesn’t like my parenting tips.

This critic is my ten year old daughter.

She doesn’t like my sarcastic tone.  I explain to her that my Blog is titled “Blog of Worthless Advice” and that it is meant to be funny, not serious.  She doesn’t like how I give the impression that I hate kids (I don’t really hate them).  She also wants me to brag more about being an Assistant Scoutmaster and a Girl Scout Leader (although some of her friends think that is odd until they hear about all the fun stuff we do).

Now, you can see why I avoid swearing on my blog (oh, and I can curse like a sailor if I wanted to).  I know that she will soon be logging on, reading my blog, and coming over to critique my last posting.

Jeez, it certainly is hard being a blogger.  Putting yourself, your thoughts, your writing style out there for the world to see (if they can find you).  It is one thing to have a nice imaginary stalker like Cyndi out there but it quite another to have a ten year old critic giving your last post a big thumbs down.  It is a good thing I get to review and approve the comments….

Thanks for reading!  Let me know if you need someone to tear down your blog and make you feel bad.  I’ll send my daughter over with her red pen of death.

The red pen photo is from the Website  http://www.fendrihan.com.  I don’t get a commission but it is one sweet looking pen if you want to check it out!

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Why “To Do Lists” make you a Failure and kill the Tooth Fairy at the Same Time!

Sunday is a wonderful day in which you wake up with high hopes to get a great deal of stuff done…but you don’t.  That “To Do” List you might have started Friday night (but you really didn’t get started until lunch on Saturday) is never going to get done.  Accept this fact and your life will be a lot easier.

As an unpublished motivational speaker with an imaginary stalker named Cyndi, I offer this wonderful Worthless Advice from my living room: Ditch the “To Do” List.

When you have a “To Do List”, you are setting yourself up for failure.  Do you want to be a failure?  Let’s be honest, you won’t accomplish anything on your list and that will make you feel like a loser, a failure, a worthless individual who can’t do anything.  Is that your idea of being a “winner”?

Let’s say you have ten items on your list.  So you get two done of ten and scratch them off.  Wow.  You finished two items…20% of your list done.  Is that worth bragging about?  You got 20% done.  If this was a math test, you’d have failed.  That’s the big “F”.  Wouldn’t that make your parents proud?  What about your kids?  They could brag….”My mommy (or daddy) finished two things for an “F”…yeah!!!”  Face it; that is a lesson your kids don’t need to learn (let them learn how much of a failure you are later in their lives).

Your kids will learn later on in life that you didn’t take them to Disneyland every year, you skipped half the teacher-parent conferences because you were too busy checking your Facebook status, and the pet bunny isn’t really living out with Uncle Simon on the farm in the country.  These items can safely be hidden from them.  You already killed the Tooth Fairy when your kid lost her tooth on a Saturday night, you went to bed, forgot to switch out her tooth for a dollar.  Then the next morning, you wake up in a panic, grab your wallet to discover you have only a $20 bill left.  So you slide your hand (palming the $20 bill) under her pillow and doing the switch….and she wakes up!

Now you have to explain that you were just “checking” to make sure the Tooth Fairy had stopped by.  She looks at you suspiciously, looks under the pillow to discover that nice $20 bill and her doubt is quickly forgotten.  However, then she thinks you were trying to heist her money and that opens a whole new can of worms.

Don’t be a failure.  Be a winner! Forget the “To Do List”.

Peculiar Podcast with Pat Cashman & Lisa Foster

Sorry about not blogging the past several weeks.  Work has been keeping me really busy and I just couldn’t bring me to write anything for the blog.  I know, I’m letting you and my imaginary stalker Cyndi down.

However, I have been inspired to write again.  I have to give thanks to one of my friends who casually mentioned “Mind your Manners with Billy Quan”.  This brought me back to my youth when I use to watch a local Seattle comedy show called “Almost Live”.  After a search of YouTube, I watched a number of old “Mind your Manners” clips, reliving some of youth.

Of course, one of my favorite actors on the “Almost Live” show was Pat Cashman.  Now I’m not expert on Pat Cashman, however I can pretend I’m one.  Pat Cashman had a great morning radio show that was cancelled due to a poor management decision at the radio station he was employed at.  At least that is my opinion (and we know I’m right 97.9 % of the time).  So I did a Google search and I found that Pat Cashman and Lisa Foster were now doing a podcast.  I was delighted beyond belief (well, again, you can believe it).  Their podcast is called Peculiar Podcast with Pat Cashman and Lisa Foster http://peculiarpodcast.com.

I’ve been going backwards from their newest podcast to their oldest podcast and I love them.  It reminds me of the radio show and I really enjoy the banter between Pat and Lisa.  I even took the step and emailed Lisa and Pat.  My email to them was witty and thoughtful (like my blog postings).  Lisa was immediately enthralled with my amazing sense of humor that is portrayed in my writing.  I was very pleased that Lisa took the time out of her busy schedule and wrote back to me.

As you can imagine, I’ve introduced their podcast to my cat Ms. Meow Meow and my imaginary stalker Cyndi.  Both have “liked” Pat and Lisa on their Facebook pages thanks to my recommendation.

I know you’ll enjoy their podcast as much as I do.  Click on over to their website, listen to some of their podcasts, email them and tell them to link their website to my blog.  Then email them again and tell them they should have me as a guest on their podcast.  Remember, Ms. Meow Meow and Cyndi (my imaginary stalker) have already taken to emailing them on a daily basis so your email to them would be a welcome relief from their daily emails.

Cyndi – my stalker lives (and I’m so excited!!)

It’s update time for our favorite stalker Cyndi.  Rather it is update time about our favorite stalker Cyndi; whom we all thought was imaginary but has emailed me just yesterday.  Yes, Cyndi was kind enough to inform me that she is actually real.

Now, this no doubt is a huge ego booster for someone like himself who can his count readership on one hand.  Of course, how do we know for sure that I didn’t invent the supposed email/comment posting we see on my blog?  Or I’m just bringing Cyndi into “reality” myself to boost my meager readership?  Is it just a cheap trick?

Would I be that creative to inject Cyndi into the realm of reality? Or perhaps someone from Indiana University is more creative than I (which honestly is not hard to do) and helped to create the wonderful stalker that is Cyndi.

I just can’t wait to hear more from Cyndi so that we all can enjoy and share in my writing and her witty comments.  It is just more enjoyable for myself and my two readers to read my blog posts with the knowledge that Cyndi my stalker is reading it as well.  Just think, a whole new world awaits us with a special stalker/stalking relationship that will influence my writing from now on.

So sit back dear readers, read my blog (which is fantastic..am I right?  I know I’m right…just say I’m right) and enjoy my witty and thoughtful commentary on life.

Why spend time with the family?  Take a lesson from Cyndi and start stalking me!

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