Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Tag Archives: coffee

My Prefect Gift: My Stories

Have you be on vacation lately?  Do you feel that you have to buy souvenirs for all your friends and relatives back home?  You know, all those schmucks that didn’t come with you on your dream vacation?  And now they want a gift from you?  An expensive trinket that means nothing to them but costs you a fortune.  A trinket to prove your friendship?

No, my dear worthless advice blog readers…this is when we put down our foot and say “No more worthless gifts”.  Let me enlighten you, dear readers to a gift that keeps on giving to my friends and relatives…my stories!

How can my stories be a gift?  Upon my return from a trip, I’ve noticed my kids usually ask this question: What did you bring me?  When they were younger, I use to be able to get away with bringing them restaurant napkins or maybe some airline peanuts.  Heck, when they were younger you could bring them a hotel brochure and they would be impressed.  But now, they want more.  You know…things like a tee-shirt…a snow globe…a boxed set of Chinese throwing stars…a new Dell Alienware laptop….typical things for kids.

family-591579_1920Instead, I bring them my exciting stories of making Kona coffee in my hotel room, ordering a sandwich at a beachside deli, and how the old lady almost ran me over at the cross walk.  I let them know that my life is exciting and dangerous; yet can be boring and mundane at times.  Clearly, my listeners will learn from my engaging and entertaining stories and appreciate them more than a dull old trinket from my Maui vacation trip.

Who wants a seashell lei when they could instead feel the salt spray on their face as they listen to how I walked along Wailua Beach on Kauai at sunrise?  Their mind will hear the crashing of the waves on the beach, the Hawaiian music floating across the lobby of the hotel, the soft gentle trade wind will kiss their face, and their eyes will begin to squint when I mention the bright sun reflecting off the golden sand.  Truly, my vast stories have awoken them from their mindless slumber and taken them on a journey like no other.

1 palm-tree-2095813.jpgMy stories of coconut palm trees swaying in the wind will delight the young and old alike.  Maybe I should even talk about the annoying tourist at the bar?  You know the guy that talks way too loud and complains about being there?

Yes, dear readers, you are welcome!  (I know you want to “Thank” me for sharing my stories) in my blog.  In fact, leave a comment about this post or your favorite story below in my comments section.  And if you’d like to do a guest blog entry, send me a private message.

 

Advertisements

Crap I don’t Want for Father’s Day

Father's DayFather’s Day – Oh, how I hate you.

As a father to 0-3 kids (sometimes I claim them…sometimes I don’t), I hate Father’s Day.  I know I’m an awesome father, why do I need a special day?  Father’s Day is a made up holiday that really does nothing but support the retailers of America.  Do they have Father’s Day in other countries?  Don’t answer because I don’t really care.  I don’t care about ours so you can surmise that I really don’t care if you have a Father’s Day either.

I tell my family not to buy me anything.  I’ll accept a homemade card and some food but I don’t need anything else.  Make me breakfast; I’m OK with that.  If you insist on getting me something, please us the following as guidelines.

I don’t want the following:

  • Track Suit/Sweat Suit – Do I look like I’m a retiree?
  • Ties – I have plenty.
  • Crappy Art Work – for Pete’s sake you are teenagers and young adults, if your artwork looks like crap now just give up drawing anything.
  • Coffee Mugs with “World’s Greatest Dad” on them.  We already know I’m the best.
  • Dinner Out at a Restaurant – I end up paying so how is this different than any other time we go out for dinner?
  • Book Ends – I saw this on a website as a suggestion.  Really? Bookends?
  • Books about Rich People – Thanks for making me feel like a failure…again.
  • New fad “Diet” books – I know, I know…I’m fat.

Things You Can Get for Me for Father’s Day

  • A handmade card – use multiple colors and write something creative.  Put some thought into it. Bust out those old color crayons and pens and get cracking.  I want some artwork I can sell.
  • A photo of you and your siblings –  Give me the illusion you like each other and get along with each other.
  • Liquor – A nice whisky or scotch…don’t go cheap on your old man.
  • Food items, candy, etc. – I’m a man, so food works.
  • Experiences – let’s do a hike, river rafting trip, burying a dead body, etc. together.  Make a memory with me.
  • Cologne – ask your Mom; don’t pick something for me…ask your Mom.  I don’t want to smell like some cheap boy band member or that I just step out of prison for a weekend visit.

Oh, by the way, Father’s Day is tomorrow.  Don’t worry; you don’t have to do anything.

fathers-day-joke-card-5

 

 

Don’t Give Up Coffee! Give up your expensive, fattening Coffee Drink!

With all the New Year’s Resolutions flying around, the one resolution that particular bothers me is: People giving up drinking coffee. I understand people want to get healthier. But why deny yourself something so wonderful as coffee? That wonderful drink that helps you get through the day?  That old pal that helps you stay awake?  The drink that allows you to bond with your co-workers while complaining about your boss?  Why give up on that old friend?

I know you think giving up coffee is a good time…I understand you want to be true to your New Year’s Resolutions.  However, may I make a suggestion?  Load up that cup of coffee with all the bad stuff you can find.  Make that cup of coffee the worst possible drink out there (this is exactly what Starbucks does) and then give it up.

Heck, the coffee isn’t the bad part….just think about a “coffee drink” from Starbucks.  That is what is bad.

Think about it for a  minute.  Take a wonderful cup of coffee…

Add loads of sugar (or honey…cane sugar…sweetner)

…add in some whole milk or maybe even some nice half-and-half

…make that into a coffee drink (because it really isn’t a cup of coffee anymore is it?)

and now give it up.  Give up all that bad stuff that you have come to love in your coffee.  That will make you feel better about that silly New Year’s Resolution you made in the heat of a New Year’s Eve’s moment (when you were weak because your old pal coffee wasn’t there).  You know you wouldn’t have made that resolution on New Year’s Day in the morning at breakfast.  No, you made that resolution the night before when you were with our casual friend “Alcohol”.

Sure you and Alcohol go way back, don’t you?  But Alcohol isn’t with you every day.  Do you know who is?  Coffee.

Old Alcohol was trying to get you to ditch your true friend Coffee.  Don’t ditch Coffee.  Alcohol only comes to hang out during the fun events like football games and birthday parties.  Coffee is there, day in and day out.  Don’t substitute a sure thing with something that only likes to party once in a while with you.

Of course, it isn’t too bad when alcohol and coffee get together at the same time to party with you.  A nice cold Sunday afternoon with your two pals Coffee and Alcohol makes a wonderful end to a weekend.  They get along perfectly and they make the weekend a blast.

Special thanks to Nick over at Nick’s Blog for this post idea…

Image from Flickr.com

Image from Flickr.com

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

As I navigate through this life ...

Sleeping on the Diagonal

Random Ruminations on Single Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wine

S.D. Lange ~Erotica~

Where Kink Meets Romance

Sexy Romance Novels

Novels that leave us breathless

In10se

My View Through a Cracked Lens.

making peace with the wrong side of 40

My midlife crisis made me want to live simply. Unfortunately, there isn't much simple about it most days.

New England Nomad

All Things New England

Evil Squirrel's Nest

Where all the cool squirrels hang out!

Abbey Co.

Lifestyle Blogger, Big-Time Foodie, Toddler Mom, USCG Certified Captain, Baker of Too Many Sweets, and Total Northwest Lifestyle Fanatic

The Coffee Life

Writing | Books | Caffeine | Life

The Tawdry Tales of Tess

Memoirs, Musings and Advice from a Very Naughty Girl

The Phil Factor

Where Sarcasm Gets Drunk and Let's Its Hair Down

The Brasharian

style and culture blog

Appetite for Sexual Destruction

Welcome to the Jungle that is online dating in your 30s...

Everything Southern

lifestyle blog

%d bloggers like this: