Category: Worthless Advice

Kevin the Dream Killer

~ K ~ 6 Comments

If you have a dream, a fantasy, a misguided belief in yourself (or others), then welcome to the demise of those dreams.  Allow me to kill those dreams, those dreams that you hold so precious in your heart; the ones you keep only to yourself because you know others will laugh at you.

We all have them….a dream of becoming a famous writer, an actor, a movie star.  To own a big yacht, a private tropical island, and eat whatever we want.

The truth is that most of us won’t live our dreams….boo hoo.  Isn’t that sad?  What about all those self help gurus talking about “if you can visualize it, you can do it!”?

They lied to you.  I’m not here to lie to you….I’m merely here to kill your dreams.  Is it really a dream or a self damaging fantasy you cling to as an excuse for your own shortcomings?

Let’s be realistic, shall we?  You are at your present stage in your life because of the choices you made.  You might not have wanted to be working in your career path but you are.  You thought you would have written a great novel by now but you haven’t.  You wish you were a multimillionaire but you aren’t.  Are these things you can change?

Sure, you could change them…but you won’t.  Instead you’ll complain how you don’t have enough time in the day to get your work done, you need to do this or that, you weren’t lucky in life, your family was poor, your parents didn’t love you, and your cat moved to the neighbor’s house.

You don’t need me to kill your dreams.  You have already done it yourself.  You have chosen to visualize your life exactly where it is at.  It is your destiny.  I don’t have to kill your dreams; you’ve done it already.  But to be fair, I’d love to kill them.  I’d love to throw them under the bus of life and watch the wheels crush them.  I’d love to see the horror of the people on the sidewalk see your dreams being crushed under those huge uncaring bus tires.

Where would you be when your dreams are dying?  You are one of the many passengers on the bus going along on a bus ride you don’t like.  You are sitting there calmly, looking at your IPod, listening to some song (that has nothing to do with your future) and wondering to yourself, why the bus has stopped?

The bus has stopped because you allowed Kevin to kill your dreams!  But did I really kill them?  Or did I merely point out to you that your dreams are dead underneath the bus’ tires?

Am I the cause of your failures?  The cause of the death of your dreams?  Can you honestly blame a blogger in another part of the world for killing your dreams?

So send over your dreams and I’ll kill them for you.  You can then blame your life on all the worthless advice I’ve given you over the past several years.  You know you’ll feel better when you come to terms with the death of your dreams.  And one day you’ll thank Kevin the Dream Killer and all his worthless advice.

Death of a Blogger

~ K ~ 13 Comments

Death of a Blogger…..

I follow a lot of different blogs for various important reasons (that you clearly wouldn’t understand).  Some of them are funny, others are annoying, a few are informative, and the last ones are just blogs that I enjoy the writing style and the thoughts of the author.  My WordPress Reader always offers something exciting and new most evenings.  I get multiple blog post updates in my email inbox daily (which is a whole other issue for our next therapy session).

However, one thing I don’t know much about is the death of a blogger.  All of the suddenly I’ll have a craving for a certain blog and I’ll go to that blog only to discover it is gone.  It doesn’t exist.  I’m left hollow and empty.  I think to myself (most because I’m the only person that actually listens to me) “Is  it my fault they are gone?  Did I not offer enough of my worthless advice to them to keep them motivated?  Did I not write enough for them and they lost their inspiration?”

Alas, it is an extremely tough burden to carry when you inspire an imaginary stalker and your mother to keep reading your blog for guidance.  What if I wasn’t posting enough and that is why that blogger gave up?  I mean, I let them down and their blog is no more, gone, shut down, lying in the dust of the internet desert of shifting trends and topics.  The front page isn’t even their last entry; it is merely an uncaring generic WordPress page stating that the blog no longer exists.

I really want you to understand is that you can come to me first before you eliminate your blog.  I want you to let me know, if you plan to kill your blog.  If you think your creativity has died, perhaps your life isn’t crazy or insane enough, maybe your ten cats have left you for the neighbor with the endless supply of tuna (albacore not the crappy dark meat stuff),  or your latest quilting project didn’t work out (I love the fruit coasters), you can drop me an email and I’ll help keep you going.  Heck, I’ll even do a guest post on your blog so you have some content (worthless advice but content nevertheless).  That is the kind of self serving kind of worthless advice dispensing, fake therapist/writer/self help guru I am.

Keep the comments coming on my worthless advice blog posts.  I need the ego post so my blog doesn’t shut down in a fit of rage or a big sissy crying fest.  Either one would be most unpleasant and cause undue stress to my already fragile ego.  So click the “Like” button and then go a step further and leave a witty comment.  Oh, and leave your website link and I’ll link it back to your blog so you feel loved.

Hawaii Life TV Show: Honolulu

~ K ~ 2 Comments

A few of you might remember that my parents still live on Kauai and I went to high school on Kauai.  I like Kauai and am enjoying the TV show “Hawaii Life”.  The show is most likely produced by the real estate company “Hawaii Life” because they make Hawaii look awesome.  On the flip side, “Dog the Bounty Hunter” shows the meth heads, wife beaters, and bond jumping thugs of Honolulu in such a positive light.

The most recent episode of “Hawaii Life” was about a couple that lived on Oahu looking for a condo in downtown Honolulu.  The couple was recently married and living with her parents but looking to move out.  Ideally, they wanted to live in downtown Honolulu since it was close to his job.

I have a few friends that live on the island of Oahu so this particular episode was interesting to me.  As a father, I would prefer to live in a house with my family rather than a condo with no yard.  As a married couple (with no kids), I could go with a condo living and a nice view to enjoy.  No lawn to mow?  No bushes to trim?  No leaves to rake?  Where do I sign up?

As long as I have access to some good grocery stores and can go for a walk, I’m happy.  Throw in some good golf courses, some sandy beaches, and a library, I’m good to go.

When you live in Western Washington, you see about 220 days of cloudy gray skies a year.  On the eastern side of the great state of Washington, that ratio of cloudy weather to sunny days flip flops to 200+ days of sun.  Sure, winters are colder with actually freezing temperatures and the chance of snow and ice, but there is sun and blue skies.

Am I complaining about wet Seattle again?  Yes, I am.  I live here and I can complain…it’s a great combination.

Back to the show “Hawaii Life”….the couple picked a nice condo, the real estate agent made a good commission, and everyone is happy.  Except me, sitting here in wet Seattle, with the temperatures in the 40’s and raining.  Life is perfect and you should move here to Seattle.  We could hang out and be friends in person (versus you reading my blog and wishing you could talk with me in person).

The parents must have been really delighted to finally get their daughter and their son-in-law out of their house.  I’m sure they wanted to take care of their daughter and husband forever….

April, the month of doom for my blog….

~ K ~ 3 Comments

April has managed to kick me in the butt.  I’m busy at work and my blog has fallen to the wayside (like my children…well, I think I have kids or at least I have a vague memory of them).  It’s not like I don’t want to write in my blog but I feel guilty writing when I know I have work to do.  It seems like endless projects like to pop up to steal my time away. Quite annoying, eh?

Keep in mind that we have all been told that if something is important, you’ll make time for it.  I make time for work, for my family, and the millions over projects.  Blogging is important but it doesn’t pay the bills and hence why I’m still a photographer (and not a bestselling writer!).

I like writing but I also like to make sure my writing is something to be proud of.  Sure, not everything I write is prize winning but I want you to read it, to enjoy it, and want more.

Is that too much to ask for?  To have readers that care?  Readers that worship me?

Now, I’m going to make the effort to finish off the month of April with a bang in the blog department.  Let’s pump out some great blog entries for you to thinks about and enjoy.

Thanks for reading.  Leave those comments (good and bad!).

Girl Scout Troop Adventure: Indoor Rock Climbing Gym and the Wall of Doom!

~ K ~ 4 Comments

Last week during Spring Break, we took our Girl Scout Troop to the Stone Gardens Indoor Rock Climbing Gym in Bellevue, Washington.  The Girl Scout Troop loves to go to this place and play for two solid hours.  And I enjoy allowing them to challenge themselves in the safety of indoor climbing gym wearing the appropriate safety gear.

The only person to get hurt was yours truly.  In my misguided notion that I have superpowers, I fell attempting to leap from one climbing handhold to the other on the free climbing wall.  I realized that my arms don’t quite stretch as far as an orangutan as I fell backwards towards the floor.

Sure, the fall was only onto my back from a good ten feet up (maybe higher but we won’t tell my wife that) and I almost gave myself a concussion, but it was fun.  At least that is what I kept telling myself.  My friend Mark (the other dad to attend this event) got a really good laugh that I hurt myself.  He showed me pictures of me doing a really good job of climbing and a picture of the rock face where I had been before I fell.  He wasn’t quick enough to capture my rapid descent to the matt and the aftermath.

Luckily, I was able to hold back the tears and keep up my macho appearance in front of my daughter and her fellow Girl Scouts.

One worthy tip to note is if you have a Boy Scout or Girl Scout Troop is to inquire with different venues if they offer a non-profit rate.  We saved about $5 per climber since we were a non-profit group.

 

Thanks for reading!  Your comments are always welcome!

It’s April & I’m way behind on posting Worthless Advice!

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I can’t believe it is already Monday April 15, 2013 (now it is April 16) and I haven’t done any blog entries since last month.  I got a bit swamped at work and just didn’t feel like writing.  A fairly lame excuse to say the least and I’ll admit to that.  We also were busy with family trips and mini-vacations so I’ll throw in some more lame excuses while I’m at it.

The end of March, we (the little people who live with me and my wife) spent a couple of nights in Lincoln City on the Oregon Coast.  We lucked out and got some great weather.  Sunny weather to be exact.  We had nicer weather those two days in March than we did last August on the Oregon Coast.  Anyway, the weather was good, the local community seems pretty nice (but everything seems nice when you are on vacation), and the food wasn’t bad either.

If memory serves me correctly, we stayed at the Surfrider Hotel.  Overall, our hotel wasn’t bad either considering we got a Groupon deal on it.  The pool was inside and old school style but the hotel was right on the beach.  We had a lovely balcony over the sand, free wifi, cable TV, etc.  Pretty sweet.

After two nights on the Oregon Coast, on the way back through McMinnville, we stopped at the Hotel Oregon and had a great lunch on the rooftop bar.  Again, the sun was out and we enjoyed their rooftop deck.  The Hotel Oregon is run by the McMenamins Brothers and we like the quirky style they have throughout their restaurants and hotels.  The food is reasonable priced and the atmosphere is great for those that like that pub feel.

We spend a third night in downtown Portland (Oregon) at the Sheraton.  I like the Sheraton chain and we weren’t disappointed.  My wife also got a good deal on that so instead of sleeping in the car, we stayed there.  (There goes another life lesson my children could have learned about being homeless and living out of your car).

Not to worry, the city of Portland (like Austin, Texas) likes to pride itself as being weird.  The downtown homeless bums did their best to put on a good show for my kids.  On a side note, we do have homeless people in our downtown suburb city but my kids aren’t exposed to them.  And we have them in downtown Seattle but we hardly visit downtown to experience them.  I know what you are thinking: my kids aren’t being exposed to crazy homeless people like they should.  I agree with you, I’m a terrible father.  I promise to work on that.

We also squeezed in a visit to my friend Chance and got to see his new family.  Again, we had great weather and the afternoon temperatures in Portland were 77 degrees in March!  Unheard of!

Overall the trip was a good one.  We certainly lucked out on the weather for this kind of trip in the month of March.  We are looking forward to going back to McMinnville to check out their Evergreen Air and Space Museum and Water Park.

Sleeping Pills: Not Just For Overworked Mommies Anymore!

~ K ~ 4 Comments

I was reading the Miami Herald today and they had an article about a teacher named Debbie Gratz at Northern California preschool that is accused of doping her students.  She was just released from jail after being charged with Child Endangerment.  According to court records a colleague reported seeing her drop an unknown substance into the children’s juice cups.

I’m sure she is just an overworked employee that just needed her kids to have a little down time.  Those toddlers are always on the go and it takes a lot of energy to keep up with them.  Why should you do your job that you are being paid to do?  Isn’t watching the children sleep the same thing as teaching them?

Sure everyone needs a break once in a while.  And to her defense, it was only an Over-The-Counter (OTC) sleeping medication called “Sominex”.  Just because that stuff knocks my butt to sleep and I weigh 220 lbs, I’m sure a little 20-40 lb toddler will do fine with it.

That classroom must be a sleeping paradise during afternoon nap time.  I bet all the teachers were envious of her amazing ability to keep the children asleep for 6 hours straight.

I can hear her fellow teachers now….

‘I don’t know you do it, Debbie, but you are amazing with those children.  They sleep so quietly and never seem to wake up for anything: Lunch time, fire drills, recess, afternoon snack.  You are truly a miracle worker.”

Perhaps it might be a good idea for Debbie to step away from the preschool classroom and explore other career paths.  May I suggest dealing with the homeless?  They are usually self medicated saving you the trouble of slipping them a sleeping pill.  Or if she really wants a challenge she could buy beer and liquor for underaged drinkers outside of the local grocery stores.  Or maybe take up a chemistry career and start a meth lab out in the pine forest behind her house.  Now that is some great career

Of course, everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

3 Awesome Tips on How to Cut Down on your Next Vacation Expenses!

~ K ~ 2 Comments

Vacation Tips: How to Cut down on your Vacation Expenses

Family Trips 2011 047Let’s face it folks, vacations are expensive unless you are single or rich.  If you happen to be stuck with a family like me, you know your vacation becomes a folly in the realms of expensive undertakings.  Depending on where you are going and how you are getting there, it costs a pretty penny to take a well deserved vacation.

For example, if you want to fly anywhere and have a family of four, your vacation costs went up four times.  However, lucky for you, I have some easy and practical tips to cut your travel expenses by 45%!

Airline Tickets:

Flying is expensive but is it necessary only for the right family members.  Do your kids really need to fly anywhere?  A simple way to cut down on airfare is to take the plane for you and your spouse and send your kids on a bus or train.  Think how much enjoyable the first few days of your vacation would be without your children fighting or whining,  Bus fare is way cheaper than an airline ticket and your kids would make new friends on the bus.  They could have meet “Ryan the Runaway Teen” and “Butch the Ex-Con” but don’t forget “Smelly Tony from the East Coast” (who doesn’t believe in showers, deodorant, or changing clothes).  You can’t make memories that last (or scar you) for a lifetime if you don’t experience a ride on a bus cross country.

Tip: If you are really worried about your kids being unattended, slip the driver a few extra bucks to look out for them during the trip.  It is still way cheaper than two airline tickets.

And don’t forget the kids will have to return on the bus as well.  Again, you have a few extra quiet days of rest and relaxation while they travel home.

Car Rental/Hotels:

Have you ever noticed that you don’t really spend that much time in your hotel room except to shower and sleep?  But you do spend a lot of time in your rental car, don’t you?  Well, combine the two!  Skip the expensive of a big fancy hotel (or a rat hole one for that matter) and spend the money on a kick ass ride!  You can get that big fancy van which will have plenty of space for sleeping bags, luggage, and the cooler full of drinks and food.  Need a shower…visit the local gas station or state park.  Need a place to park overnight?  Try the city hall parking lot or the local police station parking lot.  Both are safe and secure!

Food:

Eating out on vacation is a totally pain.  No one agrees on anything and the prices are way too high.  A simple breakfast or lunch can cost up to $70!  Darn we mention dinner?  Always eat out at the cheapest, least healthy place for EVERY meal.  After a three or four meals of fast food (or 7-11 food), you’ll notice that your family will quickly decrease their consumption of all food.  Remember less eating equals more savings!

Sometimes you get that one kid with a cast iron stomach that can eat anything.  To make sure they have enough food, have them clear other patron’s tables.  This accomplishes four things: 1) they get a sense of giving back to the community 2) they can eat the leftovers on the tray, 3) it teaches them how to survive when you kick their butts out of the house when they turn 18, and 4) gives them a glimpse of their future careers (this is called On The Job Training).

One final note, your vacation is about you relaxing and doing something fun.  You should really consider taking a vacation with people you really care about.  Think about taking your golfing buddies or a good friend who likes to party as much as you do.  Honestly, taking your spouse or girl/boyfriend is a toss up because of their bad attitude and how they pout when they don’t get their way.  And then there is the matter with your kids: they fight and bicker with each other all the time. Why do you want to bring crap that along on vacation when you hear enough of it at home?

In a future blog, we’ll discuss how to cut down on travel costs by making your bus into a mini Greyhound bus!

Thanks again for reading my blog and hitting the like button below!  And if you aren’t a follower, you should become one.  Most likely it will save your life during a zombie apocalypse.

Excuse Me, can I be retired now?

~ K ~ 3 Comments

It’s a rainy Wednesday here in Kent, Washington and that is normal.  No sunshine for the likes of us to cheer us up.  Luckily, I am a pretty upbeat person despite my sarcastic nature and attitude.  In my day to day job as a seasoned school photographer, I deal with teachers, parents, and kids.  Most of the time, I have a great time with all three parties.  I can’t complain about my job besides the fact I actually have to leave my house.

Yesterday evening, one of our Girl Scout cookie clients (Quick Business Tip: always call your customer’s clients…it sounds like you care about them versus just viewing them as a paycheck.  An example: lawyers have clients and Wal-Mart has customers…we’ll get into lawyers in another post) came to pick up his cookies.  He asked how business was going and I told him it was good but I’d rather be retired.  He chuckled because it is oblivious I’m totally hilarious all the time (and it’s my story so I can say how funny I am).  Anyway, I also mentioned I can always use more business (who doesn’t want more business and more money?).

However, the sticking point to my business growth plan is that I’m currently too comfortable and lazy.  I like my level of business but would like more income without doing more marketing for more clients.  Some people love the thrill of the sales call and getting new accounts, I’m not one of them.  I’m an introvert in an extrovert’s career (school photography).

Now, I can be an extrovert when I need to be.  I can put on my big boy pants and get things done.

What I really want to do is stay home (in jeans and T-shirts; I’m not much of a track suit type of guy) and do nothing.  Well, I would do something.  I enjoy reading and blogging but those too activities aren’t making me too much money.  I like to be with my family and take vacations.

Basically, my dream job is to be a lottery winner (oh, you can’t win if you don’t play) thus I wouldn’t have to worry about working and money.  I want to be retired.  I’d sit around drinking a refreshing beverage and reading a book (or working on a novel) at my oak desk in my office.

Let’s be clear, it is an office and not a man cave.  A man cave would paint a picture of a comfortable leather couch, a flat screen TV, and some of my favorite sport teams’ logos all over the place, with a well stocked fridge to boot!  My office is a nice 12×16 (foot) building separate from my home.  It has internet, electricity, and heat.  If it had a bathroom I could be out here for hours.  It isn’t a man cave because I work here; I can’t relax like in a man cave but at least it is a quiet place for me to work in.

Needless to say, I’m still working and living life: Go Team Kevin!

 

Thanks for wasting another few minutes of your life to read my blog.  Make my life that more exciting by commenting below or pushing the “like” button below the post.

 

 

 

 

Being a Loser is a Great Experience!

~ K ~ 3 Comments

Remember that time when you lost to that other kid at school?  Of course you do.  Everyone is a loser at one point in their life and if you are lucky, you’ll be losing a lot more in your life.  You’ll probably be more of a loser after this article than you deserve to be.

What does winning teach you?  Nothing.  Winning teaches you to hold onto that one moment when you thought you were a winner.  Sure, you were a winner at that one moment in time.  That brief moment you were a champion.  You were the best.  And you hold onto that moment forever.

But what does it mean to lose?  Losing teaches you that your best just wasn’t good enough.  You didn’t make it to the top of the heap.  But you survived.  You got up, shook off the defeat, and move forward.

You aren’t reliving the glory years of “how your team won the championship that year” inside the local tavern over a warm beer.  You aren’t retelling the same worn out story every time you see your friends of how you caught that game winning touchdown pass.  You didn’t catch that pass.  You lost and you moved on.  You didn’t dwell on failure or defeat.  You learned from the losing experience and it made you a tougher person.

If anything, you should have learned why you lost and took steps to improve yourself and your ability to succeed next time.  Losing is a learning experience and motivates us to do better, to strive for improvement.

“It is better to play than do nothing”
 Confucius quote

So be a loser and move forward with your life!  But before you do that, make sure you “like” this post.  Don’t be a winner, be a loser and push the “like” button.   And be even more of a loser and subscribe to my blog so I can feel like a winner.  Thanks for reading!