Ah, today is the first day of my daughter’s middle school track practice. Of course, we live in Seattle and it is raining. Oh boy, nothing like being wet and miserable for track practice.
Our family isn’t much for running. My brother completed at the high school date level but he is the only runner in the family. I’m always surprised when my kids went out and joined the track team. It’s a no cut sport so they make the team no matter what.
My daughter has stated she doesn’t like to run, however, she is joining the track team as a show of support for her friend. Kudos to her!
The other nice thing she said: we don’t have to go to any of the track meets! Yes!!!! It is truly an awesome thing to tell your lazy father (little old me) that he isn’t required to go to any track meets. Yippee!
Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a watching my kids compete in their various sports….as long as it is sunny outside and I’m comfortable. And I don’t mind being in a pleasant indoor, heated arena. You know, sports like volleyball, swimming, basketball.
With my daughter saying I don’t have to attend her track meets, it really means I don’t have to be out in the rain, in the wind, or in the typical miserable spring weather we have in the Puget Sound area. It also mean I avoid sitting on an uncomfortable outdoor metal bench and watch my daughter run in the forementioned miserable weather. Instead, I can sit on my big butt on the couch and watch afternoon talk shows and order a pizza via my smartphone. Heck, I might even have a hot cocoa and flip on my gas fireplace while I stare out my living room, watching the rain pour or drizzle down.
Thanks again daughter for giving me a get out of track jail free card! I will truly enjoy staying home and not watching you not run.
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you. Remember when you liked to see people in person and interact with them? No more. Instead of meeting with them at the local bar, just post a photo of your drink. Make sure the drink is artistically placed and the background is out of focus. Preferable you have a tropical background so you get lots of “likes”.
I mean, you drove all the way over to your Aunt’s house, why actually be “there”. Your body can be there but in reality, we all know that looking at your social media accounts are much more important that actually talking with your relatives. Who cares about that awesome Thanksgiving dinner? Who cares that this might be the last time you see Uncle Milton? (Who really cares about Uncle Milton anyway…you aren’t included in his will).
But if you can’t cook, you can still trick them into thinking that you know how to cook with a signature dish. That one dish you can cook with your eyes closed AND it tastes amazing. You need a foolproof dish. A dish that any moron (like myself) can make. It needs to be easy and tasty. A dish that melts in your mouth, that causes the taste buds to explode with desire for the next bite!
Instead, I bring them my exciting stories of making Kona coffee in my hotel room, ordering a sandwich at a beachside deli, and how the old lady almost ran me over at the cross walk. I let them know that my life is exciting and dangerous; yet can be boring and mundane at times. Clearly, my listeners will learn from my engaging and entertaining stories and appreciate them more than a dull old trinket from my Maui vacation trip.
My stories of coconut palm trees swaying in the wind will delight the young and old alike. Maybe I should even talk about the annoying tourist at the bar? You know the guy that talks way too loud and complains about being there?
Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 