Why I’m changing my kids’ names to Names of Prescription Drug!

Recently, I’ve discovered I have made a terrible mistake by naming my children just plain, old normal names.  How will they ever stand out in the world with average, run of the mill, names? Sure, they could change their names later on when they are old enough but why wait?  Let’s do it now!

Think of all the neat drug names that could belong to your kids.

Lyrica

Zoloft

Adderall

Cialis

Crestor

Abstral

Akten

As you can imagine, the list is endless! I really have only looked at the A’s and names I remember from some vague TV ad.  But all of these fantastic names are just waiting to be used!!  I really have only scratched the surface with potential names in which to express my child’s uniqueness and individuality.

Since we are on the topic of TV ads, I’ve noticed no matter what the drug is, the TV ad is tailored to make sure you know that this drug will make you appear normal to everyone else.  You have an unsightly third eye? Just take some buxtinlininepo! (Not a real drug for you people with a third eye…which would make you a space alien).  Side effects may include vomiting, projectile diaherra, excelarated heart heart, dizziness, laziness, fatness, heartlessness, and funny spots on your face. If you die, please discontinue this medication.

Every drug on television comes with scary ass warnings.  So in my mind, I think: Well, if I had that disease, and I could live with X side effects, would I do it? And in mind, I do the mental checklist, and I think “yeah, I could handle that”. Maybe it’s a itchy rash or my left earlobe swells up for a bit, but sure I could handle it. Sometimes the side effects are “death may occur” and I’m not ok with that. Heck, I guess we all have to weigh the positives and negatives, right?

I believe the best part of my new prescription drug name idea is that it will become a fashionable trend and I will be a trendsetter for a brief moment!

Halloween 2015

Yes, Halloween is tomorrow! Are you excited? Ready to get your freak on? 

No? Me either….

This year we didn’t even bother to get the Halloween decorations out. Sure, we made a quick trip to the pumpkin patch with our Girl Scout troop a few weekends ago. This is where I paid $12 for a pumpkin. Ironically, that “special pumpkin patch” pumpkin was trucked in and placed there by a farm employee; it wasn’t grown there on the spot like everyone wants to believe. So I guess we know who got “Tricked”, right? Just me and my wallet, that’s all.

Our family did however, want to carve a few pumpkins (so we can at least pretend we care about Halloween).  We went ahead and purchased a few more pumpkins at the local grocery store which is a mere 2 minute drive from my house. That 2 minute drive was in comparison to the 30 minute drive I had previously done for my $12 pumpkin. And guess what?  The pumpkins at the grocery store were $4 each.  Yes, my $4 grocery store pumpkin was the same size as the $12 “farm/pumpkin patch” one.
I know, it is all about the “experience”, right?  Everyone wants to drive 30-40 minutes, walk around a muddy field, look at a bunch of dirty pumpkins, carry the dirty pumpkin, buy the pumpkin, overpay for the pumpkin, and then drive back home for another 30-40 minutes.

My daughter is actually into carving pumpkins and turning them into Jack-o-lanterns. I was pretty impressed with her ability to slice and dice up these pumpkins.

Now the pumpkins are carved and ready to be kicked in by some teenager’s shoe on Halloween tomorrow night. We strive to make it a pumpkin smashing good time!

  

6th Grade Camp and the Worthless Advice Blogger Colide!

Let’s Whip Out Some Blog Posts!

Sorry my dear readers…but I write my blog for fun…it’s not a job. I just check in to see that I have really slacked off in the blog posting schedule. I have no excuse other than the fact that I am lazy. Sure, I could say I have been busy (and I am honestly busy) but if I say I’m lazy, people understand.

My daughter finished up her elementary career in June and will head to the middle school this coming fall. In my last blog post, we were headed off to 6th Grade Camp. Most of the 6th Grade parents were happy to have 6th Grade camp reinstated after a four year absence. Why did 6th grade camp disappear? Four years ago, one of the 6th grade teachers decided she didn’t want to do 6th grade camp anymore. Some of the 5th grade teachers volunteered to take her place but she put up quite the fuss about it. And thus we had four years of no 6th grade camp. She finally moved to another grade level to teach and our new 6th Grade teachers wanted to do camp.

We were able to attend 6th grade camp if we had enough parent volunteers. As you can imagine, I volunteered to do it. I’m lucky because my career is somewhat flexible and I can do volunteer assignments.
I was assigned to a group of 6th Grade boys; which overall wasn’t too bad. Keep in mind, the 80/20 rule of good behavior versus bad behavior applied to my group; most of the kids were good but some didn’t think that they should be good. I feel sorry for them…they now belong to me.

You have to remember, I’m a tad bit sarcastic. If you are a good kid, maybe shy, I’ll be a nice guy. But if you are a little punk, I will shut you down and give you a very good dish of your our own medicine. I will make you question why you bothered to open your mouth in the first place.

Two of my little minions, were a little on the tough side to handle. One got up three times a night to go to the bathroom. I seriously think he had a bed wetting issue. The other one was a follower of the first one. He probably would be fine if he didn’t hang out with the bad seed and have to impress him. Funny, how it all comes down to that “one” kid that is a problem; if we remove him, we remove 80-90% of the problems.
Just like society in general, we have a few people who make it awful for the rest of us.

More on 6th Grade camp in the next blog post!

Happy Mother’s Day! A message from your favorite Worthless Advice Blogger!

A Happy Mother’s Day to all the awesome moms that take the time to read my blog; I do appreciate you taking the time away from your kids to read my words of wisdom (or rather my Blog of Worthless Advice). Of course, by reading your blog you are really just learning how to be an even better mother than before, right?
Well, it probably has been a month since I last posted something; which is just plain awful. I was swamped with work (and still am) so I’ve put a lot of projects on the back burner. Then, when I do have free time, I’ve been working on Boy Scout projects or hikes. In fact, last month we did a service project and managed to get in a hike. I’ve decided to include my Girl Scout troop in on these hikes and the girls do just. Our last hike was on May 2 to Taylor Mountain here in King County. I thought it was going to be between 3 to 5 miles but we logged in 8.65 miles on a wonderfully sunny Pacific Northwest day! You can’t complain when you get a great hike in!
I’m still behind on my work, but I’m fairly confident, I can catch up this week. Of course, this is what I say every week. But again, I think I can do it this week. It’s all about positive thinking, right?

Twin Falls State Park Hike – North Bend, WA

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Twin Falls in North Bend….no one fell in so the hike was a success in my book!

The semester ended for our kids this past Monday so the whole school district has to let the kids off for the day. I’m not sure if my kids really go to school for a full five days in a row. What, with all the holidays, late start days, etc. my kids never seem to go to school for a full week.

Wait children….

However, we aren’t here to complain about the state of our education system. Instead we are here to chat about another great little hike here in the Seattle area. It is the Twin Falls Hike off of I-90 in the North Bend area. This is a short hike coming in at only two miles round trip.

Of all the years I have live here, I have never done this hike. With all of this great winter weather we have been having lately, I thought we should take advantage of going on an easy hike during the “off season” of hiking. (Die hard hikers would say there is never an “off season”). From what I have read about this hike, it is a fairly popular hike especially during the summer. Consider it is January and we usually have a bunch of rain, I figured this is as a good time as any to do this hike.

Luckily, I checked the trail report at wta.org and learned that there was a washout on the trail to the Twin Falls. This would stop is if we left from the traditional trailhead off of Exit 34. Good thing I check it out before we started our hike. The Wta.org website is an excellent resource for all hikes in Washington State and I highly recommend checking it out before any hike.

We modified our starting point to the Ollalie State Park parking lot off of Exit 38. You start your hike on the Iron Horse Trail for about half a mile until you come to the spur/trail to the Twin Falls trail. The Iron Horse Trail is an old Burlington Northern railroad bed (now a service road) so the downhill grade is mild for about half a mile. The trail to Twin Falls is clearly marked (from the Iron Horse Trail) and you won’t miss it (unless your face is buried in your phone texting a friend).

After you leave the Iron Horse Trail and use the Twin Falls Trail, you will be going downhill for about 3/4 of a mile. Just remember, you will be going down and that means the way back is uphill.

Easy trail down for my hiking partners and myself. In our hiking band, we had my wife, my daughter, and another Girl Scout (and friend) with us. No one complained about the hike so that means it is a fairly easy one for 12 year old girls and 40 year old parents.

For all you math geeks, the different route brings this hike in at 2.5 miles.

Awesome detailed map of where you will be lost. The best part? You won’t have a clue of where you are at!

Overall, this hike is a good family hike and easy to do. We left the Covington area around 2 pm and we’re back to Covington by 5 pm. That included a stop at McDonalds for hot fudge sundaes (for the girls). Hey, I’m working out so I can win the Fat Ass Dads Weight Loss Challenge so I’m skipping that stuff. Well, until I get home…then I pig out and cry into my bowl of chocolate peanut ice cream….

At least Cyndi (my imaginary stalker) cares….

See those two dots? Those would be the kids I’m suppose to be in charge of.

Well, Everyone made it back from Pinnacle Peak Hike – Dr. Martin Luther King Day

While the folks back on the East Coast are battling snowstorms, we have had sunny, clear weather with temperatures into the high 50s and low 60s. The bad part about all this warm weather?   The freezing level has skyrocketed up to 10,000 feet and that translates into no snowshoeing for us in January! Yikes! Normally we wouldn’t do this lower elevation hike (at this time of year) because I would much rather get out in the snow.  It’s winter, we want to see some snow!

So last week, instead of a snowshoe hike, we hiked up Pinnacle Peak in Enumclaw. My hiking partners this billy goat trip were my 12 year old daughter and two of her friends. All three happen to be part of our Girl Scout troop and I wanted to see if this would be an age appropriate hike and skill level for them. As it turned out, they didn’t have any problems keeping up with me.

Pinnacle Peak is part of the King County Parks system. It is a short hike (2 miles round trip) and starts at 800 feet elevation and ends at 1800 feet elevation. Since the weather has been fairly nice, the trail wasn’t as muddy as it could have been this time of year. I wore my Merrill walking shoes and didn’t get them too muddy. There were a couple of slick spots but nothing that deter us from reaching the top in a timely manner. Here’s the link to the Pinnacle Peak map PDF

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Success at the top of Pinnacle Peak!
Success at the top of Pinnacle Peak!

One thing I neglected to do on this hike was to track the time we were on the hike. I do know that we left Kent around 2 pm and returned by 5 pm. That includes stops in Enumclaw at a chocolate shop and a stop at Kelly’s Latte Stand.

Do you have any favorite hikes you’d like to recommend?  Leave your tips and advice below!

End of the Year….

Jeez, another year has whipped by and we are here on the edge of 2014. I could sit back and reflect upon all the events of the past year but that is what Facebook is for. I didn’t write a holiday newsletter because of that. Good old lazy me won out, no newsletter for you because I’m lazy.

I also won’t be making any New Year’s Resolutions. Improving yourself shouldn’t be limited to the beginning of the New Year. If you want to make a positive change, nothing beats the present time as the best time to do it. Make the change today; right now. Don’t wait. If you want to lose ten pounds, work out today. Start today. If you want to start a new business, do it today. Think up a clever name and logo, send it in to the state government and start your business.

Maybe you want to have ice cream for breakfast?  Go for it…enjoy.Ice cream...it isn't just a breakfast treat!

The Holidays are here…Are You Ready?

I have to admit, I don’t feel stressed out about the holiday season…yet. We have all the parties scheduled on the family calendar and my wife has figured out the gifts for the kids. I was even proactive and purchased my wife’s Christmas gift for her this past week (a week ahead of schedule). I have pretty much given up on guessing what she wanted about ten years ago. I ask her to create a list for me so I can avoid feeling like an idiot on Christmas morning. Honey, you don’t like the gun rack I got for you? Camo ain’t your favorite color for a nightgown?

Some wives would say “You should know me by now and know exactly what I want”. Really? Isn’t that a recipe for disaster? Would you trust your husband?  This is the same guy who burns water and can’t cook a hot dog correctly.  I know who I am: I’m a moron when it comes to gifts and presents. My wife is way too smart to leave her present up to chance. She knows I am clueless when it comes to gifts. Sure, you can buy your wife a new car, a diamond necklace, or maybe even plan a trip to Kauai and you would be safe. But can a husband really think what his wife wants? No, he can’t. Those gifts are fool proof. Who wouldn’t want those things?

Yes, I’m safe and sane when it comes to the gift department. Why try to disappoint my wife? She doesn’t deserve to be disappointed (seriously, being married to me is already a disappointment). Let her enjoy Christmas morning with a gift she really wants. The wish list makes life so much easier and safer. Of course, I must admit those fuzzy Hello Kitty bathroom slippers would look pretty good on her feet….

Enjoy your day!

Kevin Hellriegel
Merry Christmas!

Welcome Back Gray Skies: Just in Time!

It is a nice gray skies here in Seattle (actually I live in a ghetto suburb next to the garbage dump and local meth lab) and we seem to be out of our deep freeze. My pond hasn’t quite defrosted but we will have rain and some windstorms this weekend. This weekend is going to be a sports weekend for me. I have the Pub Night (Guy’s Night Out) to the local Seattle Thunderbird hockey game on Friday night, then the University of Washington Husky Football game on Saturday evening (kick off at 7:30 pm), and finally a Seattle Seahawks game on Sunday. Luckily, Sunday will a “stay at home day and watch the game” event. I like the comfort of my living room with the family around. The old living room is warmer and the food and drinks are cheaper. Plus my wife is an awesome cook so we usually get a stellar meal out of the deal.

Any bring plans for you guys out in blogger land? Any patios to build, leaves to rake?

This is Boy Scouts, not Whiney Scouts!

Yesterday, our Boy Scout troop hiked through the Ape Caves. This isn’t the easiest of hikes, nor is it the hardest of hikes, but it is a hike. You will be walking, climbing, scrambling over piles of boulders, and getting wet. Now, my Boy Scouts took all of this in stride. However, we had some visitors (age 11) from a local Cub Scout pack with us. The Cub Scouts were fine, it is their adult leader that was a pain.

One situation that sticks out in my mind from yesterday’s hike was climbing the lava fall (like a dry waterfall). It is an eight foot wall (drop) and we were climbing up it. To be honest, if your kid likes to climb trees or climb the playground structure at his local elementary school, he can climb this wall. My Girl Scouts could climb this wall (disclaimer: My Girl Scout troop is pretty much fearless and they do an awesome job. In fact, they do a lot of things better than boys. That is for another blog post. And there is nothing wrong like “throwing like a girl”.)

So Mr. Gung Ho Webelos Leader gets to this wall and says “Oh, we can’t climb this. Looks like we need to turn around.” What? I don’t think so. We don’t give up because of a small wall. We passed little kids in this lava tube cave that made it up and down this wall. We passed people that had extra padding on themselves (they were overweight) and they made it up and down this wall. You bet your candy ass, we are making it up this wall.

Sure some of the younger scouts were a little scared but nothing to the point where they were having an epic meltdown. They were frightened but nothing to where we needed to turnaround. Using the EDGE method (Explain, Demonstrate, Guide, Enable), we allowed the older scouts to go up, then some of the younger ones, and finally the fat ass old adults.😄

We helped the Webelos Scouts up and they didn’t have a problem making it up. Sure, it might be a little scary but you don’t give up. Overcoming a little hurdle makes a big different in helping to build their self esteem and demonstrating that teamwork helps to accomplish your goals.

You also have to push your child sometimes. A little motivation from older Boy Scouts and other leaders (other than your parents) can be helpful to get over those whiney moments. A little push in the right direction never hurt anyone.

So what happen to the scouts that were a little afraid? They all made it up the wall. Five minutes later the fear of the wall was a distant memory and they were scrambling over the next pile of rocks.

I asked the scouts afterwards “Did you have fun?” This is when they all broke down, started crying uncontrollably, and said they hated me and Boy Scouts. They screamed and asked in their high pitched voices (between all the sobs and sniffles), why I made them do it.

I didn’t wait for an answer, I just turned and walked away. Jumped in the Green Van of Doom and drove myself home. Bye, bye whiney scouts!!

Some other data from the cave hike: we had six Boy Scouts ranging in ages (12-15), three registered Boy Scout Adult Leaders, a Webelos Leader, and three Webelos scouts (ages 10-11). It took our little band about 2 hours to go through the Upper Ape Cave. We started at the lower entrance and exited out thought the upper entrance. Due to recent rain, the cave/tunnel is wet and there is a lot of water dripping. Be sure to wear waterproof clothes to stay dry. Temperatures in the caves average 42 degree F year round. A single person or a group of two (in reasonably good health HWP) could probably whip through the tunnel more quickly. The hike back is very easy. Make sure you take two sources of light (headlamps were better than flashlights), extra batteries, etc. No food is allowed in the caves.

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