Why I hate my customers…

I don’t always hate my customers but sometimes they just make it so easy and I just can’t help myself.  It seems that people just try to be stupid.  They want me to be upset with them.  Most people who contact me, do need help and the problem is easy to solve. I do school photography; I don’t sell rocket boosters for NASA.  It’s pretty easy.

However, the other day, someone emailed me about my school retake policy. They asked “Do I have to pay for retakes?”
Gee, maybe if you actually read the Retake Policy (that is right in front of you, you know, the one you are holding in your hand), then you would know the answer.  It is right there, in black and white, clearly printed in easy to read text that says “Retake Policy”. What does it say? It says all retakes are NO CHARGE. It goes on to further explain that for whatever reason, no matter what, we will do a retake at NO CHARGE.  We won’t charge you at all!  If you had bothered to actually read the policy, then you would be wasting my time with your stupid question. It’s not that hard, you had to read the back of the photo envelope to find my email address and there is a bold headline that says “Retake Policy”. It’s really easy to see.  If you had given a shit then you would know that.

The other customer I hate is the one that sends me an email but doesn’t bother to give me any information about the situation or leave a contact phone number or email address. Just yesterday, someone used Square to send me a message. She got the wrong photo packet, and asked could I send the correct one to the school? She left her name on the Square message but she doesn’t accept a reply message on Square. (I guess that is an option on Square).

So all I have is her name.  I don’t have her phone number, I don’t have her email address, and I have no way to get a hold of her because she chose the Square message option where she won’t accept reply messages.  I can’t reply back to her.

Sure, I’d love to help you get the right photo packet, but could you make it a little harder?  Can you make my job a little more difficult?

I have no clue on what school her kids attend.  It could be anyone of my 30 different accounts.  Which kid needs the correct photo packet?  

The third customer I talked to said both her kids got the wrong packet. She said she ordered 1-8×10 for each kid. You know what? She didn’t. I looked up her original form and she filled out both of them incorrectly.  Not once but twice.

It’s crap like this that makes me hate my customers.  I’m pretty sure they do it on purpose.


Why I hate Grocery Stores, Children, and Old People

Yesterday, my wife convinced me to go to the local grocery store to purchase ingredients for dinner.  Normally, I don’t mind making a quick stop at the grocery store because I’m fairly familiar with the store layout and I’m in and out in a few minutes. Well, on a normal day, I would have been in and out. Yesterday, it was POURING down rain (I know that is a major surprise in Seattle), the store was unusually crowded on a Saturday afternoon, people were parking like dumbasses, and I was in a (slight) hurry.  All of these factors mean that my trip would be doomed from the start.

Please note, I’m middle age myself and I go with the flow. Some might call me old. I don’t get upset with traffic; I just accept it. I know that it does no good to rush around the store just to gain 30 seconds, push old folks out of the way, and get out of the store just a little faster.  It doesn’t work to be a jerk.

But then again, maybe I should have rushed because the other customers in the grocery store were just pissing me off.

I just want to tell people: “Please, just move your cart out of the way. I’m just trying to buy some tomato sauce.”  It isn’t that much of a challenge to be courteous to other shoppers, isn’t it?

“Oh, please, could you walk a little slower for me?” This is what I’m thinking to the old guy in front of me…I know that is terrible but he was weaving back and forth.  Just pick a lane, please, pick a lane before I shove you into the potato chip display.

Then, I have to deal with a guy that parks his grocery cart in the middle of big aisle. It wasn’t a small side aisle. It was one of the major aisle where everyone walks through. This aisle is already blocked by the grocery store’s dairy employee’s huge cart, and then I have to watch another grandpa slowly pushing his cart with his granddaughter in tow (who just stared at me like a zombie).  I know she was thinking “Hey, I don’t care that your wife sent you to the store, you are on toddler time now.”  All I can think is that I’m just want some French bread…just MOVE!

So I get my bread, I’m headed to the check stand and there are four checkers. Yes! I can’t do the 15 items or less line; that’s ok. I pick a line. And now Murphy’s Law kicks in. My line turns out to be the slowest line.

Side note: I usually pick a male cashier. They tend not to talk as much as female cashiers and their line moves faster.  This theory was proven wrong yesterday.

Mr. Chatmaster Chad decided he would scan an item, comment about the item, chat about the item, then finally give the item to the bag boy to actually put in the bag. I was totally tricked and deceived. As the other lines zoomed by, I just stood there. I knew I should jump lines but I was in that state of denial.  You know, that thought that I was almost there, so close, my items almost to the scanner…almost….there…  Chatmaster Chad can’t possibly go any slower, right?

I’m pretty sure Chatmaster Chad found a way. The discussion about that cool new microbrew? It happened.  I’m pretty sure my teeth were ground down a bit more just standing there.

I know. I’m a horrible person. This situation isn’t that bad. But I just wanted to tell them to shut up and get the transaction done.  I just wanted to go home.  I wanted to get my groceries and get out of there.  Does that make me a terrible person?  Probably not.  I was calm and didn’t throw a temper tantrum.

Don’t you love long lines?  I know I do!

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

Why I’m changing my kids’ names to Names of Prescription Drug!

Recently, I’ve discovered I have made a terrible mistake by naming my children just plain, old normal names.  How will they ever stand out in the world with average, run of the mill, names? Sure, they could change their names later on when they are old enough but why wait?  Let’s do it now!

Think of all the neat drug names that could belong to your kids.








As you can imagine, the list is endless! I really have only looked at the A’s and names I remember from some vague TV ad.  But all of these fantastic names are just waiting to be used!!  I really have only scratched the surface with potential names in which to express my child’s uniqueness and individuality.

Since we are on the topic of TV ads, I’ve noticed no matter what the drug is, the TV ad is tailored to make sure you know that this drug will make you appear normal to everyone else.  You have an unsightly third eye? Just take some buxtinlininepo! (Not a real drug for you people with a third eye…which would make you a space alien).  Side effects may include vomiting, projectile diaherra, excelarated heart heart, dizziness, laziness, fatness, heartlessness, and funny spots on your face. If you die, please discontinue this medication.

Every drug on television comes with scary ass warnings.  So in my mind, I think: Well, if I had that disease, and I could live with X side effects, would I do it? And in mind, I do the mental checklist, and I think “yeah, I could handle that”. Maybe it’s a itchy rash or my left earlobe swells up for a bit, but sure I could handle it. Sometimes the side effects are “death may occur” and I’m not ok with that. Heck, I guess we all have to weigh the positives and negatives, right?

I believe the best part of my new prescription drug name idea is that it will become a fashionable trend and I will be a trendsetter for a brief moment!

Hold On…I’m busy designing my vacation home!

Sure, not everyone has the time to design an amazing vacation home like I do. But then again, most people have real jobs and work for a company that wants them to produce a measurable amount of productive work. I, on the other hand, am a slave to myself and, frankly, my own worst nightmare as a boss.  I show up late, watch funny cat videos (with my co-worker Mr. Whiskers), and drink on the job (while operating heavy machinery). Well, if you count my desktop as heavy machinery….

So you can imagine how I quickly jumped onto the chance to read a recent article from The Washington Post titled “Three Tips to Avoid Headaches when designing a vacation home”.  I won’t ruin the article for you but the first tip is to be wealthy enough to afford a vacation home you can design.  That wasn’t one of the tips but it should have been because who has a the time and money for a vacation home?

Now, I have designed numerous vacation homes in my mind, and have even made drawings in my sketchbook (of lost hopes and broken dreams) so that I don’t forget my ideas. My designs vary from the recycled 20 foot ocean crossing storage container home, to the midrange 1000 SF cabin, to the 5,000 trilevel overlooking Lake Chelan.  In fact, half of my future vacation home will be a “man cave” in the style of industrial chic while the other half will be whatever my wife wants. Really, we both have to live there together so I have to be sure to make her happy.  Because we know if she isn’t happy, then I won’t be happy.

My next thought is: Is this a “vacation” home or my “retirement” home?  Are they one in the same?  Because I basically hate people, I would like a home out in the middle of nowhere.  A small town or city feel to it.   I really don’t want to be social.  One other idea: I’d like to have an outbuilding that is a simple Japanese style dojo. Which then makes me wonder if I should have a home with a courtyard in it and thus more in the style of an Asian country home. 

As an introvert, living in a rural setting would suit me fine.  Yes, I do like to hang out with dear friends so my vacation home will need a few guest bedrooms. Or better yet, cottages for guest to visit.

In the meantime, I’ll work and see if I can’t finish the rest of my working career.

What is the Purpose of YOUR blog?

As I was whipping through my WordPress Reader, I noticed a couple of blog posts that I wondered about. One was a blogger who’s blog and posts were being copied and posted by a copy cat (as their own). 

Here’s the link: Dear The Girl Copying My Blog…

Dear the girl copying my blog: http://missamrunaway.com/2015/10/06/dear-the-girl-copying-my-blog/

As you can imagine, the author/blogger was pretty upset about it.  Who wouldn’t be? I don’t mind the repost of a blog post I’ve done (heck, I encourage that…my blog needs all the help it can get) but just a straight copy job seems just crazy lazy to me.  What is the point of even having your own blog?  It’s not yours at all.  The pictures, text, and writing style aren’t even you!

I like my blog to reflect my writing style and dish out worthless advice to my five followers (three of them are my cat Mr. Whiskers, my mom, and my imaginary stalker Cyndi). Worthless advice isn’t easy to write about because it naturally envolves into awesome advice from a wise old, middle aged, extremely good looking guy.  I have all sorts of life hacks and tips to get you through your day; stuff that really matters.

  • You know, like making your sack lunch the night before you go to work so you don’t end up running around like a crazed manic in the morning.  You’ll have a better lunch instead of a cracker with cheese wiz and a leftover two star Chinese restaurant fortune cookie.
  • Or making a big batch of green tea for yourself instead of stopping by Starbucks and buying it for $3+ a day. Of course, if Starbucks is your only social outlet, by all means, stop on by and buy the barista’s love with a big tip.  If you are a guy, you might want to visit the bikini barista.
  • Worried about what to wear for that important presentation tomorrow? Lay your outfit (and your crybaby feelings) out the night before….cat hair is optional once your cat figures out you made a new bed for her.  I would suggest the Hello Kitty pink power suit you got from Macy’s last week.

See? Another three great tips when I was trying to give you worthless advice.  I can’t help myself.

Good luck on your Sunday!