Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

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Gravatar Portraits: How Sexy is too Sexy?

I think I need a sexier Gravatar portrait on my blog.  The one I have is way too boring for all the witty comments I make.

Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar with your Gravatar photo, it is usually the photo that appears when you make a comment on a blog.  It’s not like I’m a blogger expert, so this advice might fall into the “I’m right 97.9% of the time” category.

Visualize this: Me in a minivan with my bald head shining brightly, wearing some really cool looking shades, and the summertime Aloha Shirt.

Sounds pretty awesome, huh?

That would be the typical middle aged father you never wanted to become but because time marches on, you have become.  Unless you are a woman.  Then that picture became a whole lot stranger.

A couple of problems I have with my upcoming portrait that need to be addressed.


We don’t have a minivan. Sure, I could borrow one.  I’m hoping someone I know has a real weird color.  Maybe a pink or bright red one…with a racing stripe on it.  Now, that would be cool.  And flames on the side with custom rims and low profile tires.

Bald Head:

This I don’t have a problem.  I really haven’t had hair on the top of my head since 1996.  However the shiny part will be hard.  I live in Seattle and we don’t get the sun shining out much expect for ten days in August.

Cool Looking Shades:

Again, in Seattle we don’t have a lot of sun so finding sunglasses might be hard.  However, I do have some really neat looking safety glasses that might work.  Of course, I don’t want to look like MMA fighter either.

Aloha Shirt:

I’m from Hawaii so this isn’t a problem.  My real problem is which one to wear; that will be the hard part to decide upon.  Do I go with the casual business style Aloha shirt or the obnoxious tourist style shirt from Hilo Hatties?  The casual business style is more professional and won’t make me look like a dork on vacation.  But clearly the obnoxious Aloha shirt will scream out to others that I am a fun loving blogger.  Yet will the obnoxious Aloha shirt makes my witty comments less effective because I look like a clown?  Then there is the whole issue of how many buttons do you undo on the shirt.  Do you go with all but the top button buttoned up?  Do you go with a few buttons unbutton?  Or do you really “man it up” and leave all the buttons undone, letting your massive muscular chiseled chest with rock hard abs glisten in the sun?  This Aloha shirt issue is pretty complicated.

So you see my new Gravatar photo is something I really need to think about.  The planning process itself might take weeks, perhaps even months.  In the meantime, I’ll leave you will this new Photoshopped photo of me.

7453 Kevin Yellow

As always, your witty and sarcastic comments are welcome.  I still am waiting to hear from you.

Really, you have time to leave a comment….just go to the bottom of this post and add something…make me feel like I have a reader besides my Mom and my imaginary stalker Cyndi!

11 responses to “Gravatar Portraits: How Sexy is too Sexy?

  1. W. R. Woolf February 15, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    Your Gravatar photo will be exactly the right amount of sexy, I’m sure 😉

  2. yourothermotherhere February 15, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Too funny!

    Go with the Aloha shirt unbuttoned. It says “I’m sexy and I mean business!” I’d write more, but with your mother reading this, I’d better not.

  3. shayna February 15, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    LOL! You crack me up. Yes, I took the time to read your blog and enjoyed it. 🙂 P.S. I guess I haven’t seen you for awhile as the last time I saw you, you did have hair! 🙂

  4. kerbey February 15, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    put a hat on: a ballcap (not sideways or backwards) or a trilby (an Australian blogger taught me that word last week) or a Cuban revolution hat a la Fidel Castro. unless you are Tom Selleck, i don’t see how you can pull off the aloha shirt, which looks like a middleaged schlub boarding the Love Boat to me. but i guess if you DID live in Hawaii, it’s legit. i think the chartreuse in your current gravatar is unsettling. but what do i know? i’m a loaded baked potato.

    • Kevin February 15, 2013 at 2:34 pm

      Hmm, the hat is always a tough one to pull off. However, in regards to the Aloha Shirt, you can see why I want to lean towards the business style of Aloha Shirt.

      And since I lived on Kauai and graduated from Kapa’a High, I kinda of get a free pass on Aloha wear. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

      And your Gravatar portrait is making me hungry….

  5. Teri February 15, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Cute! Love the Tie- but not as sexy as the pirate shirt!

  6. chris9911 February 15, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    haha, guess it depends on what type of attention you want.

    • Kevin February 15, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Well, I don’t want the drug crazed Hollywood style attention…well maybe a little. More of the “Damn, that guy is so funny AND handsome! I hope my wife doesn’t run off with him!”. That’s the kind of attention I want….is that so wrong? Hmm, my wife and imaginary stalker Cyndi might think so. Thanks for visiting and commenting!

  7. goingtogermany0693 February 16, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Minivans are too cliche and bald heads are becoming cliche too, even if you have no control over the latter. How about you on your kids bike wearing a fez or a scarf to accent one of your aloha shirts. Or maybe you might want to spruce up your background with repeating aloha shirts. The possibilities are endless, just be original.

    • Kevin February 17, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      I definitely like the fez idea but I thought I should connect with my blog readers with the minivan “flashback”. So many people have them…I remember our minivan so fondly and the road trip to Disneyland. Darn, me and my return to a sedan!

  8. Jaime February 17, 2013 at 5:48 pm

    The choice of apparel is obvious. You’re an artist, aren’t you? A paint splotched shop coat for color, one of those gloppy head covers that artists wear, also splotched with many colors, and Granny Glasses to make you look intellectual. Finally, a palette on your left arm, a paint brush in your right hand, applying finishing touches to the Mona Lisa. Forget the van–unless it’s a Volkswagen.

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