I want to be a Self-Help Guru!
I recently started a new audio book titled “Bright-Sided How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America” written by Barbara Ehrenreich. Since I just started this audio book I can’t give you a detailed review, however, I can say that it makes me want to become a self-help guru! The self-help guru industry is probably a great place for me to use my talents as an delightful individual to spread my unique style of sarcastic self-help. And I can create a media empire in the process and get rich too!
Think of the endless possibilities that await me as a sarcastic self-help guru! I have the perfect “unhappy” foundation in which to build upon my self-help guru career. Even if my life history isn’t as sappy or depressing as it could be, I can still spin a great tale of childhood misery to make a go of it as a self-help guru.
I can talk about how deprived I was as a child growing up in middle class suburbia. Please allow me to tell my tale of woe….when I was in elementary grade school, my parents didn’t buy me the all “too cool” Atari game system. All my friends and enemies had the Atari game systems with Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Frogger….but I had nothing! So what if I had every Lego set they made and I lived in a nice house….I am still scarred to this day with the knowledge that EVERYONE had an Atari and I didn’t.
Oh, and the vacation trips I never took…..where should I begin? How am I going to heal the wounds of never going to Hawaii until our family moved there? I’m still in pain (which gives me the emotional background to be an awesome self-help guru!).
Should we be talking about my emotional struggles of not getting a new bike when everyone else had one? Or the skateboard I never had? Or the new REI backpack for Boy Scouts I didn’t get? Oh, the pain of my terrible childhood. How did I overcome these painful childhood memories? Yet, I can blame my parents for the lack of a wonderful childhood or should I “thank” them for giving me this wonderful gift called “opportunity”?
And I have failures in my adult life which I can parlay into being a “Life Coach”. Oh boy, oh boy! If you really what to succeed, just hire an unemployed, twice divorced, free spirit life coach (that makes less money than you do) to guide you. What is that you hope to accomplish in your life? Hope? I “hope” I don’t puke with a bunch of nonsense! How do you feel about that? I “feel” like you are answering my question with your question. Did you see that? I’m an old dude giving you advice…I’m your “Dad”! Not really, I’m a stranger giving you advice for money. I’m telling you it will be ok…heck I’m a hooker!
Honestly, you know in my mind and in your heart what you need to do to be successful. The hard reality is that life gets in the way of you becoming successful. There is always one more TV show to watch, one more kid to tuck into bed, one more client to email, one more blog to write! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to work towards become successful with written goals. I have goals, I just never write them down! See, another Self-Help guru tip!
In my quest to become a self-help guru, I did intense and extensive research on the internet by visit two websites. I loved this one: http://www.thecheers.org/No-Laughing/article_2903_How-to-Become-a-Self-Help-Guru-Author.html Oh, and let’s not forget this article too! http://www.authorsden.com/visit/ViewArticle.asp?id=28357&authorid=3523
I can’t wait for my “Nine Habits of Successful Living” to become a York Times Bestseller with a book tour, groupies, an appearance on “Oprah”, a series of workshops and programs. Maybe I can do some “good” by appearing on a PBS pledge drive…remember that if you help others reach their goals, they’ll help you reach yours!
As always your comments are always welcome!
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Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 
Hey, Cuz! I like your blog….we see a lot of this shit in Ashland, OR. I feel that I “understand” you in such a deep sense now. I had always thought you were so creative with all your Lego land fantasies, but now I realize you were just deprived of video games. All the German shepards, bunnies, chickens, ducks, and homemade food were just seemingly “wholesome” sidetracks for the real fact that you were not given the “opportunity” to develop and grow in cutting-edge, “real world” standards, especially via video games and computer programs. Ha!
I feel extremely disappointed that because of my lack of video games when I was a child has led me to be a totally and utter failure at playing them now. How am I adequately preparing myself for a zombie and/or alien attack if my video game skills aren’t up to par? Because I was exposed to video games due to my parents lack of love for me, I’m afraid that I’ll end up dying by zombie and/or alien…..
Truly, a sad fate awaits me!
If you’re looking for a helping hand, there’s one on the end of your arm…
Thanks for your comment! Sometimes you just have to look at yourself to know what best works for you in your situation. Drew, how does that make you feel? How is that hand helping you or holding you back?