Cream Cheese

On a recent trip to Costco, I purchase a 3 pound block of cream cheese.  My kids love to have a toasted bagel in the morning with a good dose of cream cheese spread across it, melting slightly.

Hmm, I can almost taste the cream cheese now…in fact, I could do what I did earlier today.  I got the toaster out, sliced a bagel in half, inserted the bagel into the toaster, pushed the lever down, watched the heating elements start and made my way to the refrigerator.  I stood before the  refrigerator, opened the door, and looked for the brand new 3 pound block of cream cheese….only to discover it wasn’t in the spot I left it.


I started looking on each shelf (making a mental note that the fridge is a bit bare) and I can’t find it.  I open the drawers…no cream cheese in the vegetable drawer…no cream cheese in the meat drawer….hmmm…where the heck did it go?

Then it occurs to me that I must have put it somewhere stupid like in the pantry or perhaps in the cabinet above the coffee maker.  I mean, that has happened before, where you misplace a bag of chips or place a can of corn in the wrong spot…so I continue to look for the missing cream cheese.  It is a 3 pound block of cheese; it doesn’t fit just anywhere.  It has to be here somewhere!

After about five minutes of searching, I still can’t find the cream cheese.  Then I remember we had a visitor earlier that day….KOTS!

KOTS has decided to take the cream cheese home with him.  What is he going to do with three pounds of cream cheese?  Spread it over himself?  This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed things “missing” from the house.  At first I thought I just had misplaced some food items or perhaps I just didn’t buy it at the grocery store.  No, I wasn’t losing them or misplacing them.  KOTS had decided that our pantry and fridge was his own private grocery store to raid and take what he likes.  It is very annoying to put it mildly.  I wanted to make a lasagna the other day…gone.  A huge box of  36 pudding cups for the kids’ school lunches…gone.  A nice steak for dinner?  Nope…it’s gone…instead you can have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!  Yum!  Yum!  Eat up kids!

Luckily, our food situation has stabilized and we now have food in the fridge for the time being.  Now, if I could just find those missing chocolate truffles…..

Your own worst bathroom nightmare!

Ok, it has been way too long that I’ve submitted my two fans to my blog and I’m sorry about that.  I could give you all the stupid excuses…I’m busy at work, my kids are taking up all my time, I really like watching Tosh.0 on Comedy Central, etc.

A few of you have been asking about KOTS.  I don’t know if I have mentioned this before but KOTS was asked to leave the house by my dear wife.  Sadly, this was very tough for her to do but it was understandable.  KOTS brought it on himself with his lack of respect and his lying.

So my lack of writing about KOTS has been caused by two reasons: 1) It’s a sad situation and 2) He isn’t around to do stupid things to report.  However, this doesn’t mean he still doesn’t do a tremendous amount of things to generate numerous funny, life teaching situations for all of us to read about.

KOTS enjoys visiting our house for a number of reasons.

We have food, we have heat, we have a working washer & dryer, and we have a nice warm shower with clean towels available.  A visit from KOTS will more or less involve the above items.

We all like warm, comfortable showers and KOTS likes to use ours as long as he possibly can.  Since KOTS has moved out, the bathroom downstairs is clean, has toilet paper, the toilet is always flushed, and there are clean towels available.  KOTS likes to come back to our home and use it as a hotel.  He takes an extremely long shower (without turning on the exhaust fan…flipping a switch is just too tough for him), he doesn’t flush the toilet (ah, that just brings back so many fond memories), and his visit wouldn’t be complete without leaving his wet towel on the ground instead of placing it in the large empty hamper that is located right there in the actual bathroom.  As you can see, we have done an excellent job of making him a responsible adult!

I must admit that my parenting skills do come into question when I write about KOTS and his lifestyle.  It also brings into the “nurture v. nature” debate.  Is one a product of his enviroment or a product of nature (genetics)?  In the case of KOTS, I’m fully going to argue that it is a genetics thing!