Cyndi – My Imaginary Stalker!

As a lazy blogger, I really have to thank Cyndi, my imaginary stalker for helping me stay on task.  I realize that life does get in the way of my blog and I don’t contribute to it as much as I should.  Sadly, this punishes the people who need my wise and amusing words more than anyone else..YOU my dear reader.  So please accept my deepest apologizes when I say I’m sorry for not being able to write as much as I should.

Do I sound like a whiny little complainer?  Oh, my life is so tough and so hard…whine, whine, and more whine.  Actually, if the blog was truly important I’d write in it everyday with my two followers hanging on to every word I managed to spill forth from my humble keyboard.

Hmm, narcissism approaches…or is it the fear that my blog is one of the millions out there that is deadly boring.  Really, what do I have to offer to the average reader besides my charming and sarcastic wit and humor?

I observe that at least Cyndi is a true die-hard reader (even if she is imaginary).  And boy, is she good for the old ego!  She never complains about my work (of course, it would be helpful if she offered a bit of advice once in a while).  Perhaps, I can expand on Cyndi’s life to bring her into more of an active role as a stalker and give her some background in which my other two readers can feel like they know Cyndi.  I think Cyndi deserves a little background and to become a little more human.

I would say Cyndi is in her mid-thirties (hey, she’s my stalker..I can make her into my imagine), she has two children, and a good husband.  She lives in the suburbs and dreams about living in the big city.  She doesn’t want to live in the big city but she dreams about it due to watching too many love stories set in New York City.

Perhaps if I had a novel or something publish, Cyndi could come to a reading…pen in hand.

Ah, enough of building our imaginary stalker Cyndi for one evening.

KOTS gets a job…and gets fired.

Working is hard to do.  It’s even harder when you are KOTS and your stepfather offers you a no-brainer, easy job to do.  Imagine, here is your chance to work, get paid, and redeem yourself before your parents.  You’ll actually have some money and won’t have to beg or steal money from your parents.  You can prove to yourself that you can do something!

What is this dream job?  A small painting job that should keep you busy for a good 5-10 days.  The job is offered to you on Thursday.

Friday…can’t work because you have a supposed doctor’s appointment and a job interview.  Please note: You are a wussy boy who had to physically have his mommy take him to the doctor so that she knew for sure he made it.  Hmm, using a doctor’s appointment probably isn’t a good excuse unless your stepfather has a very bad memory (hint: I don’t).

Saturday…can’t work because he is working at his other (once-a-week) job.  He would have more hours there except, hmm, the manager knows he is KOTS…King of the Slackers and it shows in his job performance.

Sunday…going hunting with his friend.  I call him at 1 pm to discover he is done with hunting.  Hmm, again, another day of working hard.

Monday…can’t make it in because he has another doctor’s appointment and a job interview at 12 noon at the Olive Garden restaurant.  Seriously, another doctor’s appointment?  Really?  And a job interview at 12 noon at a restaurant?  What kind of manager would do a job interview during the lunch rush hour?

Tuesday…has to go to school in the morning, has a second job interview at Olive Garden.  Can’t make it in…

Wednesday…it’s magic time!  KOTS makes it in to work!  Tara, the job site manager, tells him to paint the trim and paint the sunroom.  KOTS quickly gets to work doing…nothing.  He spends ten minutes watching deer outside.  He has to text back everyone that texts him…he is only working…why should he stop texting for something important like work?  You know, that job that is paying him?  Oh, did I mention KOTS had to leave early for some reason…

I stopped by to check on KOTS and after KOTS left, Tara and I reviewed his work.  Tara told me not to have KOTS come back.  I was wasting my money and her time because he didn’t do anything.  He never painted the trim (what was he doing in that room?) and she had to redo the sunroom painting.  KOTS also walked across the kitchen wood floor with wet paint on his shoes.  Yes, more work for Tara to do.  Hmm, at least she’ll get some extra hours in.

That was our job experience with KOTS.  Now he is off working with his dad’s girlfriend’s son (you like that relationship explanation?)  We can only wish KOTS and his boss the best of luck!


The Mess that is known as KOTS’ bedroom!

The other day, I mentioned to my imaginary stalker Cyndi that KOTS (King of the Slackers) had been asked to move out of house.  Now, this has been a long time coming because KOTS hasn’t done much of anything to advance his life.  His dear mother has been at the end of her rope with his behavior.  She kindly told him that he needed to move out.

Now, one of her fears that KOTS would be “homeless”.  Considering that we aren’t the only relatives in his family, it is pretty much impossible for him to be homeless.  Perhaps he could be homeless if he decided not to return to a home that evening.  Certainly his dad wouldn’t let him stay homeless and not offer him a room in his home.  For KOTS to be homeless, it would be his choice not his family’s choice.

Besides, KOTS isn’t into “changes” and “personal improvement”.  For him to make a choice like this is totally out of character for him.  His idea of “personal struggle” is the fact he doesn’t have any clean clothes to wear because he is too lazy to do laundry.  His suffering (or rather the people around him’s suffering) is the stench of his clothes.

This brings us full circle back to KOTS and KOTS’ situation: KOTS is not homeless.  He has a place to live and is doing quite fine without his mommy helping him.

The amusing thing about this whole situation is that our house is no different from before.  He still comes over and eats our food, he still takes showers here (and leaves his dirty clothes and towels on the bathroom floor), and still doesn’t flush the toilet.  It’s like he never left.

The only major difference is that I have taken the huge task of tackling the mess that is known as KOTS’ bedroom.  I’ve been cleaning this mess and it is a very scary mess.  I strongly believe KOTS didn’t know how the washing machine worked, what a garbage can was, or that dirty dishes are supposed to be returned to the kitchen.  I have found things that would make a professional garbage man puke.

I’ve made some headway in the room but it still has the smell of port-a-potty on a hot summer day.  I have managed to wash a good deal of clothes and packed them away for KOTS.  I could pack them away dirty, however, I have a hard time imagining myself doing that.  One bigger mystery is why I’m bothering packing up these clothes when they didn’t matter to KOTS before and they don’t matter to him now.   I found a pile of socks that could have been easily washed and worn again.  Yet they were in a pile just sitting there.

Instead, my socks have been disappearing for a long time and I have discovered where they have gone.  Mystery solved!  Sometimes, I’m so proud of myself!