An Inch Of Milk

I enjoy a nice tall cold glass of milk like the next person as long as the next person isn’t lactose intolerant.  Personally, I need a calcium dose daily to avoid leg cramps in my calf muscles.  I grew up in a home paid for by a self employed small business person so every cost directly affects the success of the household.  At meals, you took only what you could finish because you were taught to stretch the food budget by not wasting food.

I thought I had passed this helpful tip onto my children.  Like myself, my children enjoy milk and pour themselves a glass here and there.  This would be a good thing besides the fact that KOTS (King Of The Slackers) insists on leaving an inch of milk in his glass all the time.

It doesn’t matter how thirsty or hungry he is, KOTS will always leave an inch of milk in the glass.  It has been my experience that most teenagers eat and drink like it was going out of style.  Every time you chat with a parent of a teenager, they always complain that they can’t keep milk in the house.  The teenager will consume it to the last drop much like small children unatteded with a bowl of candy:  nothing will be left.  Not so with KOTS.  KOTS will always, without fail, pour a glass of milk and leave one inch of milk in the glass.  He can’t seem to finish that last bit of milk whether it is glass of milk at a restaurant or at home.

There is no rhyme or reason to this.  It however, is a fact of life much like the rising of the sun or KOTS ability to not find a job.  He will always leave the inch of milk in the glass.  You could question him about it but it is generally a waste of time and energy to do so (remember this is KOTS we are talking about).  He doesn’t know why he does it but he does it every time.  I have the strong belief that is done just to annoy me and to cause yet another tip in the balance of slacker vs. contributing member of society with slacker winning.

Someone could argue it is the nature of the teenager to do something that they know annoys their parents.  This “something” has developed into a habit.  I think it is etched in his personal habits and no matter what, he cannot and will not take that last drink of milk.  You could threaten to pour the remaining milk in his glass on his head and he still wouldn’t finish it.

I pose an economic and psychological question: If KOTS paid for his own milk, would he still leave that last one inch of milk in his class?

One will never now until he moves out in 6 years……

King of the Slacker’s Lastest Adventures

Another day of doing nothing….

I clearly remember that after I finished my first year of college, I was working at a warehouse during the summer full time (after going to school the past year full time AND working full time) and usually got in about 10-11 hours a day of work.  I had to pay my own college tuition, car insurance, gas, and food.  I think at that time I had a pager (no cell phone in those days).  At one point, I had a second job during that summer being a lifeguard for a short summer program.  Now, I tell you to put into perspective when I tell you I really have a very hard time with KOTS (King of the Slackers) not having a job.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he just got back from a very successful year at college studying pre-med and getting a high GPA.  Instead, at 11:25 am, I get to hear a new excuse of “my stomach doesn’t feel good” and another day of not looking for work.  However, I was pleased to discover that his dear mother (my wife) listened to me and told him that IKEA was looking for workers in their restaurant.  He did manage to leave the house after a nice long shower and a good breakfast of eggs, toast, and milk (all supplied by yours truly). Supposedly he headed to the Renton IKEA to apply for a job we had to tell him about.  I’m surprised I didn’t have to hold his hand and walk him across the street to apply for the job.

A lot of KOTS’ (King Of The Slackers) life is based on “supposedly” and “allegedly” doing things that involve improving his life and looking for a job.  Supposedly, KOTS was going to clean his room….allegedly he was going to stop by our friend’s KFC (our friend’s nephew is the manager) and get a job application.  Yet this never seems to happen in his realm of reality.  In the meantime, I still end up paying and getting really, really annoyed.

It wouldn’t be so bad (at least I tell myself this) if he picked up after himself, turned off the lights, put his own dirty dishes into the dishwasher, and just pulled his own weight.  Instead, we get the pleasure of cleaning his dirty crusty dishes and burnt egg on our frying pans.  Even after I tell him to his face in the kitchen that he needs to put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, he ignores me.

What do you think would be a good answer when I remind him to take care of his dishes?  A normal human might say “I’m sorry, I’ll do it” or simply say “thanks for the reminder”.  What do I get out of KOTS?

“My bad.”


Or my favorite “I forgot.”

How the hell do you forget something I told you flipping 30 seconds ago?  If I smacked you across the head with a baseball bat do you think you’d forget that in thirty seconds?  This isn’t rocket science; it’s simply good manners.

Now one would wonder why I put up with this crap.  I really wonder why myself.  Mostly it stems from my love for my wife and my avoidance of having to deal with arguing with my wife over KOTS lack of respect and motivation.  If I was a violent individual, I really probably would have put my fist thru KOTS’ face a hell of a long time ago.

I would argue that to encourage KOTS to actually do something, one must set goals and work towards them.  If he doesn’t like it he can move out.  There is no free ride in this world, even the bus costs you something.  I’m asking for something if you plan to ride the bus.

KOTS’ mother’s fear is that when we actually put our foot down, KOTS will be so upset, he’ll move out.  Her poor 18 year old little boy will be homeless and starve to death if we put our foot down.  She seems to forget that:

  1. His father lives about 60 minutes away and has a house.  Gee, do you think he could live there?
  2. He has numerous friends that he could crash with.
  3. He could actually find a job and rent an apartment with a roommate.

Honestly, do you really think his Dad isn’t going to take him in?  Come on, let’s wake up and smell the coffee.  Let’s shift the burden over to his Dad’s household.  Hell, I’d pay for the moving van on this project.

Until next time my two readers (and Cyndi my stalker)……

Upcoming subjects:

One inch of Milk

Kevin’s Generous Moving Out Offer

Cell Phones and Left Arms

Finding a job is REALLY tough when you don’t even try!

As you know, my stepson hasn’t had a job since he lost his job at Domino’s Pizza for “downsizing reasons”.  With unemployment at 9.5 % here in the Seattle area, it is a tough market.  Mostly likely they discovered he is just a total lazy ass that doesn’t do shit and fired his butt!  Am I being a bit blunt?  Yes, I might be but let’s face it, it isn’t even trying to find a job.  This morning he woke up at 10:44 and had no freaking plans to look for a job.

Now, I know you are thinking “Gee, lay off the kid he’s only been wearing big boy pants for the past 15 years….it’s a hard job market, he’s a loser, and has no experience….etc.”

I have a great deal of stories of how lazy old KOTS (King Of The Slackers) is and how unmotivated he is.  Let’s look at yesterday (Monday) and see how that day in the life of KOTS goes.  It really starts on Sunday evening…

Sunday night:

We (the parents) ask “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

KOTS: “Oh, I’m going to wake up early and head down to Labor Ready to turn in my application”.

The next day, he rolls out of the house (after I wake him up and “remind” him about turning in his application) around 10:20 am, and ends up screwing around most of the day, skatingboarding, and picking up underage teenage girls.  Supposedly he turned in the job application.  He and this new girl watch TV.  During his busy day of not searching for a job, he managed to eat something but heaven forbid that he put his dirty plate into the open dishwasher that clearly has space for his dirty plate.  Really, how hard is it to put a plate into an open dishwasher?  The door is open!  The dishes are dirty, there is a dishing washing soap bottle right there showing that someone had just run out of soap and went to the store to get more!  Why not take the opportunity to put the dirty dish into the dishwasher?  Is it too flipping hard?

I don’t think he was too happy when I went downstairs and told him to go upstairs and put the dirty plate in the dishwasher.  This shit really needs to stop.  He has all the time in the world but can’t keep his room or the bathroom clean, can’t put his dirty dishes away, can’t turn off ANY light in the house, and can’t find a job.  At his age, I was working FULL TIME and went to college FULL TIME.  I paid my own way thru college and I have no empathy for his lack of motivation to get a job.  Hell, I even washed my own clothes, vacuumed my own apartment, and made my own meals!

Really, why would he want to get a job?  He steals money from my business, gets money from his mother, gets a free cell phone from us (oh, he is suppose to pay), gets free car insurance from his dad (that’s another great story), and gets more money from his dad.

In the next few blog posts, I’ll visit a typical day of KOTS, the milk glass that always has an inch of milk in it (it’s amazing!), and much more!  This is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to all the fun stories we’ll explore.  Hang on my two dear followers, it’s going to be a fun ride!

Sarcasm: It just isn’t a late night treat…it’s a lifestyle!

Ok, basically my day starts out with a cup of coffee and not trying to get my wife pissed off at me.  Usually I get one cup of coffee down before I manage to upset the dear wife.  Sometimes, I can get through breakfast in one piece.   Please keep in mind, that my dear wife is under the assumption that I do nothing all day but sit around and watch tv.  Really, do the dishes actually wash themselves?  Do the clothes magically hop into the wash machine and dry themselves?  What about dinner?  Who takes care of the kids?  There is a lot of sarcasm to fit into the day and it won’t happen by itself.

Forgive me, I’m not trying to be a martyr.  I just don’t think the clothes fold themselves.  Heaven forbid that someone fold some clothes while watching tv and drinking wine.  See, that is the type of senseless and unthoughtful comments that get me in trouble.  One could argue that I bring it on myself (however Cyndi my stalker would disgreed) with my lack of self control with respect to my comments.  I really should just keep my mouth shut.

Keeping my mouth shut would be easy…but then my a little piece of me would die.  I’ve tried to tone it down and be less sarcastic but it is hard.  Everyday life brings a well of sacrastic sitautions to take advantage of.  I’m addicted to my sarcasm because it is just so fun and easy to do!  If I didn’t have sarcasm my life would be so boring.  According to this article from the American Psychological Association (APA)., if you don’t understand sacasm then you probaby have some brain damage or trama.  Here’s the link:

Living the Sarcastic Dream and Hello Kitty!

You just gotta love Hello Kitty!  Not really, I thought the idea of Good Bye Kitty would be a great idea…until I did an internet search.  I discovered someone had already created Good Bye Kitty and had a very good job at it.  I almost ordered some of the T-shirts I enjoyed them so much.  Of course, it would be hard to wear the Good By Kitty T-shirt around my six year old daughter and have to answer her questions about why Hello Kitty is dead.  Not a really good Father-Daughter moment.

My ultimate goal:  I’ll develop Emo Kitty or Goth Kitty and create my own brand of Hello Kitty/Good Bye Kitty.  I can have my own  internet store….it will be awesome!