Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

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Tag Archives: misery

What is the Best Time to do Yard work? Never….

With Spring officially here, it’s time to tidy up the yard after winter.  So for the past several weeks, I’ve cut down a cherry tree, trim back my huge rhododendrons, and hacked back my bamboo hedge.  Needless to say, I’ve filled my green waster bin, my neighbor’s green waste bin, and about four extra garbage cans full of yard debris.

We still need to do a few more yard tasks. In the next few weeks, we need to clean out the pool, mow my lawn (I’ll ask my son Hayden to do that and it will take probably three weeks of nagging for him to do it), and do some weeding.

As I’m out in my yard working…you can enjoy a mint and my misery.

Mint

 

Sorry Sir, your T-Shirt isn’t going to survive.

As summer approaches, it is time we assess our T-Shirt collection and we bid farewell to some of our old T-shirt friends.

For women, this would seem like a normal course of action.  That t-shirt was so last week; time to get rid of it..  However, to a man, this is akin to losing a good friend to a random softball accident while playing the nuns of Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow and Misery on a hot Saturday afternoon.  You never think it will happen but when it does: you must say good-bye to a dear friend rather quickly.

You have to understand the simple fact that men love their t-shirts.  They remind us that life can be casual and care-free.  You know, like the time before we had a life full of responsibilities, work headaches, kids, and the crazy neighbors.  A time when you could know that whatever day it was, a t-shirt would be the appropriate shirt to wear for that occasion.  A kid’s birthday party?  T-shirt time! Going out to a club tonight?  T-shirt time!  Attending a funeral for your girlfriend’s great aunt? It’s black T-shirt time!  Hanging out with your friends at the court-house?  It’s T-shirt time!

I recently pulled out a shirt from the dryer only to discover it had holes in the back of it.  Not the arm pits or the front of the shirt, it was the back of the shirt.  It was a sad day.  That t-shirt has traveled many miles….it has been a good friend.  Whether I worn it to bed or out to the local grocery store; it was comfortable friend who was always there for me.  Sadly, no amount of duct tape will spare it from becoming a garage rag.

Here’s to you old faithful friend…I bid you a fond farewell.  May your life as a cleaning rag serve be just as fun as the time we ran our mountain bike up a tree while texting and drinking a Slurpee.  We both know it won’t be fun but we are going to pretend it will be.

Good Bye T-shirt…..

 

Thank You Idiot Parent Dropping off Your Kid at school today; you make my day even more miserable than it already is.

Parent drop offThe last day of school was last Friday and it was the last time I dropped off my spoiled little princess for the school year.  Sure, we should make her walk the half mile to school but we don’t.  We would much rather subject ourselves to the misery of the Student Drop Off Line in the morning.  You would think that after 180 days of dropping off their kids, more parents wouldn’t be complete idiots when it comes to dropping off their kids in front of the school.

Seriously, they have had 180 drop offs.  Can’t they figure this out by now?  But every morning when I drop off my princess, some moron in front of me stops short and plugs up the whole system.  It really isn’t that difficult to figure out that you drive all the way to the end of the semi-circle driveway and then drop off your kid.  You don’t stop at the beginning and let them out.  When you drop them off at the beginning, it stops the whole flow.

See all the free space in front of you?  Use your common sense and move up.  See all the cars behind you WAITING for you to move?   That’s because we aren’t morons and can see that there are other parents that are dropping off their kids too.  We know that we need to move as far up as possible so that the whole system works.  You, on the other hand, are a complete moron who thinks of no one but themselves.

I bet you hate puppies and snowflakes too.

Maybe next year, you can figure out this incredibly easy drop off system.  Until school starts up again in the fall, I bid you a fond farewell.

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