Ah, social media…isn’t it fun? Social media is the prefect way for you to avoid your family and friends. Why should you meet them in person when you can just do all of your social interactions online? Remember, all that matters in life now is how many “likes” you get and how many “Oh, I’m so jealous of your life” comments you receive.
Distance Yourself: If you had any friends, this is a wonderful way to keep them a good distance away from you. Remember when you liked to see people in person and interact with them? No more. Instead of meeting with them at the local bar, just post a photo of your drink. Make sure the drink is artistically placed and the background is out of focus. Preferable you have a tropical background so you get lots of “likes”.
Meeting up with friends in person is so overrated. Stick to drinking at home. By yourself. On your couch.
What about family and seeing them during the holidays? Oh, the dreaded holidays where you are forced to see your relatives for once or twice a year and pretend you like to hear the story about their cat, Mr. Pickles. (Mr. Pickles is nothing compared to my Mr. Whiskers…but we all know that and I’m getting off subject here). How do you deal with your relatives when you are stuck there with them?
Easy…sit on the couch and check your phone every 15 seconds. I mean, you drove all the way over to your Aunt’s house, why actually be “there”. Your body can be there but in reality, we all know that looking at your social media accounts are much more important that actually talking with your relatives. Who cares about that awesome Thanksgiving dinner? Who cares that this might be the last time you see Uncle Milton? (Who really cares about Uncle Milton anyway…you aren’t included in his will).
Post as many photos of the gathering you can so it looks like you are having fun. Remember, social media is here to make others feel bad. You need to make it look like your family gathering is much more fun and exciting than your friend Sarah. (Not that you’ll actually ever see Sarah again since you are going to never physically see her again.) Be sure to add a bunch of fun filters to the images as well.
Bonus Worthless Advice Tip: Always have your headphones on. Listen to some electronic dance music.
Heck, it’s Friday night….time to ignore your co-workers and sit on your phone. Scroll through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter….those are where the real social interactions are happening!
Enjoy your weekend! To make your life easier, just click on the like button below. Make my social media day…and if you want to comment, please go ahead. Make sure your comment makes me jealous that your life is so much better than mine. Thanks…go ahead, make me feel bad.