Category: Humor

I want to be a Self-Help Guru!

~ K ~ 4 Comments

I want to be a Self-Help Guru!

I recently started a new audio book titled “Bright-Sided How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America” written by Barbara Ehrenreich. Since I just started this audio book I can’t give you a detailed review, however, I can say that it makes me want to become a self-help guru! The self-help guru industry is probably a great place for me to use my talents as an delightful individual to spread my unique style of sarcastic self-help. And I can create a media empire in the process and get rich too!

Think of the endless possibilities that await me as a sarcastic self-help guru! I have the perfect “unhappy” foundation in which to build upon my self-help guru career. Even if my life history isn’t as sappy or depressing as it could be, I can still spin a great tale of childhood misery to make a go of it as a self-help guru.

I can talk about how deprived I was as a child growing up in middle class suburbia. Please allow me to tell my tale of woe….when I was in elementary grade school, my parents didn’t buy me the all “too cool” Atari game system. All my friends and enemies had the Atari game systems with Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Frogger….but I had nothing! So what if I had every Lego set they made and I lived in a nice house….I am still scarred to this day with the knowledge that EVERYONE had an Atari and I didn’t.

Oh, and the vacation trips I never took…..where should I begin? How am I going to heal the wounds of never going to Hawaii until our family moved there? I’m still in pain (which gives me the emotional background to be an awesome self-help guru!).

Should we be talking about my emotional struggles of not getting a new bike when everyone else had one? Or the skateboard I never had? Or the new REI backpack for Boy Scouts I didn’t get? Oh, the pain of my terrible childhood. How did I overcome these painful childhood memories? Yet, I can blame my parents for the lack of a wonderful childhood or should I “thank” them for giving me this wonderful gift called “opportunity”?

And I have failures in my adult life which I can parlay into being a “Life Coach”. Oh boy, oh boy! If you really what to succeed, just hire an unemployed, twice divorced, free spirit life coach (that makes less money than you do) to guide you. What is that you hope to accomplish in your life? Hope? I “hope” I don’t puke with a bunch of nonsense! How do you feel about that? I “feel” like you are answering my question with your question. Did you see that? I’m an old dude giving you advice…I’m your “Dad”! Not really, I’m a stranger giving you advice for money. I’m telling you it will be ok…heck I’m a hooker!

Honestly, you know in my mind and in your heart what you need to do to be successful. The hard reality is that life gets in the way of you becoming successful. There is always one more TV show to watch, one more kid to tuck into bed, one more client to email, one more blog to write! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to work towards become successful with written goals. I have goals, I just never write them down! See, another Self-Help guru tip!

In my quest to become a self-help guru, I did intense and extensive research on the internet by visit two websites. I loved this one: http://www.thecheers.org/No-Laughing/article_2903_How-to-Become-a-Self-Help-Guru-Author.html Oh, and let’s not forget this article too! http://www.authorsden.com/visit/ViewArticle.asp?id=28357&authorid=3523

I can’t wait for my “Nine Habits of Successful Living” to become a York Times Bestseller with a book tour, groupies, an appearance on “Oprah”, a series of workshops and programs. Maybe I can do some “good” by appearing on a PBS pledge drive…remember that if you help others reach their goals, they’ll help you reach yours!

As always your comments are always welcome!
http://www.makanacrest.com http://www.kauaiweddings.com

I love Seattle Traffic!!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Kevin Hellriegel

I love Traffic in Seattle!

I love heavy traffic and that is why it is so wonderful to live in the Seattle.  You get a constant stream of cars, trucks, and crazy motorcyclists on the freeway at all hours of the day and night.  There are usually great bottleneck areas like coming into downtown Seattle from South King County and going into Bellevue either from the north end or from the south end.  Since I live in the south end, I particular like either Interstate 5 or Interstate 405 for heavy traffic; it is so fun to be stuck in it!

Why do I love traffic so much?  It gives me more time to listen to audio books!  Let’s face it, if my commute was a few minutes each way to work and then back home again, I’d never get any of my audio books finished.  However, with a 45-60 minute commute to a job site (that’s each way).  I can get through an audio book in about a week or less.  You can’t do that working in your home office.

Sadly, I usually have my assistant with me and therefore can’t listen to my audio books when in the vehicle with her.  It falls into that category of being “rude.”  Besides I can use that time to talk about work and her lousy job performance.  See?  Use that time as reflection period in which to have a daily job performance review?  She certainly is lucky, isn’t she?  Man, I’m certainly a genius when it comes to time management!

Sometimes, she pretends to be asleep but I can usually get her to snap back to attention by slamming on the brakes, screaming and cussing at the other idiot drivers, or playing my music just a little too loud.  You have to have that perfect volume on the car’s stereo where it sounds like the song right before the current song was a soft song.  This gives the illusion that the current song is too loud and that you never touched the volume control.  While in reality, I’ve been switching channels and adjusting the volume up and down in no particular pattern other than to drive someone crazy.

I suppose you could talk about important issues of the week during this commuting time.  However, it is much more fun to have a full blown discussion of why my position is correct and her position is incorrect.  Even if she is correct and I agree with her, I still like to argue from the other point of view.  Debate is a great thing!  And it helps to keep me awake on the drive home.

As always, your thoughts and comments are always welcome!

 www.hellriegelstudio.com

Clutter and Cuddling on the Couch!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Nothing is better than cuddling with your daughter on the couch!

This evening, I had the honor of cuddling with my daughter and watching some high quality TV.  What?  Kevin watching TV when he promotes less TV?  What is the world coming to?

OK, high quality TV is a bit of an oxymoron term but we did have a great time watching the TV show called CLEAN HOUSE on the Style network.  We enjoy this show because it motivates our whole family into cleaning, organizing, and recycling (donating) unused items.  Sure, I’m sitting on the couch cuddling (and not cleaning) however we are discussing the nature of clutter and how to combat it.

Do we have problems in our house with clutter?  Yes, we do.  My garage isn’t too clean.  Underneath the stairs is a storage area and I just discovered it is getting full of clutter (some of that stuff is the kids, not mine).  Our bedroom is fairly clean but the closest does need help.  Perhaps I should get rid of that T-Shirt from 1993.

I fully admit that I need to get rid of stuff.  I have the misguided notion that I need to keep things for tax reasons.  So I have a lot of files and folders for my business in my office.  I carry that over into my personal life but I’m not as organized as I’d like to be in my personal life as I should be.  A better filing system would help to decrease the clutter around the house.

Don’t get the impression that we are hoarders and that our house is just crazy dirty and full of clutter.  We aren’t as nearly as bad as the folks featured on CLEAN HOUSE and no where close to the folks on the show HOARDERS.  Our living room, kitchen, and dining areas are fine.  We are able to use our dining room table for every meal.  We throw out old food in our fridge.  Our kitchen counters are 75% clutter free.  One section does have family paperwork (i.e. clutter) that needs help.  The family room downstairs is the kids’ big playroom and the hobby room both need help.  The problem areas tend to be the “dumping ground” from the other areas of the house.  It is kind of like all of the trash from the Seattle area getting sent off to poorer parts of Washington State.  That might be a good reason why the other areas of the house look good.

However, to be honest, the hobby room does have a great deal of stuff we don’t use.  We have a weight set, a train set, a desk, some shelving, and bins full of Halloween and Christmas decorations.  Heck, we have a very nice elliptical trainer in our family room now one uses.  It is time to start working out with this stuff or sell it on Craigslist.

One tip that I heard and should use (but don’t):

Imagine everything is a pint of ice cream.  When you get that new object, pile of mail, etc. think of it has a pint of ice cream and that you need to take care of it before it melts.  Put it away and take care of it before the piles of clutter accumulate.

 At least I use that above tip for my groceries…..

If you’d like more tips, I’d suggest: http://blog.neatandsimple.com/2009/02/my-top-10-tips.html

 As always, you are more than welcome to leave your comments.

Making money online continues

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Making Money Online

A few weeks ago, I wrote a half-witted blog about making money online and how I was an anti-social nut job.  Well, that isn’t totally true….what I really wrote about was how I was an introvert in an extrovert’s career.  You can click over and read my original post here: https://khellriegel.wordpress.com/2010/11/10/making-money-on-the-internet/

In a quick summary, I wanted to sit home in my pajamas, make money, and not have to talk to anyone face to face in a job environment.

I mentioned this to my friend Russ and he also wants to start making money online as well.  I’ve discovered that I’m now reading about new business opportunities online and “How to make money online”.  Some of these business opportunities are about how to have an auto-pilot business where the money just rolls in while you sleep or eat your Pop Tarts in the morning.  Others take a more serious approach and tell you about how you need to blog, and post, and blog, and post, etc.  When you write and blog you need to build readership and sell ad space.

 Building a readership is very important as well as building an email newsletter list.  It is also helpful if you are SEO savvy as well.

 One important key most people suggest you do is to write from your heart or write about what you know.  However, how many people want to know about me wasting hours of my time writing witty comments on Facebook?  Of course, I could write a blog about how to invest in real estate and see all your equity disappear in the great real estate meltdown.  Or I could write about how to fight depression through releasing your anger and frustration by blogging about it.  Or how to hide your true feelings through sarcasm?  (Now is Kevin joking or is he serious…..) J

 OK, the truth is I’ll keep researching about making money online and keep you updated on how things go.  In the mean time, I’ll continue to work on my photography and do a few real estate deals here and there.

 As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments!

A Birthday Celebration!

~ K ~ 2 Comments

Another year and another birthday!

Now most of you would be thinking that I’d be writing about my own birthday, however, I’m writing about my younger brother Chris’ birthday celebration we had in Burien, Washington.  As most of us agree, time does fly by.  With each passing birthday, it is hard to imagine where the time as gone over the years. The changes in our personal lives continue to amaze me.

Reflecting back on today’s birthday celebration, it was nice to be all together and enjoy each other’s company.  Thanksgiving is only a few days so perhaps that is why I am becoming more aware of the passage of time.  We all get so wrapped up with just living from day to day, hour to hour.  It is extremely hard to get together with everyone’s busy schedule so events like my brother’s birthday mean a lot to me.

Overall, it was a good time had by all.  I was able to see my grandmother, uncle, aunts, cousins, and just relax and enjoy myself.  This morning, my children and I created handmade birthday cards embedded with my own unique sense of humor.  We called them “inappropriate birthday cards”.  My card featured a tale of sadness, death, and despair that it was my brother’s birthday.  My son had people getting killed by street gangs and people being mauled by animals.  My daughter decided to change my brother’s name to “Bob” and warned him to watch out for ninja kittens this evening.  Yes, definitely a bit of humor inserted into your family event makes the party much more exciting.

 The food was delicious, the three cakes were wonderful, and the family being together was a great way to finish the weekend.

It’s a flat tire kind of day!

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It’s a flat tire kind of day!

 My Ford Ranger truck seems to have a wonderful knack of attracting nails, screws, etc and producing flat tires.  In the six years I’ve own my little red Ford Ranger, I’ve had four flat tires.  Today’s flat tire was particular annoying because I was ahead of schedule!  I was doing great; I wasn’t late at all!  Oh right!  I was ahead of the curve.

I got this last flat tire right after I left Kent Elementary this morning.  I heard a clicking, thumping sound as I turned out of the parking lot.  I pulled over in the Starbucks parking lot and I couldn’t see anything at all.  I drove off again to hear the same sound and pulled over again.  This time I did find the huge screw and washer embedded in my rear tire.  I thought to myself at this point that, heck; I can make it home, not a problem. 

I turned the key in the ignition and off I went on my merry little way.  The clicking and thumping continued….then it was gone.  Uh, oh.  That’s not good.  Since that screw isn’t in the tire, it is out of the tire, therefore leaving a huge hole for the air to escape from.  Oh great.  I have only a few minutes before my tire becomes flat and I can’t go any further. 

I manage to make a left turn and then I heard the familiar thumping sound of a definite flat tire, riding on the rim.  Oh joy.

I pulled into a warehouse parking lot and found a nice level spot.  As I’ve said before this isn’t the first flat tire I’ve had or the first tire I’ve changed in my life.  I’m changed flat tires and I’ve swapped out my regular tires for my snow tires.  I’ve taken my snow tires off and put back on the regular tires.  I’m confident that I can change a tire or two.

Now changing a tire for me would be easy, right?  Not too tough of a job for an Eagle Scout, correct?  Easier than making money on the internet or photographing a bunch of preschool students, right?

 I rummaged around and found my jack and tire iron.  Well, I found my new tire iron but I can’t find the old tire iron.  Uh oh.  How am I supposed to crank the jack and get this tire changed?  Then I think to myself: I have a screwdriver and I can turn the jack screw and get this truck up quite quickly.  I can adapt and overcome.  I shall succeed! 

That was wishful thinking.  I discovered that I couldn’t turn the jack screw with a screw driver if my life depended on it.  That screwdriver wasn’t going to be the solution.

I had to find that old tire iron.  I cursed myself for not putting the tire iron in the same compartment as the jack.  Who does a stupid thing like that?  Obliviously I did.  One of my more brilliant moments (if I do say so myself) because I did find that stupid tire iron in the other compartment, not the one where the jack was, the one on the left side of the truck…the one I know I had looked in before.  If it was with the jack that would make prefect sense and you know I don’t like to make sense. 

Now with the recent discovery of the tire iron, I was positive that I could whip this tire change out in no time.  I stuck the tire iron into the jack and turned the screw.  Man, turning the jack was a lot harder than I remembered.  This was going to take forever.

Then it dawns on me that I’m using the wrong piece of equipment!  Inside my engine compartment, under the hood, is the crank I need to make this tire changing job a lot easier.  I popped the hood, took out the crank, insert it into the tire jack, jack up the truck, and changed the tire in ten minutes. 

What could have made this job worse?  It could have been raining.  It could have been dark out.  It could have been dark and rainy.  Heck, I could have been stuck on the freeway with huge trucks whipping by my head.

 To save yourself the same aggravation I subjected myself to, I recommend you have in your vehicle:

  • Cell phone
  • A pair of gloves
  • Flashlight/lantern
  • Jack and tire iron in the same area
  • Extra Food and Water
  • Warm jacket/warm blanket
  • Rain gear
  • Shovel
  • Tool Kit
  • Jumper cables
  • First Aid Kit

 You can never be too prepared especially with winter on its way!  Now get out there and get that vehicle of yours prepared for the winter season.

Thanks for reading my blog.  I look forward to your comments.

1983 Mercedes Benz 380SEL

~ K ~ 1 Comment

This past Halloween, I purchased an old 1983 Mercedes Benz 380SEL.  What drove me to do such a thing?

 I wanted a “hobby” car that was large enough for a comfortable drive, yet, wasn’t too expensive where I’d have guilt purchasing it.  I ended up with “Helga”, my 1983 silver gray, 4 door sedan 3.8L V8 (126 body style) with all working power windows, a working sunroof, working heater, and four decent tires (no spare tire).  I’m not sure about the a/c unit yet.  Helga doesn’t have any dents but she does have some issues inside the interior of the car. 

The previous owner was a smoker so I am washing everything in the car to get rid of the smoke smell.  I’ve washed the carpets, the seats, the headrests, and the roof.  I’ve spread baking soda to soak up the smell and did a Google search on how to get rid of the cigarette smell.  Slowly, it has been working.  Honestly, I’ll probably have to get it cleaned at a detail shop.

 The front seats need some TLC.  The driver’s seat is soft in the seat cushion and is torn.  The front passenger seat also has some flaws.  Ideally, I’d like to replace the bottom portion of the seats.  They are gray and I have been looking on the internet for either used seats or a replacement cover.  I suppose I could put some after market seat covers over the existing seats if I needed to.

Helga has 212,000 miles on her.  She reportedly had a different engine (not sure if it was a rebuilt, junkyard used motor, or a new engine) put in about 35,000 miles ago.  Transmission is a bit rough when she shifts.  Her engine is a little slow to response and she idles a little rough when waiting at a red light or when you first start her up.  It takes her a while to warm up and get going.  For a 3.8 L V8 engine, she doesn’t have much pick up and go.  In fact, she reminds me of my 1983 Mercedes Benz 300D Turbo Diesel (123 body style) when it comes to that pick up and go.  While the turbo did help the diesel, it was still a bit sluggish.

How much did I pay for Helga?  $700.00.  How much is Helga worth?  $700 to me.  However, the State of Washington Department of Revenue thinks she is worth $11,500!  I’m now in the processing of printing up For Sale ads from the internet to get them to be reasonable in their taxation of my car.  The insurance NADA book isn’t much help because their value is up there as well.  When you do look on the internet, this car is hard to find and not many for sale to compare it to.  The 420SEL and 560SEL were the larger and more luxurious models that overshadowed this model.

 Since this is a hobby car and not my primary method of transportation, the car insurance is actually reasonable with rate quotes around $161 to $225 per year.  I plan on driving her less than 5000 miles a year.

Making Money on the Internet?

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Truth be told…I’d prefer to be not talk to anyone during the whole day of work.  I’d like to sit in my comfortable little office, surf the internet, do some work, and not see anyone.  You can safely say I am an introvert in an extrovert’s career.  All of my “jobs” have me taking control and interacting with people to create a livable income.

The deal is…every job I do is that way.  My school photography business is me interacting with a vast amount of people everyday.  Look at my real estate business, again, I must interact with people and sell myself.

Jeez, I much rather sit at home and not have to see anyone.  Email is such a good alterative to seeing people face to face and having to deal with them.

Yet, I enjoy people!  I enjoy my friends and family (to a point).  I like to create a nice family portrait or make a preschool student laugh.  I love to show my real estate clients new properties and tour houses with them.

 What a conflicted individual I am!

So what does this have to do with making money on the internet?

 Well, considering I’d like to be a home body and do projects around the house.  I was wondering if I could have an internet business that produces some income where I make money without having to leave my home.

At this moment, I’m open to suggestions (serious and humorous suggestions are welcome) about possible internet businesses.  I don’t know anyone that makes a decent living or part time living as an internet marketer or entrepreneur so this is a new challenge for me. 

Ideally, I’d like to have an internet business that I can be making money wherever I am located.  If I’m on vacation to Kauai, I want to make some money.  Perhaps I’m in Florida visiting some UW college friends; I want to be making some money off my internet business during my visit.  Let’s face it; I want an auto-pilot business where I don’t have to be there to make the money.

If you know of a real internet business that fits these business goals of mine, please let me know!

Motivational Quotes to get you thru the Day!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Defeat – For Every Winner, there are dozens of losers…Odds are you are one of them!

Everyone’s Favorite Slacker Update

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Yes, it’s a KOTS update!

You’ll be pleased to know that KOTS is currently living with his Dad and still not looking for a job.  Well, he is still pretending to look for a job.  At least, my dear wife can stop stressing out on whether her son will be “homeless”.  As I predicted earlier, KOTS would never be “homeless” because of his loving family.  In all seriousness, this is not a sarcastic statement.  My wife had the misguided notion that KOTS would be living on the streets; I knew that would never happy at this stage of his life (he’s only 19 not 50!).

Really?  Why would I let him live on the streets?  We have a nice warm garage he could crash in.  Heaven forbid, I give up my hobby room (aka his old bedroom) so he could move back in, not pay rent, not look for a job, not clean his room or clothes, and not contribute to the family in anyway?  Is that selfish on my part?  Or am I being selfless by protecting the rest of the family?  Am I not the last guard that stands before the army of defeat?  Besides, we have a wonderful roomy two car garage he can live in.  If he lived in the garage, I could just pop open the garage door and air it out when it got too smelly.  Heck, I could just drag the garden hose in there, turn on the water, and wash everything out to the driveway.

Now if the garage idea doesn’t float by my wife and you other “caring, sensitive” individuals (out there in Internet Never Never Land), as a good idea, I propose we pitch a tent in the backyard.  It is June and the weather is getting quite pleasant.  I remember for two summers as a kid, I loved to sleep in the tent in our backyard in Bellevue.  It was awesome!  Why should I deny KOTS that same priceless experience?  Think of the wonderful memories he would have….waking up with the sun at the crack of dawn, the birds chirping, the soft summer breeze gently flapping the fabric of the tent.  A young man’s adventure in the wilds of suburbia; who wouldn’t want that tale to tell later in life?

Oh, how easy it is for you to judge me and strap the label of Mr. Insensative on me!  I don’t see any of you calling us or emailing us an offering KOTS a place to live.  Where are the calls and the announcement you’d love to have KOTS living with you?  Hmmm?  Why am I merely standing pat in my defense of the homeland with my desire to help KOTS grow up; to let him experience life at a point where he can still correct the course of his life before it is too late!  Yes, this forces him to learn and grow!  Am I a bad parent for wanting the best for him?  For him to grow?  Am I not the better parent than the parent that enables their children to live in the basement for years…to allow them to stagnant in their learning and life experiences?  I argue that I am the better parent for I help to push my child on a course correcting self reflection period.

However, KOTS is not learning that he must push himself to grow.  Instead he has moved in with his father, sleeps in, makes a meager effort to look for a job, and has fallen into the trap of being lost.  He’ll still sponge money off his dad and make no effort to help around the house.  Yet, I can safely say…it’s not my house!