Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice
The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.
Ok, it is January 18, 2012 and I really think it is time for the Christmas decorations to be put away. As I wander around my neighborhood, I notice a few string of lights on houses. Maybe that is OK because the weather is a bit dicey and it is hard to take them down. Sure, they have squandered away the numerous good weather days when they should have taken them down.
However, I just can’t excuse the Christmas tree in the living room. Really? Christmas is over, New Year’s Eve has come and gone, and we even had Martin Luther King Jr. celebrations at school and you still have your Christmas tree up? Did the weather hamper your ability to take the ornaments off the tree? Did the rain keep you from untangling the string of lights from the branches? The tree is inside. There isn’t any bad weather to keep you from taking the tree down. You just have to let Christmas go…it’s dead.
Ok, this is how lame my life has become. I recently received a warning email from the library system telling me that my books I had checked out were due back in a few days. I didn’t remember checking anything out but quickly scanned through the list. Oh, I then remembered, that yes, I indeed had checked out some books and some audio books from the library.
I certainly thought I’d have some time in the evening to read them. I was going to read them to improve my life and enhance my knowledge. I know I’m busy but I was sure I could fit them into my schedule right after I cleaned my office, did some retouching, wrote a few blogs for the new year.
Sadly, the one book I thought I should read and I didn’t crack open until two days ago was: “The Procrastinator’s Guide to Getting Things Done” by Monica Ramirez Basco.
I seriously thought I’d get to that one.
Now, for a limited time you can be part of a select group of owners of this wonderful Christmas Snow Globe. Every time you glaze into this this snow globe, you’ll remember the true meaning of Christmas!
Christmas is a few days away and I have yet to see the Christmas newsletters I love so dearly. Now, the Christmas letter has been given a bad rap over the past few years. People have complained that they only tell the “good things” that happen in their lives or are merely fabrications of an overly drunk mother clinging to the false belief that her children aren’t losers and her husband still loves her.
I don’t believe that. Christmas newsletters should be revered for the author’s ability to make the mundane and average dribbling of a mad person into a work of unrealistic family perfection.
Call me slightly crazy but I actually enjoy the Christmas newsletters for a number of purely holiday cheer reasons.
They allow me the chance to catch up on everyone’s yearly activities. Look, I don’t have time to stalk everyone I know on Facebook and the Christmas newsletter fills in the blanks. Besides, a lot of people don’t update their FB statuses like they should. Yes, I do want to hear that little Billy has taken his first poo-poo in the big boy potty, that Jacob is in the 10th grade, D’Shawn scored the winning touchdown at homecoming, your 13 cats are alive and well, your daughter Uneek is a musical genius, your daughter Alison got her black belt, your Mom is now living with you, you ran over your neighbor’s hamster, and your wife thinks your totally awesome (but you haven’t been married for the past six years).
My life is boring and I need your Christmas letters to keep me from killing myself before Christmas rolls around. I need something to do besides watch old reruns of the Dukes of Hazzard and reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I would like some uplifting Christmas newsletters to read while I drink my hot butter rum and eat my neighbor’s awesome Christmas cookies.
Heck, I know you are a liar. I understand you don’t want to share that your kid isn’t perfect, your father didn’t love you as a child and now you have “daddy issues”, your children hate you, you are working too much, your job sucks, you are lucky/unlucky to have the job you hate, your only joy in life is to read my blog at https://khellriegel.wordpress.com, you lost everything in the some ponzi scheme, and you hate pancakes with strawberries.
I want to still believe in Christmas and read your Christmas newsletter. So please take the time to write out your Christmas fairy tale and send it my way. I really need the help to make it through the holidays!
Sure, the major gift giving holiday is almost here and I have yet to figure out my Christmas card situaton. As a photographer, I usually like to send out a photo Christmas card with a highly entertaining holiday newsletter. Well, in my opinion it is highly entertaining. Needless to say, I don’t have a family portrait for the holiday card, I don’t have a decent newsletter written (the first draft is awful) and Christmas is a mere nine days away.
The New Year’s card option is looking really good right now.
From the seat of my car, written on my phone, I was wish you all the bewt this holiday season!
Ten Great Reasons why I hate Frosty the Snowman!
It is the Christmas season and the wonderful time of holiday TV specials has begun. I like most of the Christmas TV specials like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the Grinch who stole Christmas, etc. However, the one Christmas Special I can’t stand is Frosty the Snowman.
Frosty the Snowman sucks. This is one holiday special I wish was lost forever in the depths of CBS television studios.
Well, most of my neighbors have their holiday lights up on their houses. Even my lame next door neighbors managed to do something this year. I’m a little slow on the draw due to a few valid and extremely good reasons:
That last reason really isn’t a reason as much as a character trait. I really am lazy.
OK, not really lazy but busy. It is the Christmas delivery crunch time for my photography business so between getting all the school retake photos done and finishing up the digital retouching on my family orders; I’m busy.
Tomorrow, we are headed out to a U-Cut tree farm run by Jeff Coates (a fellow UW business student). This will be our first time out there and we are excited to go. Unlike my pumpkin patch experience (https://khellriegel.wordpress.com/2011/10/23/yes-it-is-my-fault-a-pumpkin-patch-adventure/), I’ll be sure to tell my family that in the Seattle, in the month of December, you will most likely be walking through muddy areas and your shoes will get dirty. I highly recommend wearing some good boots. I should further mention that it will be cold (currently temperature is 37 degrees) and they should wear warm coats, pants, and maybe some gloves too.
If I had a radio station, it would be 97.9 because that happens to be the exact same number (in percentage) I am correct. This is probably annoying to a lot of people but it true. If you ask me a question, 97.9 percent of the time, I’ll be correct. In a lot of disagreements with certain members of my household, this proven statistic has been more than once been proven.
Like a wild space time theory that sounds too far fetch yet you know that it might be true, my 97.9% rings true. As the percentage clearly shows, I am not right 100% of the time, merely 97.9% of the time. This isn’t a wild crazy “I’m right all the time” rave. It is a modest, yet true 907.9% correctness factor.
An example of the 97.9% correctness factor:
Wife: “What time are we supposed to be there?”
Me: “6 pm.”
Wife: “Are you sure? That sounds late.”
Me: “Nope. 6 pm.”
Wife: “No, I think you are wrong. I’m pretty sure the invitation said the event starts at 5:30 pm.”
Me: “No, really, it is 6 pm.”
Wife: “Well, I don’t believe you and I’m looking for the invitation.”
Wife proceeds to spend 15 minutes looking through various piles of letters, notes, children’s drawings, and grocery store ads. Finally discovers invitation and says..
Wife: “Oh, you’re right. It is 6 pm”.
Am I always right? No, I’m not. My correctness factor clearly shows I commit errors 2.1% of the time. These errors might be taking the wrong exit, buying the wrong toothpaste for the kids, or saying the wrong name for someone. Minor stuff.
My wife would like to believe I think that I am right 100% of the time. However, we know we can’t be right all the time. We all make mistakes. That is why I tell her whenever she asks me “Are you ever wrong? Do you every make a mistake?” I can clearly point to my 97.9% correctness factor and say “Yes, I do make mistakes; just not very often.”
As always, your comments and links to my blog are more than welcome!
I stumbled upon a pretty good sarcastic blog the other day. http://nickhateseverything.wordpress.com/2011/11/14/nick-hates-blogs/
Now, you know I am trying to be less sarcastic in my general attitude because it is suppose to make me a better person. I won’t hurt anyone’s feeling and we can all get “Participation Certificates” for being alive.
Maybe I’ll get a gold star for writing my blog today.
Or a ribbon for waking up and writing something (at least I didn’t write about my cat today).
Anyway, I like Nick’s rant about the boring blogs out there. Which made me think that I had better step up my game and write better blogs with more interesting topics. Maybe less blogs about my cat Mr. Mittens…..
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Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice 