Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Tag Archives: Wordpress

What is the Best Time to do Yard work? Never….

With Spring officially here, it’s time to tidy up the yard after winter.  So for the past several weeks, I’ve cut down a cherry tree, trim back my huge rhododendrons, and hacked back my bamboo hedge.  Needless to say, I’ve filled my green waster bin, my neighbor’s green waste bin, and about four extra garbage cans full of yard debris.

We still need to do a few more yard tasks. In the next few weeks, we need to clean out the pool, mow my lawn (I’ll ask my son Hayden to do that and it will take probably three weeks of nagging for him to do it), and do some weeding.

As I’m out in my yard working…you can enjoy a mint and my misery.

Mint

 

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Manhattan – My kryptonite….

glass-1183437

Just to be clear, Manhattan, the cocktail drink is my kryptonite.  Not Manhattan, one of the five boroughs of New York City.  Sure, Manhattan and New York City are fabulous.  However, this post is about the drink.

Let’s be frank…I enjoy whiskey and scotch.  So a Manhattan has whisky in it so of course, you know I’ll enjoy it.

Cocktail drinks bring up certain emotions and memories.  One of my favorite memories of the Manhattan cocktail drink is having one with my cousin Stephen in Manhattan.  Stephen is more of a little brother than a cousin.  So whenever I enjoy a Manhattan drink, I think of him.  Manhattan is my signature cocktail drink with him.  A memory to savor, enjoy, and fall back into the depths of my fond memories of New York City.

The Manhattan cocktail isn’t my downfall, however, it does bring me to a sentimental place.  The place where happiness and good memories intersect into a valt of feelings.

Feelings Meme

Another cocktail drink I enjoy….Vodka Lemonade.  A sip of a nicely blended Vodka Lemonade brings me back  to the numerous summers on the shores of Lake Entiat at Lincoln Rock State Park with my family.  You can also add Maui to the memories of Vodka Lemonade.

Since I lived in and visit Hawaii often, I always like a Mai Tai cocktail.  I don’t like to drink too many sugary drinks, but a Mai Tai does hit the spot.

What drinks instantly bring you back to a fond memory?  Or perhaps a band memory?

And as always: Drink responsibly.

 

 

 

Writing Your Novel Tips! Worthless Advice that won’t help you in the least!

Well, I have no helpful writing tips for you and your upcoming bestselling novel.  This is my worthless advice blog, remember?  If you want some helpful tips, you might as well just click over to someone who is helpful like: Jenna Morcci.  She’s an author/writer/blogger I stumbled upon, while I was watching YouTube.  Before you judge me, my YouTube viewing is called “research.” While I was “researching” something…. (Truth be told, you know I was wasting time with Mr. Whiskers by my side, trying to figure out something on YouTube when Jenna Morcci’s writing videos came into my feed).

Let’s get to the point….She is hilarious!  Well crafted videos that are a bit sarcastic, but helpful on writing.  She’s informative, delightful, and has some great writing points.  Hmm, she could be more helpful than my worthless advice blog and that could be dangerous.  Perhaps, she could be my arch enemy?  Nah, that would involve me thinking too much of plot lines, character development, and how to write more than two sentences together and thus make something worthwhile.  One of my favorite videos is at the end of this post.

To combat her cleverness, I probably should throw together a witty list of “How to Write a Novel” tips.  Here goes my worthless advice tips list that won’t help you at all:

  1. Write in a Safe Space.  Yes, go to your safe space.  This could be an extra room in your house, under the stairs, the local coffee shop, or the pub down the street (see item #2).
  2. Consume large quantities of alcohol.  All the great, successful writer were drunks.  Why should you be any different?  Drink up!  You could even have a signature drink!
  3. Play music appropriate to your writing style.  Feeling romantic? Play some love songs.  Your story takes place at an all night rave?  Throw on some EMD trance music.
  4. Read.  Heck, you can’t write if you don’t read.  Read your genre or just read the classics.  Just don’t sit around and do nothing.whirlpool-1580294_1920.jpg  Pick up that Kindle and read!
  5. Soak in a Hot Tub – this is a wonderful way to relax, brainstorm, and not write.  You are in a hot tub, how could you write anything down?
  6. Surf the internet.  Remember I said not to sit around and do nothing?  Well, start surfing that internet and enjoy learning about how to snowboard in New Zealand.  It won’t help you write but you might end up with a great storyline, a blog post, or a new place to visit.
  7. Watch YouTube videos.  This is an awesome way to learn a new skill…how to change out a wheel bearing, how to paint your house, how to waste time watching You Tube videos about how to be successful.  It’s always just a big circle; watch a video and never write that next great American novel.
  8. Play with your cat!  What can you distract you more than your cat?  So cute, so cuddling.  It makes you want to watch cute cat videos on YouTube!  Am I right?  You know I am.
  9. Chat with your Imaginary Stalker Cyndi -You know you haven’t been paying enough attention to Cyndi and she doesn’t like that.  She will get you back….and she is your #1 fan!

Luckily, I know none of these tips will help you to become a better writer.  I know they won’t help you doing anything that moves you along to becoming successful, or happy, or the pride of your family.

Here’s a link to Jenna’s videos.  If you like a snarky attitude, you like to write, and you think I might actually have some good advice for you, just click on her video!  I don’t get paid to say how much I enjoy her videos, but she is pretty funny.  She should at least take me out to dinner for all of the web traffic my blog will be sending her…. No, I’m not in love with her…. (my wife will roll her eyes when she reads this part…).  Until Jenna comments on my blog….I bid you a fond farewell.

 

Death of a Blogger

Death of a Blogger…..

I follow a lot of different blogs for various important reasons (that you clearly wouldn’t understand).  Some of them are funny, others are annoying, a few are informative, and the last ones are just blogs that I enjoy the writing style and the thoughts of the author.  My WordPress Reader always offers something exciting and new most evenings.  I get multiple blog post updates in my email inbox daily (which is a whole other issue for our next therapy session).

However, one thing I don’t know much about is the death of a blogger.  All of the suddenly I’ll have a craving for a certain blog and I’ll go to that blog only to discover it is gone.  It doesn’t exist.  I’m left hollow and empty.  I think to myself (most because I’m the only person that actually listens to me) “Is  it my fault they are gone?  Did I not offer enough of my worthless advice to them to keep them motivated?  Did I not write enough for them and they lost their inspiration?”

Alas, it is an extremely tough burden to carry when you inspire an imaginary stalker and your mother to keep reading your blog for guidance.  What if I wasn’t posting enough and that is why that blogger gave up?  I mean, I let them down and their blog is no more, gone, shut down, lying in the dust of the internet desert of shifting trends and topics.  The front page isn’t even their last entry; it is merely an uncaring generic WordPress page stating that the blog no longer exists.

I really want you to understand is that you can come to me first before you eliminate your blog.  I want you to let me know, if you plan to kill your blog.  If you think your creativity has died, perhaps your life isn’t crazy or insane enough, maybe your ten cats have left you for the neighbor with the endless supply of tuna (albacore not the crappy dark meat stuff),  or your latest quilting project didn’t work out (I love the fruit coasters), you can drop me an email and I’ll help keep you going.  Heck, I’ll even do a guest post on your blog so you have some content (worthless advice but content nevertheless).  That is the kind of self serving kind of worthless advice dispensing, fake therapist/writer/self help guru I am.

Keep the comments coming on my worthless advice blog posts.  I need the ego post so my blog doesn’t shut down in a fit of rage or a big sissy crying fest.  Either one would be most unpleasant and cause undue stress to my already fragile ego.  So click the “Like” button and then go a step further and leave a witty comment.  Oh, and leave your website link and I’ll link it back to your blog so you feel loved.

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