Tag: Kauai

Dad Decides To Cancel All Future Vacations Due to Lack of Interest By Children

~ K ~ 4 Comments
Wait…what just happened?

In a swift and bold mood, Jack Fernwood announced to his family this morning that all future vacations will be cancelled.  Citing his children’s lack of interest in doing anything other than playing on their smartphones, iPads, iPods, computers, and watching TV, Jack made the announcement over breakfast while drinking a non-fat mocha while on vacation in Hawaii.

As Jack drank his fancy coffee drink and made this shocking announcement, no one in his family bothered to comment because they were all too busy playing on their various electronic devices.  When he made the announcement for the fifth time, his 14 year old daughter Sarah was quick to post on her Facebook a scalding post about how unfair her father was.  She followed this post with a self portrait of herself with the sand beaches of Hawaii behind her.

Jack’s 12 year old son Brad was quoted as saying “Whatever” and continued to play his computer game.

Cindy, Jack’s wife (age undisclosed) gave her husband the “I’m going to kill you” look while she texted messages back and forth with her best friend Jackie.

Jack did say that he was tired of spending thousands of dollars on family vacations while everyone was just going to sit around and play on their “stupid phones”.  He cited their recent whale watching trip where his children were texting their friends back home and totally missed the family of humpback whales that went under their boat.

Jack’s friends back home, upon hearing the news, were not surprised.

His friend Raymond offer this insight into his friend Jack’s reasoning.

“Jack can fly off the handle once in while but we’ll come back to his senses.  I mean, really, do you think he has the guts to follow through with this?  His wife Cindy is going to kill him if he tried to implement this policy.  I’m sure we can attribute this outburst to Jack being overtired and grasping at the idea of his family actually enjoying a vacation together.  We all know in this wired world that he is a dinosaur when it comes to old family vacation ideas.”

Jack’s wife Cindy, shrugged her shoulders when asked to comment about this new “No Vacation Policy”.

Sources close to Cindy did give us a little insight into her thinking by mentioning the terms “over my dead body” and “he’ll rethink this little misstep if he knows what is good for him”.

Hawaii Life TV Show

~ K ~ 4 Comments

Yesterday, I managed to watch another episode of the TV show “Hawaii Life”.  This one involved a former pro surfer who was moving back to Oahu (Hawaii).  Oahu is called the “Gathering Place” island and roughly 85% of the state’s population lives on Oahu.  That is about 850,000 people.  As you can figure out, the State of Hawaii has about 1 million people.  This doesn’t include the tourist population that is coming and going throughout the year.

Now, you might now that my parents still live on the island of Kauai (know as the Garden Isle) and that I lived there for a while in my youth.  I attended Kapa’a High School on Kauai.

When you tell people you went to school in Hawaii, everyone thinks it must have been totally awesome.  Warm weather, the beach, the kick back lifestyle.

As a teenager, it wasn’t as fun as you can imagine.  I’m a haole boy (a Caucasian) so I got picked on.  Part of the problem I was a big kid, not fat mind you, just physically big.  I swam, mountain biked, and lifted weights (me Incredible Hulk, me strong…not really).  I was a pretty good target for local boys that didn’t like haoles.

Not all of my experience on Kauai was bad.  I did have some great friends and did a lot of fun activities.  I was just careful on where I went and who I was hanging out with.  If I had my big Hawaiian friends, I was able to go to some rougher areas.  If I was with my haole friends, we went to the more public beaches.

When I watch the “Hawaii Life” show, I enjoy it.  The show “Hawaii Life” is well done.  It is fun to see sunshine, surf, and the beaches here in the comfort of my Seattle home.  Hawaii is a wonderful place and after watching this type of show I get a bit homesick.  The weather looks wonderful, the beaches look inviting, and the family (buying the house) appears to be very happy.

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To combat my feelings of moving back, I quickly watch a few episodes of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”.  Nothing like Dog chasing down some meth head or bail jumper to snap me back into reality and wake me up!  The reality being that Hawaii is like everywhere else.  Sure, you have great weather but you also have drugs and crime, good times and bad times.  Life is what you make of it.

In the meantime, I plan to whine about not living in Hawaii and not buying a house like the folks on “Hawaii Life”.  Boo hoo.  Poor me!  What am I going to do.  Perhaps I should start a donation site in which people (like yourself) could contribute to my family’s move back to Kauai.  What do you think about that?

It’s Official: Fall is here in Seattle – Worthless Advice: Time to dress a little warmer!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Heck, if you haven’t noticed Fall is here in Seattle.  In my humble house, I finally turned on the furnace and restarted the gas fireplace this week marking the end of summer.  In Seattle, summer dragged on until October 9.  Now, I’m not complaining about that.  It has been a really nice treat for everyone.  I haven’t worn a coat for a long time.  There has been no noticeable rainfall for a good month and a half (maybe longer) and daytime temperatures were hitting 70 degrees.

However, the last few days, the weather has turned colder and I’ve accepted fall like the comfortable friend she is.  We flipped on the gas fireplace and experienced the smell of the dust being burned off.  Every year, my goal is to wait until at least October 1 to turn on the heat and the fireplace.  We made it to October 9 so I’m happy.

Since it is October, we are also in Halloween mode.  The decorations are coming out in our neighborhood, the leaves on the trees are turning, and the rain is back.  We won’t see the sun until the end of June.  Welcome Fall weather!  Enjoy the rain 24/7, the temperatures in the 40-55 degree range.

In a week, I’ll be sick of this rainy weather and will be blogging about how much I hate it and wished I was living back on Kauai.

Hawaii Waterfall
Wailua Waterfall 2011

A “Why People Are Stupid” Segment: A pet peeve

~ K ~ 1 Comment

As you may or may not know, I recently escape from my extremely exciting life here in Seattle and travelled back to Kauai for some rest and relaxation.  I am quite fortunate to be able to stay with my parents in their guest cottage on Kauai.  While not quite the guest house of the TV show Magnum P.I., it suits me well for my vacation needs. http://www.makanacrest.com

As with many people, visiting the old stomping grounds of one’s youth brings memories flooding back.  One in particular that annoys me is the recent mainland transplant person that insists on using as many Hawaiian words as they can in their everyday speech.  I’m not talking about tourists, I’m talking about the people that retire to Kauai (or any other Hawaiian Island) and try to make you think that they lived there their whole life.

This person could be male or female but they are transplants to the Hawaiian Islands.  It is so annoying to see them pretend that they have lived here their whole lives.  They sprinkle a few Hawaiian words into their speaking style with such abandonment you swear you were in a 1960’s CIA educational video on “how to blend in” tot the local area.

A lot of the Hawaiian words they use are perfectly fine.  However, when they sprinkle them into their regular mainland speech style, it drives me nuts.  They clearly don’t know or understand that a whole other dialect of English exists in the Hawaiian Islands.  This is called “pidgin” or “pidgin English”.  It is a slang that separates the tourist from the locals.

What exactly is a local?  I would argue that is someone that is born in the State of Hawaii that has a darker skin tone and a Hawaiian last name.  That is a very limited definition because Hawaii is a huge melting pot of different cultures and people.  You might have a common German last name but your family is almost all local.  And you might have a Hawaiian last name and only be one percent Hawaiian blood.  Once you live in Hawaii, you just know who is who from the way they act and talk.

Now, my pet peeve isn’t that I hate anyone that comes to Hawaii to live, my pet peeve is their insane belief that by speaking a few Hawaiian words, everyone will think they are locals and have lived there their whole life.

An example: You are at a fairly public place talking with a friend or spouse about a place on Kauai, our Transplant overhears you and wants to be your “Aloha” friend.

The Transplant of Stupidity (TTS): Aloha!  I noticed you were talking about that restaurant, it’s really good.

Me: Oh really.  I never did really like it.

TTS: I just took my ohana there and we loved the pupus!  I’m a ka’amina and I love to travel from the mauka side of the island here.  In fact, last time we were here, we saw some honi swimming in the waves.

Me: Really? Where are you from?

TTS: My hale is in Kapaa.

Me: No, where are you originally from?

TTS: I’m from here.

Me: I think you are not fully understanding my simple question…where did you move from before you lived on Kauai?

TTS: Well, I lived in California (or Washington or Oregon or Utah…it doesn’t matter TTS come from everywhere) before I moved here.

A local person would use pidgin English for that whole conversation and you wouldn’t understand what half of it meant….but the local would.

I know that I will never be considered a “local” on Kauai.  Once you are a haole (a foreigner, Caucasian) you are always a haole.  You do have friends that are born and raised there and are Caucasian, but are always describe as haole.  Their local friends will call them local haoles to separate them from the transplants.  I’m not a local haole and I don’t try to pass myself off as one.  I do run into people I went to school with on Kauai and I still have friends on Kauai but I don’t speak “pidgin” to the same degree they do.  They might say I’m a local haole but I’m not comfortable saying that myself.  I accept that I’m a haole and I’ll just stick to my mainland English.  I can still wear my local style clothes and eat my local food (because the food is really awesome) but I won’t try to say I’m local (considering I haven’t lived on Kauai since college).

In reality, I’m a tourist in my old stomping grounds and this leads me to enjoy Kauai for the great place it is.  I know good bodyboarding beaches and I know good snorkeling spots.  I can visit a secluded beach or swim in a mountain stream only the locals know about.  I accept that.  I just won’t sprinkle Hawaiian words into my speech in a sad attempt to pretend that I lived there my whole life.

A hui hou kakou (until we meet again)…which no one says unless they speak fluent Hawaiian.

 

 

 

Two reasons why airline travel sucks!

~ K ~ 3 Comments

Upon a recent flight home, I have discovered that I really don’t like how the airlines run their business.  The staff is friendly enough, but the baggage and meal situation drives me nuts.

Yes, I understand that the airlines have cut certain perks to keep their airlines afloat.  The meal service I can do without.  I’m ok going three to six hours on a domestic U.S. flight without a meal.  I can easily bring my favorite protein bar, a few snacks, or gum to tie me over.

However, the baggage limit and extra baggage cost drives me crazy.  If you can carry on your bag, the current fees I have come across have been $25 to $50 per piece.  Fairly simple math means that if I check in a bag twice, I have to add $50 to my ticket.  I would much rather prefer the option of paying the slightly higher ticket piece that includes a piece of baggage or having a discounted ticket that clearly states that this ticket has no checked baggage.

If you had a bag/no bag option, you’d feel less ripped off.  You know that you’d be able to check in one bag if you had picked that option.  I know I can fit my stuff into a 25 lb carry on for a week stay on Kauai.  On a business trip to New York City, I know I’d need more clothes and a larger bag and I’d pick the ticket with bag option.  I would gladly pay ahead, spend the money, and forget about it.  Money spent is money forgotten.  Pay the fee in the ticket and you forget about it.  Nickel and dime me to death and it drives me crazy.  I also remember those annoying nickels and dimes.

It just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.  What happen to the K.I.S.S. formula (Keep It Simple Stupid!)?  One ticket, one checked bag equals easy flight.  Instead, it is buy the ticket, pay for your bag to fly, spend money on top of your airline ticket, do your business trip or vacation trip, go back to the airport, check in, spend more money for your bag to go back.

It’s bad enough the weight you are allowed to take has dropped from 70 lbs to 50 lbs per checked in piece.  You also lost the two pieces you use to take for free (at least they were included in the ticket cost).  Now you get nothing; just a carry on piece.  So the airline has dropped the weight by 140 lbs per person.

I’m not saying that I want everyone to bring a cage full of chickens on the plane; I just want to be able to bring one lousy checked piece and include it in my ticket cost.  If I know I’m going on a short trip, I’ll get the cheaper ticket without the baggage.  Don’t make me pay the baggage charge at the start of my airline trip.  It just gets me pissed off that the whole airline industry has gone to hell.  It reminds me of “the good old days” and I’m too young to be thinking of “the good old days.”  It is a slap in my face.  It reminds me that airline travel is a big pain the ass compared how it once was.

Sadly, we aren’t safer anymore.  We recently had a grandmother bring her loaded handgun through TSA’s awesome screening process at a major American airport.  Heck, if grandma can make it through what else makes it through security?  Yet, I can’t take my bottle of water through security while travelling with my whole family?  Seriously?  Does that make sense?

ImageEnjoy your next flight.

Good Morning! It’s cat puke for Valentine’s Day!

~ K ~ Leave a comment

This morning, I discovered cat puke outside my office door. Oh yeah! A few years back, I built my office behind my main house and to access it, I must leave my main house and walk a short distance to my office. Normally, I don’t mind this commute. However, when you have cat puke in front of your office door, it makes the commute less attractive.

I figured I’d just squirt off the cat’s gift with a little garden hose action. I walked over to the garden hose, put the nozzle on, and took the coil of hose off the hanger. Of course, it is raining and I’m getting wetter than I had planned. I’m also wearing my slippers. I turn the water on, start dragging the hose, it gets caught on something and I almost fall flat on my back. Cursing, I go back to wear the spot where the hose is caught and proceed to sink into our wet lawn. My slippers are now getting muddy and wet on the inside. Arrghhh.

In an elegant manner fit for a ballerina, I manage to free the hose, clean off the cat’s gift from my office porch (spraying myself with the hose as well) and miss the dog piles in the yard. Oh right! Mission accomplished! I wind the hose back up, again it gets caught on something while I do this and finish this unpleasant task with a flurry.

Now, my favorite slippers are wet, I’m wet, and I still haven’t made it into my office. The kicker of this whole thing is that we don’t even own a cat! It had to be one of the 12 cats that live within the four houses in our cul-de-sac. We have so many cats I feel like we are a pet store. This is really when I was living back on Kauai or least there on vacation at my parent’s guest house www.makanacrest.com.

I almost forgot it was Valentine’s Day! Speaking of which, I wonder if my parents have any weddings today. They live on Kauai (in the State of Hawaii) and operate www.kauaiweddings.com.

As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments.

I want to be a Self-Help Guru!

~ K ~ 4 Comments

I want to be a Self-Help Guru!

I recently started a new audio book titled “Bright-Sided How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America” written by Barbara Ehrenreich. Since I just started this audio book I can’t give you a detailed review, however, I can say that it makes me want to become a self-help guru! The self-help guru industry is probably a great place for me to use my talents as an delightful individual to spread my unique style of sarcastic self-help. And I can create a media empire in the process and get rich too!

Think of the endless possibilities that await me as a sarcastic self-help guru! I have the perfect “unhappy” foundation in which to build upon my self-help guru career. Even if my life history isn’t as sappy or depressing as it could be, I can still spin a great tale of childhood misery to make a go of it as a self-help guru.

I can talk about how deprived I was as a child growing up in middle class suburbia. Please allow me to tell my tale of woe….when I was in elementary grade school, my parents didn’t buy me the all “too cool” Atari game system. All my friends and enemies had the Atari game systems with Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Frogger….but I had nothing! So what if I had every Lego set they made and I lived in a nice house….I am still scarred to this day with the knowledge that EVERYONE had an Atari and I didn’t.

Oh, and the vacation trips I never took…..where should I begin? How am I going to heal the wounds of never going to Hawaii until our family moved there? I’m still in pain (which gives me the emotional background to be an awesome self-help guru!).

Should we be talking about my emotional struggles of not getting a new bike when everyone else had one? Or the skateboard I never had? Or the new REI backpack for Boy Scouts I didn’t get? Oh, the pain of my terrible childhood. How did I overcome these painful childhood memories? Yet, I can blame my parents for the lack of a wonderful childhood or should I “thank” them for giving me this wonderful gift called “opportunity”?

And I have failures in my adult life which I can parlay into being a “Life Coach”. Oh boy, oh boy! If you really what to succeed, just hire an unemployed, twice divorced, free spirit life coach (that makes less money than you do) to guide you. What is that you hope to accomplish in your life? Hope? I “hope” I don’t puke with a bunch of nonsense! How do you feel about that? I “feel” like you are answering my question with your question. Did you see that? I’m an old dude giving you advice…I’m your “Dad”! Not really, I’m a stranger giving you advice for money. I’m telling you it will be ok…heck I’m a hooker!

Honestly, you know in my mind and in your heart what you need to do to be successful. The hard reality is that life gets in the way of you becoming successful. There is always one more TV show to watch, one more kid to tuck into bed, one more client to email, one more blog to write! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to work towards become successful with written goals. I have goals, I just never write them down! See, another Self-Help guru tip!

In my quest to become a self-help guru, I did intense and extensive research on the internet by visit two websites. I loved this one: http://www.thecheers.org/No-Laughing/article_2903_How-to-Become-a-Self-Help-Guru-Author.html Oh, and let’s not forget this article too! http://www.authorsden.com/visit/ViewArticle.asp?id=28357&authorid=3523

I can’t wait for my “Nine Habits of Successful Living” to become a York Times Bestseller with a book tour, groupies, an appearance on “Oprah”, a series of workshops and programs. Maybe I can do some “good” by appearing on a PBS pledge drive…remember that if you help others reach their goals, they’ll help you reach yours!

As always your comments are always welcome!
http://www.makanacrest.com http://www.kauaiweddings.com

Thanksgiving 2010

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Happy Thanksgiving!

My blog wouldn’t be complete if there was an old ode to Thanksgiving this year.  Trust me, this isn’t some sappy “I’m thankful for….” blog about how much I’m thankful for this and that.  Really?  Everyone (well, the two people that read this blog plus Cyndi my imaginary stalker) know that I am a very thankful person (and sarcastic).  Like most people with half a heart, I enjoy the fact that I actually like and enjoy my family and friends.  Unlike the Dr. Seuss character “The Grinch”, I like Thanksgiving and Christmas and the holiday cheer these holidays bring.

However, due to the weather, this year’s blog comes from our home in Kent versus our usually location of Anderson Island.  With all the snowy weather conditions we have had over the past two days, we made the decision to stay home this year instead of traveling and hosting Thanksgiving at the family cabin on Anderson Island.

This decision comes with mixed feelings.  We enjoy the trek to Anderson Island and the adventure of having Thanksgiving dinner on Anderson Island.  Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday because it has nothing to do with gift giving and presents.  It is strictly a holiday that you get to see family and friends (that you hopefully enjoy) and enjoy a great meal.  Now, if you don’t enjoy the people you are with during Thanksgiving, then you have to come up with some better excuses for not going to that host’s Thanksgiving dinner.  Maybe take a vacation trip to Kauai instead?  (Heck you can stay at http://www.makanacrest.com)

Why waste your time with people that you don’t enjoy?  You distance yourself from negative friends, why not do the same thing with your relatives?  If you don’t like them, why subject yourself to their company?  Why surround yourself with them?  Thanksgiving is like the 4th of July.  It is a holiday that you don’t have to think about, you just have to enjoy it.  Life is too short to waste with stress about family gatherings and conflict.

So this year, hopefully you made the commitment to enjoy your Thanksgiving!  Now, you just have to get through Black Friday and Cyber Monday!

As always, you are more than welcome to leave your comments.

Weather

~ K ~ 1 Comment

What a great stormy night this evening turned out to be! The rain poured down and I just love listening to it pounded on the roof of the house. It reminds me of being back home on Kauai with our tropical downpours that got you soaked within minutes of starting.

One of the loudest places to be caught in one of those Kauai rainstorms was at my friend Kalen’s shack. It was a small shack his parents had on their property during the construction of the main house years ago. It was only about 12×16 feet in size, painted red on the outside and white on the inside with a metal roof. When it rained it was a thousand drum sticks whacking the roof in rapid succession. You couldn’t hear a thing inside it during a storm.