So why don’t you get off your lazy butt and write something?
OK folks. I’ve been quite neglectful in my blog writing. Sure, I could blame it on the holiday season and say I was too busy hanging up my holiday lights all over my house, my trees, my rocks, my roof to write anything remotely exciting (or sarcastic for that matter). But the truth is (since we are being honest, aren’t we?) I have been lazy for the past month or two.
Maybe I’m in the mist of trying to discover myself? Or perhaps the hot butter rum was just so delightful that I could hardly string a few words together to make a sentence much less write a blog for you to read.
Even my imaginary stalker Cyndi is disappointed in my lack of writing. I’m sorry to let her and you down.
I didn’t even wish you a Happy New Year and it is already January 7 of 2014! Man, I am scum, aren’t I?
Let’s start writing, shall we? Let’s talk about your New Year’s Resolutions that will fail miserably. My worthless advice: Never make New Year’s Resolutions. You are setting yourself up for failure. Instead, commit to a lifestyle change for the better (why would anyone make a change for the worse?). Choose to exercise more and to eat healthier. Choose to read a good novel, choose to drink less alcohol, choose to limit your Facebook time stalking your ex-girlfriend (or ex-spouse), choose to get your finances in order, choose to follow my blog by subscribing to it. Just make the choice to improve yourself. Certainly subscribing and promoting (and sharing) my blog is a good choice for you.
See? Isn’t that better than a worthless New Year’s Resolution? Make better choices in life. And your spouse says I never write anything “uplifting” in my blog. Poppycock I say!
I look forward to offering a new batch of worthless advice to you and your fellow mankind in 2014! Let the games begin!
Sunday is a wonderful day in which you wake up with high hopes to get a great deal of stuff done…but you don’t. That “To Do” List you might have started Friday night (but you really didn’t get started until lunch on Saturday) is never going to get done. Accept this fact and your life will be a lot easier.
As an unpublished motivational speaker with an imaginary stalker named Cyndi, I offer this wonderful Worthless Advice from my living room: Ditch the “To Do” List.
When you have a “To Do List”, you are setting yourself up for failure. Do you want to be a failure? Let’s be honest, you won’t accomplish anything on your list and that will make you feel like a loser, a failure, a worthless individual who can’t do anything. Is that your idea of being a “winner”?
Let’s say you have ten items on your list. So you get two done of ten and scratch them off. Wow. You finished two items…20% of your list done. Is that worth bragging about? You got 20% done. If this was a math test, you’d have failed. That’s the big “F”. Wouldn’t that make your parents proud? What about your kids? They could brag….”My mommy (or daddy) finished two things for an “F”…yeah!!!” Face it; that is a lesson your kids don’t need to learn (let them learn how much of a failure you are later in their lives).
Your kids will learn later on in life that you didn’t take them to Disneyland every year, you skipped half the teacher-parent conferences because you were too busy checking your Facebook status, and the pet bunny isn’t really living out with Uncle Simon on the farm in the country. These items can safely be hidden from them. You already killed the Tooth Fairy when your kid lost her tooth on a Saturday night, you went to bed, forgot to switch out her tooth for a dollar. Then the next morning, you wake up in a panic, grab your wallet to discover you have only a $20 bill left. So you slide your hand (palming the $20 bill) under her pillow and doing the switch….and she wakes up!
Now you have to explain that you were just “checking” to make sure the Tooth Fairy had stopped by. She looks at you suspiciously, looks under the pillow to discover that nice $20 bill and her doubt is quickly forgotten. However, then she thinks you were trying to heist her money and that opens a whole new can of worms.
Don’t be a failure. Be a winner! Forget the “To Do List”.