Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Tag Archives: clients

Worthless Travel Tips – Best Worthless Advice Tips for Your Next Airline Flight!

plane-50893_1920Let’s face it, you hate people, I hate people, and we really hate sitting next to them in the airplane.  Sure, we all wish we could afford First Class but we can’t.  However, we can use certain techniques to maximize your seat space on the airplane.

  1. Bring Your Own Smelly Food – Since the airlines want to make a profit, one of the first things to go was the food service.  But this is an awesome time to bring your own food along!  And it had better be extremely good and stinky.  We all know that the stinky food is the best food!  Pickled eggs, sauerkraut, sardines, garlic bread, cat food, and maybe some strange food that would make a billy goat puke is just what you need on your next flight.
  2. Stake out the Armrest – the seats and the armrest aren’t getting any bigger on airplanes these days and you need to stake your claim to them.  As soon as you sit down, stretch out and take as much space as you can.  When your neighbors arrive, just cough a lot, and wipe your hands all over the armrest.  Ha, these armrest belong to me now.
  3. Take Those Shoes Off and Let Those Stinky Feet Breath – why should your feet be trapped in your shoes?  These flight is the beginning of your vacation.  Take those shoes off and relax.dirtyfeet
  4. Don’t Brush Your Teeth – nothing says “I don’t care about life, you, or your comfort” than skipping the brushing those pearly white teeth.  Your mouth should smell and taste like the inside of a elementary school dumpster on a hot spring afternoon.
  5. Don’t Shower – Again, you want to push people away.  With your awful breath, you can add to the sensual pleasure by not taking a shower for a few days before your flight.
  6. Dress Poorly – dress like a slob AND make sure you wear the wrong travel clothes.  Pants that are too tight – check!  Coats with not enough pockets – check! A big hat that gets in the way – check!bum
  7. Have a HUGE Carry On Bag – The heavier, the better.  Just like all the unsolved resentment you carry around in your soul, your carry on bag should be just as heavy.  Make sure that you can’t lift it over your head.  Ideally, your bag should make a professional weightlifter pop a blood vessel as he lifts it.
  8. Talk to EVERYONE…be loud and proud!  Everyone wants to hear about how you had an awful time on the taxi ride to the airport, or how Aunt Megan thinks you drink too much.  Make new friends by asking questions that are way too personal.  Remember, make them feel uncomfortable and they will scoot away from you as far as their little seatbelt will allow.

As always, I know these eight awesome travel tips will really bring you to the top of your worthless life.  What better way to make it to the lower bottom of life?

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Excuse Me, can I be retired now?

It’s a rainy Wednesday here in Kent, Washington and that is normal.  No sunshine for the likes of us to cheer us up.  Luckily, I am a pretty upbeat person despite my sarcastic nature and attitude.  In my day to day job as a seasoned school photographer, I deal with teachers, parents, and kids.  Most of the time, I have a great time with all three parties.  I can’t complain about my job besides the fact I actually have to leave my house.

Yesterday evening, one of our Girl Scout cookie clients (Quick Business Tip: always call your customer’s clients…it sounds like you care about them versus just viewing them as a paycheck.  An example: lawyers have clients and Wal-Mart has customers…we’ll get into lawyers in another post) came to pick up his cookies.  He asked how business was going and I told him it was good but I’d rather be retired.  He chuckled because it is oblivious I’m totally hilarious all the time (and it’s my story so I can say how funny I am).  Anyway, I also mentioned I can always use more business (who doesn’t want more business and more money?).

However, the sticking point to my business growth plan is that I’m currently too comfortable and lazy.  I like my level of business but would like more income without doing more marketing for more clients.  Some people love the thrill of the sales call and getting new accounts, I’m not one of them.  I’m an introvert in an extrovert’s career (school photography).

Now, I can be an extrovert when I need to be.  I can put on my big boy pants and get things done.

What I really want to do is stay home (in jeans and T-shirts; I’m not much of a track suit type of guy) and do nothing.  Well, I would do something.  I enjoy reading and blogging but those too activities aren’t making me too much money.  I like to be with my family and take vacations.

Basically, my dream job is to be a lottery winner (oh, you can’t win if you don’t play) thus I wouldn’t have to worry about working and money.  I want to be retired.  I’d sit around drinking a refreshing beverage and reading a book (or working on a novel) at my oak desk in my office.

Let’s be clear, it is an office and not a man cave.  A man cave would paint a picture of a comfortable leather couch, a flat screen TV, and some of my favorite sport teams’ logos all over the place, with a well stocked fridge to boot!  My office is a nice 12×16 (foot) building separate from my home.  It has internet, electricity, and heat.  If it had a bathroom I could be out here for hours.  It isn’t a man cave because I work here; I can’t relax like in a man cave but at least it is a quiet place for me to work in.

Needless to say, I’m still working and living life: Go Team Kevin!

 

Thanks for wasting another few minutes of your life to read my blog.  Make my life that more exciting by commenting below or pushing the “like” button below the post.

 

 

 

 

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