Since my long absence of blogging on this WordPress site, the WordPress editor has changed and been updated. As you can imagine, I’m clearly lost on the new WordPress Editor and I’m certainly going to screw up my blog posts for the next several posts. I’ll stumble through, discover new items, widgets, and tricks to make my blog “pretty”. I might even have some advice to give along the way.

Why haven’t I been blogging? I wish I could say that I’ve been absent because I wrote an amazing novel but that isn’t the case. The answer is that I really don’t know. We could go into some therapy chat about the underlying reasons but that might be helpful. And you, Cyndi (my Imaginary Stalker), and I all know that is a blog about “Worthless Advice” and we need to keep it that way. We don’t want my blog to get too many followers and have too much good, helpful advice. It is much better to sit in my ivory tower and judge people in a sarcastic tone, throwing out comments and not helping others.

(Most likely, we have gone down this road before in a previous blog post. I’ll have to ask Cyndi if I have written about it before.)

Blogging is a hobby for me (I’m not getting rich from it) so I’m sure you understand how hobbies come and go. I did replace traveling with blogging.

Over the past few years, I’ve traveled a great deal. My wife was hired on at a fabulous airline and I’ve been to Germany, Holland, Luxemburg, Austria, passed through England. Then there are a good deal of domestic trips. I’m trying to get out and about. Due to Covid-19, my travel days have been very limited, very much like everyone else’s travels have so I should start posting more.

That’s it for my rambling thoughts. I’ll be back and as always, your comments are always welcome.

Well, it probably has been two years since I have written anything remotely interesting for my blog. One may ponder what happen to Kevin’s beloved blog? Have I fallen off the face of the Earth? Did my worthless advice run dry?

What can I say? My life is fine and I’m not dead. I just stopped writing because at the time, I was interested in other adventures. My wife got a job at an airline and I ended up traveling quite a bit. Sure, that added to my knowledge and I probably should have passed on more worthless advice to you, my dear readers. Yet, I didn’t and here we are in 2020.

What a shitstorm 2020 has been. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better either. But you know all about that….

Which brings me to my business. Oh yes, my business has crashed to a standstill. I may have to give up the self-employed lifestyle and get a job. I shiver at the thought of a real job. However, I have been applying and looking for a job. I’ve been reading about job interviews and how to impress the job interviewer. (Note to self: Don’t mention my Worthless Advice Blog).

Wherever the winds of change blow me to, you can rest assured that I will tackle whatever new challenges the job world throws at me. I have accomplished a lot in photography, writing, and real estate. Now, I’m ready for the next challenge.

And I’m still smiling……

Oh, tonight I have decided to kill your misguided hopes and deranged dreams. You think that you are safe from me? Thanks to Facebook and Twitter (hell, all social media), I know what you like and dislike. I know your hopes, your dreams, your scrape goats, your demons, I know who your truly are.

You can tell yourself “I’m a good person.” But you aren’t.

I’m here to tell you….I will destroy you. Your racist dreams will be the sweat soup I enjoy as I torture you and destroy you. For every post of you complaining about the “good old days”, I will smash you down. I will stomp on your sexism views, your hypocrisy, your holier than thou attitude.

I will redirect your hate and anger. I’ll crush your worthless, thoughtless, and insecure paranoid.

And when you die, you might think you will be going to heaven. Instead, you’ll be in hell….and I’m Employee of Forever (not, month or year…..Forever) in Hell. Your hell will be my Heaven.

So….go back to racist rants, your crying and tears of how unfair life is, your blessed life….but remember to keep in the back of your mind the fact…..I’ll be there to greet you at the Gates of Hell. I will torture you forever because of your sins on Earth!

Thoughts and Prayers to you! You will definitely need them.

Good morning….did you get to sleep in? You snuggling with your dog on the couch, coffee cup in hand?

It’s not like I don’t really care. I do care. I just want to make sure you know that I’m hungry and there is a piece of bacon calling my name. I’m distracted.

You know what I do care about? Breakfast.

It’s a fine meal…pancakes, eggs, some coffee, bacon. It’s the “Let’s Kick Ass” Meal of the day. You eat a hearty breakfast and you can take on the day.

Lunch? That’s the “I’m halfway through my miserable day” meal. Halfway! And you never get to enjoy lunch because you know you have to go back to your awful job.

Don’t get me started on Dinner. That’s the “My Day sucked so let’s get it over with” meal. You sit there, wishing your steak was cooked a little bit better, the bread wasn’t as hard, and your salad wasn’t trying to kill you.

We’ll talk about drinks later…..

As always, your thoughts and comment are welcome. Pretend you and I both care and send me some comments.

As you can see, I haven’t posted for a long time. I know you don’t care why I haven’t been blogging and I really can’t give you a good answer as to why I stopped. Perhaps my life got boring? Maybe Mr. Whiskers, my cat, didn’t inspire me anymore?

Blogging use to be a great way for me to express my sarcasm and get my thoughts out.

Now I just keep everything bottled up….

The good news is that, I’m back. It’s a new year and I’m pretty sure I can keep you all entertained with my charming wit and my worthless advice.

This year, we will be talking about my opinion. As you are aware, I’m a humble person. Humble enough to say that most of you need my help, insight, and advice.

I’m not going to mince words but I’m also not going to hurt your feelings. I know you are all sensitive and I should be more aware of that. At least, that is what I have been told by my online therapist. And I’m pretty sure she needs my help too.

I know I don’t look like your therapist…I’m much better looking and I’m way better at the therapy than your actual therapist. Just remember, let me help you, help yourself.

Let’s get down to it, shall we? Feel free to send your suggestions on what I should talk about, complain about, or write about. As always, I appreciate your comments and feedback.

If you are sensitive, or don’t understand satire, stop reading now. This blog post will probably offend you and you’ll be all up on arms. You’ll say stuff like “Oh, you’ve gone too far.” “Oh, he must hate his wife.” “Oh, I’m pretty sure he will be dead by the time I finish reading this post because his wife will probably have killed him by now.”

Terrible gift ideas – it’s what you love and live for!  Here’s a start…things to avoid…

Clothes – you can’t dress yourself. What makes you think you can buy clothes for your wife?

A picture of your dick – yeah, she knows you have a dick and that’s why she’s a mother. She doesn’t need to see the reminder of her prison sentence. She just had to look at her wedding ring to remind herself why her life sucks.

Anything to do with cleaning: she doesn’t want a new mop, vacuum cleaner, or toilet brush.

Excerise/workout/gym memberships – have you no brain at all?  Why would you think this is good idea? Did you think of this when you were eating your cheeseburger and drinking a beer?

Clothes….also avoid…Anything her mom or your mom would wear and thus remind her that she is old or a mom.

A booklet of stupid coupons. You are a grown man, leave that shit to your kids.

Anything that reminds her of her past life.  Her carefree, fun single life where she just thought about the next book she was going to read…what bar she was going to visit at Happy Hour….the next guy she was going to flirt with…

Sexy Lingerie –  She’s now a mom, not a carefree single woman or a just married vixen. She’s now serving a prison sentence being married to your dumbass and raising your bratty kids.

Any kind of gift that is really disguised as a gift for her but is really a gift for yourself.  That subscription to Boat Monthly doesn’t interest your wife.

I can hear you saying “What about x”. “But there is always an exception to the rule”??Did you just hear why you said? Yes, I know there is an exception to the rule, that’s why it is called an exception. Do you think you are exceptional enough to pull off a good Mother’s Day gift?

Trust me….No, you aren’t. You are just an average joe schmuck thinking you know best. Thinking that way is a sure way to get yourself dead.  You shop in bulk at Costco and get excited when you get a good deal at the gas pump.

A weight scale – by far…this is the worst idea a sane man could buy for the mother of his children. What the hell are you thinking? Unless she is a instagram fitness model, don’t even think of buying a weight scale.

An ironing board – we all know those clothes aren’t going to iron themselves and neither is your wife. Just resign yourself to the fact she is going to take her blouse to the local dry cleaners and get charged $7.99 per blouse. Sorry, you won’t be saving any money with this lame gift idea.

Did I mention Sexy lingerie – seriously? That ship has sailed and sank to the bottom of the sea. You are lucky she even allows you to touch her, much less let you see her in anything other than her flannel pajamas.

Tracksuit – what the heck? Does she look like a Russian monster’s wife? When is a tracksuit sexy? Maybe on that 25 year old instragram model you aren’t married to.

Remember when I asked you before: Do you think you are exceptional enough to pull off a good Mother’s Day gift?  You aren’t… but hey, let’s continue down your path of dillusion.

A new pet – oh, another responsibility? Wow, how kind of you and the kids.  Another mouth to feed, clean up after, and take to the vet (doctor).

You know what your wife wants for Mother’s Day? She wants a weekend away with her girlfriends. And when she gets back from that weekend, she wants the house clean, the dishes done, and the laundry folded. Oh, and she wants your undying love and devotion. Is that too much to ask?

Have a great Mother’s Day!! Good luck all you Moms out there!! 

Thanks for reading and commenting….