Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Category Archives: Goals

It’s a beautiful day for Track Practice!

Ah, today is the first day of my daughter’s middle school track practice.  Of course, we live in Seattle and it is raining. Oh boy, nothing like being wet and miserable for track practice.

Our family isn’t much for running. My brother completed at the high school date level but he is the only runner in the family.  I’m always surprised when my kids went out and joined the track team. It’s a no cut sport so they make the team no matter what.

My daughter has stated she doesn’t like to run, however, she is joining the track team as a show of support for her friend. Kudos to her!

The other nice thing she said: we don’t have to go to any of the track meets! Yes!!!!  It is truly an awesome thing to tell your lazy father (little old me) that he isn’t required to go to any track meets. Yippee!

Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a watching my kids compete in their various sports….as long as it is sunny outside and I’m comfortable.  And I don’t mind being in a pleasant indoor, heated arena.  You know, sports like volleyball, swimming, basketball.

With my daughter saying I don’t have to attend her track meets, it really means I don’t have to be out in the rain, in the wind, or in the typical miserable spring weather we have in the Puget Sound area.  It also mean I avoid sitting on an uncomfortable outdoor metal bench and watch my daughter run in the forementioned miserable weather.  Instead, I can sit on my big butt on the couch and watch afternoon talk shows and order a pizza via my smartphone.  Heck, I might even have a hot cocoa and flip on my gas fireplace while I stare out my living room, watching the rain pour or drizzle down.


Thanks again daughter for giving me a get out of track jail free card!  I will truly enjoy staying home and not watching you not run.

How To Manipulate Your Spouse into Loving You Again! 8 Awesome Tips!

You’ll be pleased to know that this blog post is approved by both my wife and Mr. Whiskers.   Yet, I haven’t had a chance to ask Cyndi, my imaginary stalker, if she likes it or not.

A few of my friends will ask “Hey, how come you love your wife so much?”  Well, clearly it is because she manipulates me.   She knows what motivates me into being a better person. We all know my wife is the better half of this marriage.  No one asks me “How are you doing?”  But they always ask about her and how she is doing. (Maybe they know she is going nuts because she is married to me?).

One could argue that manipulating  your spouse is wrong, however in reality, we all do it. My wife knows exactly how to steer me in the “right” direction. Usually, her direction is the right direction (unless it interferes with Mr. Whisker’s nap time).  Is it wrong to give your spouse limited choices, that result in the correct choice?  The choice that, in the end, is the right choice?

Now the manipulation only works if that person believes in  you…or wants to believe in you.  We all want our significant other to motivate us, push us, encourage us to succeed.  We all enjoy that manipulation because it appeals to our own desire to be a winner.  You could say that our spouses motivate us, in which they do, but they manipulate us as well.

But what if our spouses had given up on us? Should we change the tables and perhaps push them back into a position we want them to be? Shouldn’t we rise up and encourage them to fall back in love with the loveable loser (that’s you dear reader) again?  Let’s look at some completely worthless advice tips that probably won’t help you with your relationship but are nevertheless the point of this blog.

Worthless Advice Tips to Manipulate Your Spouse into Loving You Again:

  1. Learn to Cook – take a good cooking class and learn how to boil water and make one amazing dish.  Or just pop something in the microwave…same thing, right?food-712665_1920
  2. Do a load of Laundry – Sure, we know you haven’t done a load of laundry since college, but this is the time to do it again.  My recommendation: use the local laundromat that offers A Full Service Drop Off Service.  I’m pretty sure you can Google that crap somewhere.laundry-saloon-567951_1920
  3. Ditch the Kids – You know your spouse is tired of watching the kids, so make the effort to pawn them off to relatives or friends for one blessed night.  One night of no whining….(well, except for your dog’s whining.)grandstand-330930_1920
  4. Spa Night – Offer your spouse a massage.  Paint their nails like a three year old at preschool.  Then promptly fall asleep…treatment-1327811_1920
  5. Vacuum – Instead of reminding your spouse the carpet looks like a herd of elk walked over it, plug in the vacuum and turn it on for them to do.  Remember to lift your feet as your spouse vacuums near you.  It’s the least you can do as you update your Facebook status about your “tough day at work”.vacuum-cleaner-657719_1920
  6. Speak Kindly – Don’t be the sassy smartass for one night…(unless you write a worthless advice blog. Then you should kind all the time because you know your worthless advice isn’t worth anything.)conversation-799448_1920.png
  7. Take Care of Your Appearance – Heck, your spouse goes out of their way to look good for you.  Return the favor by getting out of your sweatpants at least once a week, taking a shower, shaving your beard.  I know those sweatpants are comfortable…I wear mine too much.  But they do signal to the world “Hey, I’ve given up” and that’s not you, right?barber-1979440_1280
  8. Let your Spouse pick the Movie….for once…  Give in and watch the new action movie or sappy (totally unrealistic) romantic comedy… just once.  Do it for your spouse and your cat.popcorn-1085072_1920

Again thanks for stopping by and reading my “Worthless Advice Tips to Manipulate Your Spouse into Loving You Again”.  Feel free to forward this on to your friends and spouse.  Leave a few comments below…

Meet my friend Craig’s List

Since it is summer time, we have a few chores around my house that we need to finish up.  One is clearing out the “treasures” (worthless crap) we have accumulated over the years but have no good use for anymore.  Granted, at one time I thought I did need a huge pink “Hello Kitty” desk for my office to be a successful blogger, but now I know I don’t (mainly because I’m not a successful blogger).  Besides, my imaginary stalker Cyndi said she would gladly take it off my hands anytime I needed her to.

Unlike my worthless advice I offer to you my dear readers, some of these items are good, usable items.  And you know I really hate making the trip to the local garbage dump when I know a lot of my treasures could have a second life with someone else.  That’s when I turn to my friend Craig’s List.

Sure, some people are scared of Craig’s List (because who isn’t scared of meeting a stranger in a back alley for new flat screen TV?) but when you want to avoid making a trip to the garbage dump, Craig’s List can be your best friend.  Now that I don’t have a truck, it is hard for me to take large items to the garbage dump, donation center, or the recycling center.  Instead of me asking my friend to borrow his truck, I throw everything up on Craig’s List for free.

Today, I got rid of some really cool solar water heater panels.  They aren’t as bad as having a broken down wash machine in your front hard, but solar panels were nice but a wind storm had knocked them over and the glass was destroyed.  I had a few problems setting up the solar water heater system last year, then replacing the glass seemed expensive (4 ft x 8 ft sheets), and they didn’t fit into my “White Trash Theme” I have going on in the backyard, so I decided to get rid of them.  Now, I’m sure I could have sold them on Craig’s List but sometimes that is more of a hassle that the money I’d make out of the project.

This morning I posted the ad and within 30 minutes, two guys came and picked them up. As a bonus, they also picked up all my other free junk out in the driveway.  It was awesome.  I just saved myself about $50 in dump fees and a trip to the Bow Lake Transfer Station.

If you are worried about people coming to your house, you can also put your treasures on the corner of your neighborhood with a “free” sign on it.  I have a neighbor who is gone 11 months of the year so we usually put all the items in front of his house.  Plus, I have an awesome view of watching people gathering up my “treasures”.

That’s your worthless advice tip of the day!  Keep on getting rid of those treasures!

A Visit to the Big Seattle Boat Show!

Sometimes I come up with some odd ideas on what I should be doing with my life.  Last summer, I had the strange notion that I should be a yacht salesperson.  I honestly thought it would be a fun and glorious summer job.  Sitting at my desk at the marina, the sun shining outside, the wind gently blowing, and the yachts gleaming outside.  Rich people would just stop by, I’d take them out for a test cruise, and I’d sell a yacht a day.

Luckily, my laziness and my desire to enjoy myself kept me from a life of khaki slacks, boat shoes, and washing seagull crap off some yacht on Lake Union.

Instead of becoming a boat salesman, my son and I went to the Big Seattle Boat Show yesterday.  Now, I haven’t been to a boat show since I was a kid so this was both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because it is extremely fun to see the variety of yachts and boats available (and this was only the ones they could bring inside on trailers).  A curse because the boats I like are in the price range of $600,000 to $900,000.  Sure, I could get by with a smaller boat but once you look at a $800,000 yacht, the $225,000 is small and not really up to your standards.  The $1.3 Million yacht wasn’t even that attractive.  I would have to pass on it.

I would also like a yacht that isn’t too big where I would need a crew to run it.  I want to be able to handle it with myself and my wife.  I know; I’m a bit picky when it comes to big boats.

I also wouldn’t mind a retired classic Coast Guard cutter or even an older working boat (tug, fishing vessel) that had some space on it.  Retrofit that baby with some modern electronics and you’d a vessel that would have some style to it, yet be fun to be on.

 

However, unless I win the Power Ball Lottery, I won’t be buying a new boat anytime soon.  Besides, who wants to worry about having to find a boat slip, fueling it up, getting through the Ballard Locks?  Am I right?

Let’s talk about distractions…Getting Out of My Slump.

It’s a nice hot summer night here in Seattle and I have come to the realization I haven’t been very good with my blog updates. I could blame it on my “distractions”. But what are my distractions? Work? Sunshine? The amazing hot weather we are experiencing here in the Puget Sound area? What are my distractions? Everything is a distraction for me!

I don’t know if I can blame it all on the distractions I’ve mentioned (mainly because I blamed the world for my failures). We can pinpoint to one real reason: I can blame it on my lack of motivation to blog. Why do I lack motivation? I don’t really know. It is summer and I think summer will never end. I also think that I still have plenty of time before school starts up again to do all the things I need to do….then I see how nice it is outside. I think to myself: I deserve to goof off and watch all ten episodes of “Better Call Saul” in one day, right?

My distractions are really excuses for me not setting goals for my writing. Everyone loves distractions and excuses because it allows us to put things we want to accomplish on the back burner. That bottle of wine tastes a little bit better than painting the house, right? I could write a blog post but why bother? I’d rather talk about beer with my friend online.

Today, I’m going to start posting on my blog at least twice a week. I have to tell myself that people want my worthless advice! See? It is in writing so I have to do it. Let’s write!

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