Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Tag Archives: moron

Your Cooking Sucks – Wow Them with Your Personal Signature Meal!

Let’s face it…you suck as a cook!  But if there is one thing you need is a “signature meal” to wow your potential partner.  A few weeks ago, I wrote about a “signature cocktail drink” you should be able to make all the time.  Now we will discuss having a signature dish.  If you can cook, that means you just step up a notch on the ladder of life.

Dinner.jpgBut if you can’t cook, you can still trick them into thinking that you know how to cook with a signature dish.  That one dish you can cook with your eyes closed AND it tastes amazing.  You need a foolproof dish.   A dish that any moron (like myself) can make.  It needs to be easy and tasty.  A dish that melts in your mouth, that causes the taste buds to explode with desire for the next bite!

If you are a really bad cook….I suggest a slow cooking process like a crock pot meal.  My friend Mark is an excellent cook and he gave my wife (who is another excellent cook) a recipe for Mississippi Pot Roast.  Easy, simple, and very tasty.  Even I could make it; it’s that easy.

Plus you’ll have leftovers you can make some sandwiches for tomorrow’s lunch at work!  Double score!

Keep in mind that a crockpot recipe is a slow cooking recipe.  Always read the recipe and pay attention to the cooking time.

Now throw in a decent bottle of red wine and a wonderful tossed green salad (hey, we need our vegetables, right?).  You have yourself your signature dinner and you are one step closer to closing the deal!

Do you have an easy recipe you’d like to share?  One that won’t make your guest puke?  Share it in the comments section below!

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Thank You Idiot Parent Dropping off Your Kid at school today; you make my day even more miserable than it already is.

Parent drop offThe last day of school was last Friday and it was the last time I dropped off my spoiled little princess for the school year.  Sure, we should make her walk the half mile to school but we don’t.  We would much rather subject ourselves to the misery of the Student Drop Off Line in the morning.  You would think that after 180 days of dropping off their kids, more parents wouldn’t be complete idiots when it comes to dropping off their kids in front of the school.

Seriously, they have had 180 drop offs.  Can’t they figure this out by now?  But every morning when I drop off my princess, some moron in front of me stops short and plugs up the whole system.  It really isn’t that difficult to figure out that you drive all the way to the end of the semi-circle driveway and then drop off your kid.  You don’t stop at the beginning and let them out.  When you drop them off at the beginning, it stops the whole flow.

See all the free space in front of you?  Use your common sense and move up.  See all the cars behind you WAITING for you to move?   That’s because we aren’t morons and can see that there are other parents that are dropping off their kids too.  We know that we need to move as far up as possible so that the whole system works.  You, on the other hand, are a complete moron who thinks of no one but themselves.

I bet you hate puppies and snowflakes too.

Maybe next year, you can figure out this incredibly easy drop off system.  Until school starts up again in the fall, I bid you a fond farewell.

Moron or Mentor…your choice!

Sometimes, you need a little guidance and direction in your life.  You feel a little lost?  Perhaps you need a little direction in your life?  Do you have that nagging feeling that you aren’t headed into the best years of your life?  In my vast time surfing the web, scrolling through thousands of tweets, and reading numerous Facebook posts, I see a common thread of having good mentors in your life.  However, are we listening to Mentors or Morons?

Yes, the good old mentor, a beacon of guidance and coaching that can help lead us on a path of success.  Of course, reading my worthless advice blog won’t help you in the least bit, but that’s ok with you, right?  You need someone to listen to and it might as well be me, right?

You could argue that my advice is pretty solid on a number of issues like business, family life, and how to keep your imaginary stalker Cyndi happy, but my cat Mr. Whiskers might disagree on my cat raising skills.  Perhaps that is where the moron part comes in?

In your everyday life, you will come across people with great ideas, smart as a whip, highly intelligent.  And then other times you come across people that are complete morons and you wonder how they are still alive.  The most annoying mentors are the ones that seem pretty dumb yet they somehow have a huge following and make money.  How is it possible?  I don’t understand it.  My blog of worthless advice is a joke but I spew out the same nonsense they do, and non of my three followers have made me rich. (Cyndi my imaginary stalker doesn’t have a lot of money….)

Mentors and gurus are people we look to for guidance on how to live our lives or to run or business.  We can also throw in the term Life Coach because frankly I haven’t a clue what the hell they do anyway.  I should become a Life Coach or a Guru (after I repackage a bunch of old self-help programs as my own).  I’d be awesome at it.IMG_7749.JPG

Either they are brilliant or the they are morons and the line between the two is very thin at times. Much like my blog is based on what I loosely term as “advice”.  That’s why most of the posts are worthless.  But it is a worthless advice blog.

My Mentor/Guru motto: Get out there and roll around with the bears and butterflies! (Another phrase I invented that I’m sure will become an internet sensation!)

“Get out there and roll around with the bears and butterflies!” means whatever I need it to me at the time someone decides to ask me about it.  I’ll be vague and talk about mentors.  It will be prefect.

Ah, another successful “life” post!  Have an awesome day my readers!

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