April 4, 2017
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I sometimes worry myself about how I can even figure this stuff out…..
Ok, maybe you just can’t handle the whole “owing a house or renting an apartment” thing. Maybe you are more suited to living in your car or in a shipping crate by the railroad tracks. Perhaps that is more of your housing style, however, what will you do about showers, laundry, and sleeping arrangements?
Not to worry dear readers, my worthless advice about “How to Be Homeless” will give you all the awesome advice (or perhaps worthless advice) you need to be successful as a homeless person.
In addition, my tips will allow you to save money and become a success in your personal and professional life. Remember, homeless doesn’t mean you are jobless! And homeless doesn’t mean not having a vehicle either! It only means you don’t have a home!
Shall we begin?
- Be Clean: Join a 24/7 Fitness Gym with shower facilities that has many locations. A hot shower, free soap and shampoo, free towels, and a shave? And you exercise too? Sign me up!
- Dump Your Garbage. Learn where all the public parks are located at. Free garbage service and access to some interesting bathroom options.
- Learn where all the Starbucks ae located (Just kidding…there is one on every corner).
- Hide right under their Noses: Find Fire Stations or Police Stations to park at. You can certain park your car in the visitor parking lot for a few hours or overnight. Who is going to check?
- Hang out in Plain Sight. Park your Honda right at the Honda dealership or Honda Mechanic’s Garage parking lot. One more care isn’t going to be noticed. Or if you have a white van, put a made up delivery company logo on your van…your van is now a delivery van. Park it in the back of a UPS store. You now look like you below there.
- Enjoy Food: Not having a home means your food budget is now huge! You can eat out all the time or you can eat healthy salads you make in the backseat. Yum!
- Visit relatives/friends during the holidays. Bless them with your presence for two or three nights.
- Find locations off the beaten path that offer free power. Invest in a long extension cord from that rest stop bathroom to your car.
- Find 24 hour Laundromats. Do laundry, drink beer, and watch TV. Everyone wins here!
- Find 24 hour Businesses. You can park in their parking lot and they will never know. People are always coming and going and your car will look like an employee’s car.
- Get a Post Office Box for your mail. But ideally, pay everything online. Have auto deposit and auto pay systems set up.
Enjoy these eleven awesome “How to be Homeless Tips!” Remember, you don’t have to let society dictate to you on how to live your life! You can still have a nice car or van, be a clean person, have a good job, and be a productive member of society by using my proven system!
Do you have some awesome advice? Well, keep it to yourself. We want only worthless and sarcastic comments below. Hmm, maybe you can add a few tips…go ahead…comment below and hit the “Like” button too.
October 11, 2015
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I have a T-shirt thief in my house; my T-shirts have become her pajamas and I only get to see my old friends as I do the laundry. However, I have a clever plan to foil this T-Shirt thief. Well, more like limit the shirts she decides to use. I have a decoy drawer of shirts! To give you a little history of men and their love for T-Shirts, I have two drawers of T-shirts (Tee Shirts). Why two drawers? I have two drawers because everyone knows men NEVER throw their T-shirts away. Unlike my worthless advice, my T-shirts never become worthless. If a man does get rid of a T-shirt, it is clearly a mistake or an accidental lapse of sanity. Who isn’t insane with your T-shirt collection is in consent danger of being stolen?
Keeping that in mind, I put all of my least favorite shirts in the top drawer and move my nicer shirts to the bottom drawer. We won’t talk about the other stack of T-Shirts in my closet; those are back up T-Shirts and we don’t need to talk about those. Then there is the guest closet with the T-shirts that I only wear during the winter months because clearly they are used underneath my sweaters. Those T-shirts aren’t allowed to mingle with the summer T-shirts. Everyone knows Summer T-shirts have sarcastic sayings so you can express your brand of humor to the world and show everyone how clever you are.
Now, I have my T-Shirts in two drawers which allows the thief to use my least favorite shirts as pajamas. She ALWAYS gets the T-shirts from the top drawer, thus never accessing the bottom T-shirt drawer. So the good T-shirts go in the bottom drawer. She gets to use some of my T-Shirts and I get to keep my favorites hidden away in a safe location. It’s a fair deal, right?
Organizational Tip: Instead of stacking your T-shirts one on top of another, put them sideways in your drawer. This way you can see the different colors of shirts quickly.
Another Tip: Always organize your shirt drawer by color. All the red shirts go together, blues, greens, etc.
I think I failed to make this a worthless advice blog post with those two awesome tips. Oh well….