Kevin Hellriegel's Blog of Worthless Advice

The only blog that you really want to read…or ignore.

Monthly Archives: January 2019

I’m the Hopes and Dreams Killer….

Oh, tonight I have decided to kill your misguided hopes and deranged dreams. You think that you are safe from me? Thanks to Facebook and Twitter (hell, all social media), I know what you like and dislike. I know your hopes, your dreams, your scrape goats, your demons, I know who your truly are.

You can tell yourself “I’m a good person.” But you aren’t.

I’m here to tell you….I will destroy you. Your racist dreams will be the sweat soup I enjoy as I torture you and destroy you. For every post of you complaining about the “good old days”, I will smash you down. I will stomp on your sexism views, your hypocrisy, your holier than thou attitude.

I will redirect your hate and anger. I’ll crush your worthless, thoughtless, and insecure paranoid.

And when you die, you might think you will be going to heaven. Instead, you’ll be in hell….and I’m Employee of Forever (not, month or year…..Forever) in Hell. Your hell will be my Heaven.

So….go back to racist rants, your crying and tears of how unfair life is, your blessed life….but remember to keep in the back of your mind the fact…..I’ll be there to greet you at the Gates of Hell. I will torture you forever because of your sins on Earth!

Thoughts and Prayers to you! You will definitely need them.

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Good News…it’s Saturday…and I still don’t care

Good morning….did you get to sleep in? You snuggling with your dog on the couch, coffee cup in hand?

It’s not like I don’t really care. I do care. I just want to make sure you know that I’m hungry and there is a piece of bacon calling my name. I’m distracted.

You know what I do care about? Breakfast.

It’s a fine meal…pancakes, eggs, some coffee, bacon. It’s the “Let’s Kick Ass” Meal of the day. You eat a hearty breakfast and you can take on the day.

Lunch? That’s the “I’m halfway through my miserable day” meal. Halfway! And you never get to enjoy lunch because you know you have to go back to your awful job.

Don’t get me started on Dinner. That’s the “My Day sucked so let’s get it over with” meal. You sit there, wishing your steak was cooked a little bit better, the bread wasn’t as hard, and your salad wasn’t trying to kill you.

We’ll talk about drinks later…..

As always, your thoughts and comment are welcome. Pretend you and I both care and send me some comments.

Another New Year – Welcome to Hell….riegel

As you can see, I haven’t posted for a long time. I know you don’t care why I haven’t been blogging and I really can’t give you a good answer as to why I stopped. Perhaps my life got boring? Maybe Mr. Whiskers, my cat, didn’t inspire me anymore?

Blogging use to be a great way for me to express my sarcasm and get my thoughts out.

Now I just keep everything bottled up….

The good news is that, I’m back. It’s a new year and I’m pretty sure I can keep you all entertained with my charming wit and my worthless advice.

This year, we will be talking about my opinion. As you are aware, I’m a humble person. Humble enough to say that most of you need my help, insight, and advice.

I’m not going to mince words but I’m also not going to hurt your feelings. I know you are all sensitive and I should be more aware of that. At least, that is what I have been told by my online therapist. And I’m pretty sure she needs my help too.

I know I don’t look like your therapist…I’m much better looking and I’m way better at the therapy than your actual therapist. Just remember, let me help you, help yourself.

Let’s get down to it, shall we? Feel free to send your suggestions on what I should talk about, complain about, or write about. As always, I appreciate your comments and feedback.

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