Ten Great Reasons why I hate Frosty the Snowman!
It is the Christmas season and the wonderful time of holiday TV specials has begun. I like most of the Christmas TV specials like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the Grinch who stole Christmas, etc. However, the one Christmas Special I can’t stand is Frosty the Snowman.
- Really what is Frosty the Snowman? He is a bad LSD trip of some whacked out meth head. The only redeeming quality of Frosty the Snowman is Andy Griffith is the narrator of the cartoon. The rest of it I hate.
- Frosty always says “Happy Birthday”. Really? What is he a homeless bum who thinks every day is his birthday? Is he too drunk to remember it isn’t everyone’s birthday? Does he need a reason to drink? “Oh, it’s someone’s birthday! Let’s go out to Appplebee’s and get wasted!” That one saying drives me nuts. “Happy Birthday?” It’s winter and almost Christmas, I’m not thinking of your birthday, I’m thinking about Christmas presents, Christmas cookies, and egg nog.
- He is a cry baby whiner. There is a scene where he is all sad that the kids are leaving to go back home. Oh, poor homeless snowman. Jeez, stop your whining. Man up, build a snow house and make a snow dog to keep you company.
- He sleds by just getting on his belly and sliding down a hill. Seriously, we all know that Frosty would be jumping on his belly, knocking the wind of his snowman lungs, and cursing up a storm for being so stupid. He would be doing a belly flop into three inches of snow. Don’t you think that would hurt? Darn right it would.
- And really, Frosty wouldn’t be sliding down the hill. Instead, a big pile of snow would build up right in front of Frosty and he would stop in three feet. Frosty isn’t going anyway fast.
- Frosty is just a homeless bum. After the kids go home to their families or single mothers. He just wanders around after dark without a purpose…just like the guy who lives under the overpass.
- And do I darn mention the sequel “Frosty Returns”. Do we really need more of Frosty’s inane drunk babblings of “Happy Birthday”?
- Frosty promotes smoking. In this day and age of Political Correctness, why hasn’t someone digitally erased his corncob pipe? Seriously, if they can change E.T., then they can change Frosty. It’s a cartoon! It can’t be that hard.
- Frosty likes little kids….too much. He hangs around kids all day long in a nice pedophile way. Creepy just like Michael Jackson and his “Jesus Juice”. Next thing we know Frosty will want to invite the boys and girls over for a nice sleepover in his snow bed. Just plain creepy.
- And in the song, doesn’t Frosty die? Sure, he melts away and in a Star Trek world he comes back. But in the lame TV holiday special he makes it to the North Pole with Santa and lives on? This is all after he puts Karen into life threatening situations (like the refrigerator train car). Karen takes a long trip ride in a freezing cold refrigerator car were most people would be a Popsicle at the end of the trip. Hell, why can’t Karen be a normal kid that just sticks Frosty on the train, sends him on his merry way, and forgets about him in 10 minutes?
Frosty the Snowman sucks. This is one holiday special I wish was lost forever in the depths of CBS television studios.